A dream I had.
I lived in New York and ownd a fluffy cat named Victor Purrinof. I owned a small book store and mostly drank tea and coffee. I was single but found this really cute guy on Tinder. He DMd me and we started talking. Turned out he was super rich. He even had a maid. I gave him an Amazon shopping wish and all the items were delivered to my door within two days. He wanted to meet and I said yes. He sent his address and said
“I can’t wait to put you to the test 💦💦😉”
Excited I got an Uber and went to his place upsate. When I arrived I was shocked to realize he lived in a place I can only describe as the castle from Devil May Cry 1. When I got to the door no one greeted me. The castle was completely empty and all the doors had locks straight out of Resident Evil. I heard through loud speaker calming music and my dates voice.
“I’m so happy your here. Let’s see what your made of.”
What followed was five hours of random puzzles. Three of the puzzles were strangely focused on soup. Oh and the maid?
ITS THE FUUCKING MAID FROM HAUNTING GROUNDS!
AKA THIS B!TCH
AND SHES CONSTANTLY CHASING ME WITH A SQUIRT GUN FULL OF BLOOD!!
I finally solve the last puzzle and open the last door and what do I find? Mister Rich Asshole sitting at a table fir two and he says
“You’ve proven yourself worthy. We may be wed now!”
I punch him in the face, suplex the maid and go home. Once I get home, I run a hot shower, light some candles, pet Victor and binge adventure time. The next day I get a check in the mail. It’s worth $1k and is from the rich dude. His advisors told him its wrong to kidnap people so I get an annual check so I don’t press charges.
I then woke up and swore to never download Tinder.
