One cannot contain within themselves the power of a sephirot, and a balance within it, unless they also understand the corresponding negative aspect of the divine force. For this reason one cannot have a strong grasp of Raziel, without also coming to an understanding of his opposite, the faces of Beelzebub and Ghagiel. Raziel is the angel who brings light to the darkness of confusion in the material world. His sephirot is Chokma, which is the receiver of divine energy and wisdom. The wisdom is one that has yet to receive form, almost like the bubbling of molten iron waiting to receive a mold. Raziel spreads divine secrets when the time is ready, and they are received by Binah, which allows these secrets to be put into form.
Beelzebub is the demon concerned with confusion in the material world. Flies are always seemingly confused. They have no attention and they leech from space after space, giving nothing but their bodies for the spiders. The material world is filled with form that is none other than illusion, Beelzebub would like for us to remain mired in the belief in the confusion of the world. This is very different from believing that the world is existent on a practical level but unreal at a divine level. When one can contain within themselves the power of Raziel within the realm of Beelzebub, then one can be said to have a certain kind of mastery.
I have dealt with this sephirot unknowingly and not exactly willingly for quite some time now. On my search for a beautiful, intelligent, hyper-aware, but also bad-ass and warm woman - a paradox of a woman - I have been confronted heavily with the world of form, and also heavily with my own disordered consciousness inside of it.
I like my girls to be tattooed, but I think this is a complex developed out of an attachment to the my masculine darkness. It shouldn’t matter if a girl has tattoos or not (it’s also likely an externalization of my own lack of courage in getting tattoos, because I secretly think that I would like some too), but I would become more attracted to women when I saw they had tattoos which were well done, especially if they had spiritual stuff on them. This got me into an interesting situation in the past few weeks.
While sitting on the square I chanted mantra and did meditation. At some point a girl with pink hair and amazing tattoos comes and sits down next to me. Eventually I go over and I start a conversation. She started off by telling me she was gay, and then proceeded to show me pictures of herself mostly naked, telling me that she preferred to keep those private than share them with hte world. I think she was, in a way, flirting in a very passive-aggressive way. I don’t think she was socialized very well, or maybe she was just choosing to play a certain kind of game with me.
All things considered I was not socialized very well. Regardless she was kind of slow, didn’t want to talk about her interests much, and just wanted to party party party, but hadn’t gotten to the party party yet. So, we went to get a drink. She didn’t want me to go into my interests, and didn’t want to go into hers, it was too much for her, so we ended up sitting and sitting and having brief conversation. Eventually we went to the club and danced for a while.
I met some other people and had a conversation and I guess she got bored with me and left to find another guy. By the time they started making out I decided it was my time to leave.
There were so many lies, it was like her word and what she wanted were quite opposed. There was something stopping her from expressing herself fully. She had even said she did study on Buddhism, magic, and such, but didn’t want to speak on it. Whenever I made moves closer to her she generally tended to pull herself away. I suppose it is actually connected to Tipharet how she ‘got away’ from me.
The connection to Raziel is actually more that she was inattentive, she was distracted from the moment and confused and she wanted another person or drugs to bring her back into the moment. This need for that external satisfaction to drive into the present is an aspect of Beelzebub. She had, even if only temporarily, the desire to dive into the confusion of the world and was avoiding wisdom in some capacity. We could have been connected as friends or so and shared insights, but instead she was only interested in the sexual and seductive component, or the party, and thus she was unwilling to see another perspective, and Raziel cannot shine on those who resist.
My lack of willingness to ‘go all the way’ is probably connected to Belphegor, who seduced men to easy success through showing them invention, and giving laziness. My laziness was only an aspect of my fear, and my own conditioned, probably Chrisitian, shame connected to taking what I would like sexually. Tipharet is Belphegor’s opposite, and is the sephirot connected to action (solar plexus, harmonizing wisdom of upper sephirot and channeling it down through into the lower through action and presence, like the sun, always providing energy yet also operated by a force one set more subtle than itself.). Thus, by not taking action through my being, due to signals and conditioning of my past, I was sent into the realm of laziness and only met obstacles after this.
A few things I was attached to here. I was very attracted by the spiritual tattoos (and since have met other very spiritual tattoos who have done magic on their bodies with them in various ways), her body, and the image she presented overall. I was not receiving her because I was being impatient in a different way than she was being impatient. My focus changed from her to others during the night and that also pushed her past the point of no return on her ‘boredom’ with me. Inside here is greed, sloth, and a selfish focus on my own desires overall.
Believing in the external form or someone, or the words they tell you, is not always the way to operate. In the world of form we must be aware that there are snakes everywhere, and that sometimes it’s completely appropriate to be a snake. This is why one must have a strong control over the negative aspects of samsara as well as the positive aspects. Would we said I had control over my negative aspects here? No, probably not, but I did keep myself inside myself, kept moving forward at some of the most challenging times of my life, and learned a lot through a very intense experience.