so one thing that makes me think my dad was autistic is that he would have these phrases he would say over and over again, regardless of context. "nobody's going to like you" "they're all going to laugh at you" "your ass is grass and i'm smoking it" "you don't live here, you're just visiting." shit like that.
now, out of context, that sounds pretty traumatic. let me reassure you, as a 10 year old, it was. i didn't realize these were movies quotes until i was in my 20s and he was dead. but i realized he wasn't TRYING to traumatize me, he was trying to connect with me with the most ass backwards references that no normal 10 year old in 2000 would know.
i told myself, i'll never do that. i'll never say shit to my kids they would have no way of understanding. i wouldn't ever, ever make references that have a chance of putting them down, confusing them, ruining their brain development. none of it.
but who am I kidding??? I literally just scream for the sake of it, my partner will make echolalia noises until my head is about to pop off. just now, as I was opening netflix, I mumbled to myself "... uncuht gaaaahms." like??? my kid doesn't stand a chance of being well adjusted.