I just
Don't know yknow
It feels like tkling is losing its significance to me. I like thinking about it, I like getting physical teases. But some things really upset me. I hate how paranoid I am about it, I hate that I don't have any irl friends that understand and actively get to me about it. Virtual teases aren't doing it for me anymore, I need something more than it. So why am I even trying to ask for any from my online friends, if I don't end up satisfied.
And someone in a tkl server I used to be in vented about something, and apparently someone outside of the community called tkl teases between friends "borderline flirting."
It just recalled some unpleasant memories of a close friend accusing me (a minor) that I'm enforcing sexual shit upon them (an adult (they're like 20.)) They were the first person I genuinely trusted my secret with, and felt happy that they didnt think its weird up until now. It just. It makes me so fucking uncomfortable. Why does everything nice have to be ruined by the k1nky side actively existing and forcing it upon the sfw community, and by people outside of it viewing it as such.
You don't understand how mad it makes me. That something that's supposed to bring me comfort and joy turns into something wicked and dirty. I don't want this. I just want to be happy. Is that too hard to give me.