#tldrabble

[tessalinden-blog]

            Tessa had barely gotten herself situated when a knock came at the door, prompting her to hands to pause around the scarf she’d been removing, and send a thoughtful glance that way. Leiven wasn’t supposed to be getting back from Silas’ for another hour at the least,and the short list of other people it could be were all, well, busy as she'd reckon. Quietly, and on the tips of her toes, she made her way towards the door, peeking through the peephole and holding her breath. “ I can hear you breathing. ” Came Vic's voice before she'd even been able to make out his figure, and with a defeated sigh Tessa pulled open her front door. She meant to greet him with some witty line, but the look on his face stilled her.

            Vic, too, wasted no time in greetings, instead he stepped beside the blonde and into her apartment, looking around fleetingly to make sure they were alone. It wasn't the kind of conversation that he wanted to have in front of Leiven, and definitely not the kind that he wanted to have in front of some stranger. It was only once he was satisfied that they were, in fact, alone that he turned back to face her. She had an expectant look on her face, both brows had risen in obvious confusion to the sudden visit -- it was a look he was familiar with, actually.

            “ I think you should stay with your mother for a little while. ” He started, breaking their mutual silence. The words only made her brows raise higher. “ Take some time off work. ”

            “ For how long...? ”

            “ I don't know. ”

            “ I don't understand... ”

            “ Just take Leiven and get out of town for a little while, lay low. ”

            “ Why? ” She queried, crossing her arms; if there was one thing Tessa Linden didn't like in life, it was being told what to do.

            Vic sighed. “ I can't--- ”

            “ Tell me. ” She scoffed, finishing his line. “ Tell me what? You can't tell me why you want me to leave here? Or you can't tell me why you just showed up at my house, out of breath, looking like you're ready to murder someone, and wanting me to stay with my mother of all people? You can't tell me anything? I-- why am I not surprised. ”

            She shook her head, turning away from him to walk into the kitchen. Vic followed after.

            “ This is important, Tessa. ”

            “ I'd be a bit more inclined to believe you on that if I knew what this had to do with. I can't just leave town on a whim, Vic, I have responsibilities here. Leiven has school, he has that presentation coming up that means the world to him and I-- I've got my patients to take care of-- ” She paused, uncorking a bottle of wine that she was going to save. “ What's going on? ”

            “ Oh, your patients. Well, of course, can't leave them! Harmony forbid you have an excuse to think of yourself for once. ” 

            “ Excuse me? ”

            “ You-- ” He cut himself off, growing frustrated. “ Survivor's scars, do you have to make an argument over everything? I'm trying to tell you you're in danger and you don't even-- ”

            “ You're not telling me anything! You're just talking without saying anything -- as per usual. I mean, what is this? Talk to me, ” She sighed, exasperated. 

            “ Can't you just trust me on this? ” The look on her face prompted him speak again, and hastily. “ Okay, okay. I can't get into the specifics, Tessa, but-- you and Leiven aren't safe here right now. This case I'm working... names came up-- your name came up, Leiven's name came up, and I can't-- I can't lose you guys. Please. ”

            Her expression softened momentarily, and for a moment there Vic thought that would be the end of it. But, a crease between her brows formed, and she looked at him with renewed fervour. “ Our names specifically? My son's name came up in one of your cases and it was enough for you to come here, that's what you're telling me? What in damnation is going on here, Vic? ”

            “ I don't know, Tessa, you tell me! I mean, are you insane? Going to tend Eliane's injuries in the dead of the night, becoming some kind of medical call-girl!? You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into-- ”

            “ I'm doing my job! Do you think I just put band-aids on people for the money? Believe it or not, Vic, I actually want to help people. I don't want people to get hurt-- ”

            “ Dammit, Tessa. You know who her brother is! You told Kalrien you thought he was the one who did that to her, and you saw what he's capable of. What were you thinking? ” Tessa swallowed. Her scrutinizing glare remained on him, and while there were a hundred and one things she could have said just then, her throat was shut tight.

            “ He did it, didn't he? ” She didn't have to specify. Vic nodded, and she felt like someone had just given her a swift punch in the gut. Tessa shook her head. “ I'm not leaving. I-- I'm not gonna run. I can't do that, ”

            “ Please-- ”

            “ No. ” Her voice broke. “ You don't get to make my decisions for me, okay? This is my choice. He won't come within fifty feet of Leiven, I can promise you that, but I'm... I'm not going anywhere. I'm not running. That's not who I am, Vic, and you know that. ”

            His shoulders were hunched over, and Vic's eyes remained downcast. She was always a stubborn woman, and a part of him had to admire her for it. Tessa Linden, in Vic's opinion, had more spirit in her than half the EPD -- he just hoped that wouldn't be her downfall. He hoped that with everything he had.

            “ Do you still have the gun I gave you? ”

            “ Yeah. ”

            “ Let me show you how to use it. ”

                                                                    ≐

            Vic had left Tessa thirty minutes later with Hazekiller rounds and a kiss on the cheek. He didn't feel any better than he had when he arrived, in fact he was fairly certain he felt worse, but that was his own fault wasn't it? He'd failed in something to simple all because of his incompetence, and should anything happen to Tessa or Leiven or Eliza... it was his fault. But, it wouldn't come to that.

            It couldn't.

            He shouted out another farewell as he walked out her door, it closing with a soft 'click'. He turned to walk back down the hall, reaching in his pocket to send a quick text to Kalrien that he was returning, but was stilled suddenly when he saw a certain little boy sitting beside the door.

            “ I heard you guys shouting. ” Leiven started, looking up at the man; his voice was not accusing, but rather factual.

            “ Leiven, I'm... ” he swallowed, sitting down beside the child in the hallway. Vic ran a hand through his hair, resting his head in his hands. “ You shouldn't have had to hear that. ”       

            “ I can handle it. ”             “ I know you can, kid, but this is different. ”

            “ No, it's not. ” He sniffed, standing up.“ You're not here, okay? You don't know what it's like. Everyone always leaves, but I'm not gonna. We're all we've got, Vic. ”

            “ I'm sorry. ”

            “ No one's gonna hurt my mom, ” Leiven promised, “ I can take care of her. ”

            For the first time that day, Vic smiled.

[tessalinden-blog]

We were just kids, with visions and hearts that coincide

            As the deep velvety night wore on, the laughter, music, and dancing seemed only to grow louder and more fervent; midnight had come and gone, but no one seemed to have noticed. Tessa didn't usually treat herself to social outings -- there was never anytime for them, in all honesty. First she had her studies, then there was work at the clinic and her studies, then back to just classes. But, even without the hectic environment the clinic had added to her schedule, she was still swamped. It would have been easier, perhaps, were her thoughts not plagued with the doubt that this wasn't what she was meant to be doing.

But, then, what eighteen year old didn't go through that?  

Tessa had chosen a secluded seat at the bar away from the crowd where, hopefully, she wouldn't be bothered too much. This plan was rather vain; no amount of hiding in the shadows would stop people from coming over and trying to chat her up -- she hoped Kaspia was happy about this, which she likely was, if her grin was anything to judge by. 

“ Are you going to talk to him? ” Kaspia had asked, shouting to be heard above the music. When Tessa gave no sign of understanding who she was referring to, the brunette sighed, gesturing over towards the opposite side of the room with a wry smile on her lips. “ Colms cutie, genius. I could be wrong -- which I'm not -- but I think he has a thing for you. ”

Tessa followed her friend's gaze, and laughed with a small shake of her head. “ Colms Cutie? Don't be ridiculous, Vic doesn't like girls. He likes shooting guns and whispering police code in the place of sweet nothings. We're just friends, Kas. And, besides, look at him and look at me. I mean... ”

“ You're the blind one, Linden. Not him, ” Kaspia declared, ordering another drink. “ I'm gonna go talk to him and Han for a minute. Han still owes me ten doxings for that bet. I'll be right back, okay? Can you survive for just a few minutes without me? ”

Tessa didn't reply, shoving her friend away instead with a small smile on her lips. It vanished the instant Kaspia was gone, however. She didn't mean to be such a solemn soul these days, but it was hard to smile after what she'd seen. Maybe, she just wasn't strong enough to handle it, or maybe she just wasn't ready to see the things that she'd seen, and take responsibility for the lives that were beyond her help. Every time she closed her eyes she could remember that dead look in Rhys' eyes, just void of life and that spark.

She gestured for a refill on her drink, muttering a thank you to the bartender who had already gone off to the next customer before hearing it. Tessa didn't even notice when another person slid into the seat next to her-- not until she smelt the overwhelming scent of whiskey-breath. Harmony.

“ What's a pretty thing like you doing sittin' all alone? ” He wasn't bad looking, the guy who posed the question. He wore a pinstriped suit and his cheeks were flushed from drinking, was about a decade too old for Tessa, too, but not bad looking. Just not quite... well, not quite at the Colms Cutie standard. 

“ What most do in bars: drinking, ” She replied, though didn't do so rudely. Just in a tone that lacked any real invitation to conversation. Mr-not-so-bad-looking seemed a bit too drunk to pick up on that, though. Unfortunately. Before Tessa had even registered that he was on the track of bothering her, another person leaned between the two of them, placing his hand on Mr-not-so-bad-looking's arm.

“ Hey, she's my girlfriend. Back off, ” And, to Tessa's surprise, the man did. She furrowed her brow, watching as the guy wobbled away before turning to the one who'd interjected on her behalf -- to her surprise, once again, she found that it was a familiar face.

“ Reese? ” She didn't keep the disbelief from her voice -- Tessa had thought he'd gone back to Bilming after the clinic closed. He smiled, and calmly took possession of the seat beside her own. She turned back to her watered-down drink, wrapping a hand around the cool glass before speaking: “ You're still here. ”

“ I decided to stick around for awhile. ” He shrugged, “ How are you? ”

“ I've been fine. Just busy with classes and such, you know how it is. ”

“ No. How are you really? ”

She ignored that, looking away from his rather intense gaze. “ It's funny, isn't it? A guy will back off if another guy lays claim, but they never seem to back off if the girl just isn't interested. ”

He looked a bit taken aback, and Tessa bit her lip. That was probably not the best place to steer the conversation. “ I... never really thought of it that way, Miss Linden. ”  

“ Tessa. ”

“ Sorry? ” She smiled, and found it was easier to do so with him. It was the shared experience, she thought. If anyone understood what she was going through, it was him.

“ Call me Tessa. ”

“ Alright. Tessa. ” His soft vowels seemed to caress the word, and she realised just then that she'd never much liked her name until she heard him say it. It could have been the alcohol, or the way the light hit his features, but she knew for a fact that she was in trouble. He was a few years older than her, had dark hair, greenish-grey eyes, and a smile that took her off to places she'd never been. It was that night that she learned all about him -- or, rather, the more factual aspects of his life. Not much about the man he truly was. That was for her to discover over time.

But, she was definitely in trouble.

                                                                                 ----

“ That's him? ” Kaspia whispered, looking over Tessa's shoulder with her mouth dropped open. Tessa was tempted to close it for her, but her friend snapped attention back to the blonde with a sudden grin. “ He's gorgeous. He's, like, a full on man, too. Harmony, Tessa, I don't know whether to be proud of you or slightly jealous. ”

Vic rolled his eyes. “ He's alright. ”

Kaspia and Han exchanged a knowing glance. 

“ Right, well, we can all stop looking now... ” Tessa scolded, “ You're making it obvious. ” 

“ Really? I'm not so sure about that, I thought it was fairly obvious enough with the puppy eyes you both make at each other, Tess. ” Han said, an insufferable smirk on his face. Vic laughed, shaking his head at his best friend.

Tessa couldn't quite ignore the weak flip her stomach gave, though.

“ What's he still doing here? ” Asked Vic, moving around his salad with his fork. He looked utterly uninterested in eating anything healthy. “ Why isn't he back in Bilming? ”

“ He said he liked the city. He's thinking about relocating here permanently, ”

Kaspia waggled her eyebrows. “ Oh, is it the city he likes? Or maybe the finer attractions it boasts, if you catch my drift. ”

“ Shut up, Kaspia. ” Tessa and Vic chorused.

                                                                                                 ----

Spending afternoons at the pub, followed by a short walk along the canals, had become their regular way of meeting; Tessa and Erik. They'd nurse a pint and talk for hours, and she'd laugh at the sheer joy of seeing him, and hearing him. It was like she'd never laughed before he came around, and that there was no one else who understood her as he did. Kaspia came close, but there was an undeniable similarity between the two of them, kindred spirits perhaps. Whatever it was, in the weeks that followed their meeting, neither person could really deny that something was drawing them to one another. Tessa would not have called it love, Erik probably wouldn't have either, but it very well could have been the beginning of something like that.

His father wanted him to become a Doctor, and from a young age he never really had any choice in the matter. It worked out though, Erik had explained to her, as there really wasn't much else he could see himself doing. He wanted to help people, and heal them, just as she did. It took being with him for Tessa to realise that she was in the right place.

Tessa wouldn't be the first to boast a perfect memory. It wasn't a bad memory, though her mother would be the first to say otherwise, but it was far from anything worth recognition. Many years later, however, Tessa would find that she could recall every day of those first few weeks and months perfectly, as though there was a special little place reserved for them somewhere in her mind.

There was one day in particular; getting caught in the rain. The exact look on his face when she asked him to stay. His hands clasped within her own. The skin of his arms rubbing against her face as he towel dried her hair. It had been gentle -- not the passionate kind of drama one might expect from such a romance, but sweet. With open eyes, as though somewhere deep inside, they both knew it wouldn't last.

And, it didn't.

[tessalinden-blog]

Don't follow roads paved in gold They will only let you down

           There were only a few things that Tessa really hated in life, and one of those things (a few slots above her favourite show being cancelled) happened to be seeing others in extreme pain. It was one of the reasons she'd gone into the medical field -- she had always wanted to help people, to heal them. It was a noble cause, important, and Tessa was aware of it. She just wasn't entirely sure, right in that moment as she stood above a patient choking on his blood, that this was what she wanted to do for the rest of her life.

A clinic had opened up down in Seventh Octant, in response to a virus that was rapidly spreading among the citizens there. It was a poor area, and according to the rumours and whispers she'd heard in the quiet periods her classes, there hadn't been a lot of government funding to keep the clinic in proper condition. They didn't have as much supplies as they needed, or as much help either. She'd read that there were only three graduated doctor's that were working there. It was ridiculous. What was even more ridiculous, to Tessa at least, was just how outraged all her classmates seemed to be about it, yet they continued on with their days as if a complaint was all they could offer to help. That's when she had decided to volunteer.

She was only a student, just starting her second year in nursing, but Tessa figured that any help at all would be appreciated. She was one of the best students in her year, after all, and certainly much more comfortable under stress than some other peers -- namely that Ladrian bloke (she would never forget how he started crying before their timed exam even started). So, overall, Tessa was fairly confident that this kind of experience was just what she needed and that in doing so, she would be helping a good cause and saving a few lives in the process. She didn't realise that such an innocent endeavor, brought on by the most noble of motivations, would end up changing her life far more than expected -- or even welcomed, at that particular point in time.

It had been her third week volunteering when the breaking point came. She'd already lost more patients than she'd been able to save, and while there was a comfort in knowing that there were people out there -- alive and breathing -- because of her, it was still taking a toll on her conscious that she was losing people. Was this what the rest of her life would be like? It didn't seem so real, back in the classroom, when she was learning about all the different arteries and bones in the body but when she was seeing people suffering right in front of her... how could she have been so naive as to think that she could save the world from any sickness or wound?

He'd come in on a stretcher, already in his current state, and it was only herself and a pre-med student that could offer him any attention. It wasn't the virus that had gotten him though. Being in the poorer Octants had meant they got quite a few wounded people, mostly victims from stabbing, but this case had been a gunshot wound. He was crying, and Tessa had done her best to console him, promise him that he would be just fine and it wasn't so bad, in fact, the entrance wound wasn't bad at all. He would live. She promised him. Just like she promised so many other people. Her word was shot to damnation by then.

Tessa could still remember shouting for the other nurse, screaming her name and hurrying her to come and help, as both she and the med student -- Reese or Ross, was his name -- did their best to stop the bleeding and patch up the wound. It was so much bigger than she would have imagined. It had to have been a shotgun or... something with larger rounds. All she could think of was the pain he must have felt, and how she was failing to take it away. And, then Rhys was gone. She held it together pretty well. But, Reese hadn't. He'd thrown the blood soaked rag on the floor while crying out in frustration, expressing all the emotions she didn't dare to let out. Tessa had to be stronger than that.

Erik Reese was the pre-med's name. He was from Bilming, attending Medical school there, but living in the city to help out his uncle with the clinic. His uncle was one of the Doctors that had put it all together in the first place, apparently. They were sitting outside together, after it all had happened, being relieved by the Doctor that had gotten there too late and a few others for a change of shift. Tessa couldn't bring herself to leave yet, and neither could he by the looks of it.

“ You're a good nurse, ” He had broken their silence, and Tessa realised that, like her, he couldn't tear away his gaze from the dried blood on her hands. She couldn't get it off. A part of her didn't want to.

“ I'm not, ” She scoffed, “ I never want to treat another patient again. I'd rather be a butcher, ” The words came out harsher than she'd meant them, too. But, they were true. There was not way she could make a life out of this.

“ Then why did you come here? ”

“ Same reason as you, I wanted to help. ” She shrugged her shoulders softly, finally looking away from her hands. “ I still want to. I just-- I thought I would be better. I thought I'd make a difference. ”

“ You do make a difference. Your touch, it--it calms people. I've seen it. It matters to them, ” He swallowed, eyes searching her own. “ That's a gift from Harmony. You should be proud, Miss Linden. ”

“ No, it isn't, and I'm not. ” She shook her head, standing up to leave. “ Harmony would never give such a terrible thing. ”

His name was Rhys -- the man choking on his own blood. He had a daughter that wasn't much younger than she was.

The clinic closed three days after he died.