Things my parents said that pissed me off (4)
You canāt [wear, do, say, listen to, watch] THAT, the other kids will all make fun of you!
Gosh mom, I canāt possibly imagine what it would be like to get made fun of.Ā I can promise you, no amount of brand name clothing will protect me from getting mocked, and I would rather not also get it at homeā¦
My mom knew I was having trouble socially, and I think she was genuinely trying to help me fit in better by making me aware of the things that were different about me so I could change them.Ā It sucked, though, because all it did was make me hate the parts of myself that I had liked most, and that were hardest to change.
Would I say it to my own kids:
Never have I ever dared to utter this phrase.Ā If a kid asks āDo you think the other kids will make fun of me for this?ā I answer honestly, then ask them āDoes it matter to you, as long as it isnāt hurting anyone and makes you happy?āĀ Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes it is no
If the behavior in question actually is harmful, I do try to point that out.Ā I have not yet figured out a reliable way to do that without upsetting the kid. It seems to depend heavily on their own mood, so I think the key might be trying to time it for a moment when they are feeling receptive and communicative. It also helps if I phrase it as a story about something I struggled with previously, instead of making it about them.