#to k

[nickyshemmicks]

Okay so i made a thing. For @sethgordon

[berkfryemoved]

draft i hold nearly like a sweet baby. its so funny. to k

[altiakana]

[Unsent Letter] To K & M: The Storylines

Hi, fellas,

This one is addressed to the both of you.

Throughout my life, there have only been three possible storylines when it comes to romance. The romantic partner may change, the sequence of events may vary, and the duration of the story may differ, but the storyline will never stray from those three possibilities.

Our story is no exception. The question is, though, which storyline were we in?

--

Storyline 1

This one always starts with me falling deeply in love with a man I dare not to have, because he's too dreamy, too real, too good for me. He embodies the perfect hue of a sunset, the scenic golden hour. And you don't expect a sunset to love you back, do you? I just know that, no matter how fast or far I reach, there's no way I can bottle his ray of light. He's not meant to be owned. He's there, present and beautiful, and that should be enough.

So, I let my feelings rest on the shoreline. I teach them to befriend the tidal waves, moonlight after moonlight, in silence, until they become experts in reading sundials. They know the perfect moment to gaze at the horizon when the sky is clear and the weather is friendly, in order to appreciate the beauty of something that is always fading away.

For others, this story might seem very boring. But for me, it's the most self-aware, peaceful, and sincere storyline.

**

In an alternate scenario, I fall for a man always on the move, much like the wind. He breezes past, onto the shoreline, onto me, bringing with him the scent of a distant land, the aroma of lush grass and blossoming flowers. Some days, he carries the weight of rainfalls, messages from a long-lost world, warnings of impending thunderstorms. And I accept all of it with open arms.

He tousles my hair, compliments my smile, craves my presence, professes his love for me. Yet, I can never pin him down, nor do I have the heart to, for I know he has places to be. He deserves the ongoing journey that shapes him into the man I adore.

I know that I must set him free, because he is not going to stay. But in certain seasons, I can hear his hum among the trees. If I'm lucky, I'll spot him in the distance. On rare auspicious days, he'll visit, play with my hair, admire my smile, and say he loves me, before I once again bid farewell on the dock of the bay.

**

In this storyline, there's no heartbreak. I never have to hit the ground because I am always falling.

Storyline 2

The second storyline is typically shorter but more brutal than the first. I am a volcano, deeply rooted in the Earth's core, obstinate and unyielding in my internal turmoil. Enter a tornado of a man, swirling around so swiftly and forcefully that he's oblivious to the impact he has on everything he touches. I can sense the freezing destruction from miles away, yet there's something undeniably beautiful about him.

This is the part where everyone tells me to run, but I can't. How could I? I'm a volcano, remember? I am unmoving. I possess the ability to destroy, just like him. We're alike in the sense that the closer people get to us, the more dangerous we become to them. The only difference is that he's frigid, and I'm always ablaze.

There seems to be no way for us to coexist, but against all odds, he finds his way to me. We instantly bond, like long-lost souls reunited. We understand each other. He claims I'm warm and stable, and he longs to last with me. I think he's such a fighter, and I yearn for someone that strong to save me from stillness.

We fall desperately in love and longing for each other. But it's too deep, too quick, too intense, and before we know it, it becomes too much. I watch in awe as he lifts the heat, rocks, dust, and ashes from the ground in his effort to hold onto me. And I unleash scorching curses into the air, so he can see what I've been hiding for so long.

He is too much of a thunderstorm not to ruin things, and I am too explosive to do anything gently. One day, we will reach a point where there's just too much hurt and agony to carry on. That will be the day when he vanishes, and I will be left to mend everything we've shattered.

For a long time afterward, I'd wish for his return, but he never would.

Storyline 3

This one is my favorite. I am a place he calls home. His compass always points in my direction, and I always wait for him on the front porch. I tell him, the door is always open. We make each other happy. We do all the cheesy things in the rom-com movies. We are madly in love with each other, it's practically a horror movie.

However, I am one of the coldest places in the world, and it's not easy to stay here. He braves the cold for me, enduring rainstorms, snowfalls, and piercing chills, but I know he deserves a better life. I keep reminding him that doors work both ways; he can exit as swiftly as he enters, and I won't bear a grudge.

Of course, he's aware that there's a warmer place out there. He knows he can find a home where he could bask in the sun and breathe easily. He denies it anyway, pretending he's never heard of such places. Claims he's more comfortable in bleak, bitter weather. But I bear in mind that no one can endure here forever, and that eventually, he is going to leave, no matter how intensely he romances me.

And leave he does, on a day devoid of rain, snowfall, avalanches, or blizzards. Just a normal day, a fine morning where I wake up to find his side of the bed empty. I lay on it, trying to absorb the warmth he left behind, but it's already gone cold. I sit on the front porch just to confirm the fact that this time he won't be coming back. I'm hurt, I shed tears, I miss him so much, but at the end of the day, I lock the door, retreat to bed, and wish him well.

I know my life is better when he's around, but I comprehend that this is how it should be. That he is better off somewhere else as he deserves all the warmth in the world.

After all, it's merely a normal day where only normal things happen.

--

Were you the sunset? The wind? The tornado, or the guy in the cold? Which storyline was it that we played?

I will come back with my version of answers. Until then, I will be with my lager. And you will take care of yourselves.

[altiakana]

Dear K & M,

I will continue to write about the two of you as a coping mechanism. I might even delve deep into some resurfacing issues, stretching years back -- decades, even. I will let myself loose because I don't think any of you will ever find this blog.

Someday I will retire this name. And when I do, know that the two of you shapes who she is. And I will forever be grateful for that.

[noctuary-of-one]

18.03.23

I saw your painting in that gallery. You don't know that I've seen it. It's better we don't ask names, I like us where we left us. I can apologize in a hundred languages, I'm sorry for being a bomb set to detonate. But it's just me and the ashes now, and the winds that whisper your name.

[painfulgrowth]

Dont worry about it. I think life can be unfairanf you and I were both just dealing issues at the time and ended up hurting each other in the process accidentally.

Forgive him. If it wasn't on purpose then for his emotions. When it was on purpose then for being harsh and not understanding and being firm and not getting what you were trying to do or for misunderstanding you or for not wanting to fix it or for not being the person you wanted and needed him to be for you back. Because it's true isn't it. He just didn't want to take the risk in the end, even knowing that you were sincere.

[edustatus360]

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