#to shin

[whitefataliss]

Im better without you.

I think im healing to think this....right?

[whitefataliss]

Sé que lo que hizo esta mal, no se hizo cargo de la parte que le corresponde, su culpa de no tener paciencia y querer arreglarlo sin ser distante y temeroso , de no querer ver las cosas que NO lo atacaban.

él fue maravilloso conmigo, puedo decirlo por seguro, nunca me hizo sentir menos, nunca me’ engañó de ninguna forma (o eso creo claro) Y le creo, le tengo confianza absoluta y siempre se la daré, es la unica persona que nunca me traicionó y a la que yo queria hacer feliz.

Luis.

Pero jamás entenderé porque se esmero en ... dejarme estar y alejarce y sentir que Yo lo estaba culpando, cuando solo yo queria arreglar las cosas.

No me dejaba porque el creia que no me queria , ok es entendible pero así no se maneja a alguien que tiene ese problema.

Igual solo podia dar eso, porque no estaba bien él mismo.

Estaba pidiendo mucho.

que hasta termino diciendome que era una perdida de tiempo.

Y por siempre esas palabras resonaran en mi, se distorcionaran en mi, y jamás sabré que queria decir.

Bueno como tal, el resultado final me hizo querer suicidarme, me dejo cuando más lo necesitaba, no tuvo pasciencia en mi, y no era para que este aguantando todo claro.

aun asi pienso que es maravilloso por ser él y quererlo , pero ya no quiero quererlo ... porque mis valores estan en peligro esta vez, el hecho de renunciar  a mi vida porque lo amaba ya fue demasiado, es un peligro para mi, si nunca podré tener su amor incondicional y correspondido. No deberia de seguir queriendolo, él alguna vez me dijo que lo corté porque ‘‘su amor no era suficiente’‘, pues esta vez él me corto tal parece porque el mio no lo alcanzaba y sale igual esta vez, creo que si lo es (de su parte voluntad y todo eso no le es facil amarme o no puede amarme.)

Si fuera por su propia voluntad, y quer eralmente cambie. Y quiera habalrme y volver, lo recibiré feliz y lo perdonaria.

pero sé que no pasará lo conozco, él nunca empezo ninguna platica de años. Siempre fui yo.

[whitefataliss]

i’m sorry i forget how to be a good friend/lover sometimes. it’s dark where i am and i can’t breathe but i swear i love you even when it’s so bad that i can’t recognize myself in the mirror. i’m sorry that i don’t laugh at your jokes like i mean it, i’m sorry i can’t focus, i’m sorry that sometimes you look over and i’m frowning, and of course i’m sorry to be depressed and said those horribles things and im not good talking and putting words. i don’t mean any of it. just give me time. i’m trying to find my way back into my body but i’ve been lost for a while. i know you deserve better. please, if you can, just be patient.

I’ll stand up one more time, one more time and this time i’ll be stronger than before

[aresguts-blog1]

wen 1 of ur sys mems talk abou u 

[kitsutoshi]

Shared experience?

You might be a female martial artist if some of these experiences resonate for you. It makes life fun though:

1. If you learned to use a cover stick, probably from a guy, when you said. “I can’t go to work like this!” after getting your first black eye. And now you carry it in your purse as essential equipment.

2. You have to argue with your nail person when you get a pedicure. “Can you leave the callus on? I need that.” “How about if we pare it back a little? It’s like an extra toe!” “No! Not that much!!” (Bonus points if you had to take the tape off of a toe to get that pedicure.)

3. Trying on any pair of shoes includes seeing how well they stay on when you kick. …or whether the heel would make an effective weapon.

4. Valuing a long-term relationship with your doctor because she no longer asks you about all of the bruises…and knows that “don’t train for a few days/weeks” is an unacceptable treatment recommendation.

5. Appreciating your old familiar training partners when a new guy apologizes for ALMOST hitting you.

6. Appreciating the men you’ve trained with for years even more when the guy who started yesterday shows you how a technique is “supposed to work” and your friend “happens” to walk up just then to ask you to demonstrate something for him. #grateful

7. When the guy you’re drilling arm-bars with tries to kill you by putting his hands on your neck and sternum rather than risk putting a hand in the vicinity of your chest.

8. Explaining to your hairdresser about the damage. “My hair gets stepped-on. A LOT. You can fix that right?”

9. Family vacation planning includes “Oh! There’s a dojo just fifty miles from there, let me check their schedule!” “Look, you and the kids can hit that museum while I train. Just a few hours…”

10. The refuge of the changing-room. Where all of the questions the new women didn’t know how to ask in class actually get answered, and where “I couldn’t see how to do X” “Oh, yeah, it actually works a little differently for us” conversations happen. #sisters

11. Knowing the “controversy” over suggesting martial arts training for women is nonsense, because you don’t rely on other people or their good decisionmaking to keep you safe. (Though having strong friends is an excellent bonus of training!) You wish every woman could feel the same sense of freedom.

12. You take dress clothes out of your closet to make more room for gis. You’re also VERY hard on “foundation garments.”

13. You don’t really know how most women get though their days without being able to hit things. But it gets you statements like “wow, how can you be so calm all the time?” #iftheyonlyknew

Wouldn’t trade it for the world.