Jul 24, 2020
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Every now and then, something you or he said pops up in my mind, and I think of how young we were, how many hopes I used to have for a brighter future. I thought we would have fought together till the end, that we would have driven away and laughed at our childish pride. I thought we were destined to do great things and to change to world, because it felt like we were strong, because we were together, we were our own home. But maybe it all was just in my head. And then I remember all the pain we had in our chest and wonder if we don't feel strong anymore because we lost the hope of sending it away after suffering so much. I can only conclude that it's not really me or you who has changed, but rather the way we dealt with our feelings. And we chose isolation and pushed each other away, and maybe we didn't try enough to fix it all, maybe we didn't care enough, maybe we were just youngsters, maybe we were too young to feel that tireness. I can't help thinking we were doomed and broken from the start.
I know it is absurd, but I am still waiting for you both.
I think of you but I know you've got more important people to miss.
It's fine that my parents and your parents are friends, but sometimes it just sucks that you're not here with them and we can't be friends anymore.
You know what you said was true, I could have never imagined that, but you know, I still don’t feel confident about it and it feels unfair, I am not worth that much. I don't even see the point in it, it will end up being depressing, I can't stop thinking of how much I wish that was my path instead of this I'm heading to. I'm weak.