How to break your heart: A guide by Todd Stevens
pairing: Todd Stevens x fem!reader
summary: A day after the New Year’s Eve party, you heard through the grapevine that he might actually be dating the girl he hooked up with. Just as you found out, you see them together. Sooner or later, it leads to cracks in a friendship that seemed so unbreakable.
a/n: I’m so sorry this took me so long! College is kicking my ass right now and I was too much of a mess. I was also caught up in some other stuff and was brainstorming on how to continue from the last part. That being said, thanks for all the support for my last fic! I got a lot of followers from it and I’m so happy that you all enjoyed! Because of this series, I’m lowkey ready to make more fics about Todd since he’s so interesting to write for! ALSO expect more fics from me now that I got out of my writer’s block/slump
cw: desperate!todd but also mean!todd, both todd and reader being bad at feelings and being truthful, unrequited love (or is it?) again, mostly angst, todd and reader fight at the end, sex is mentioned a couple of times, mentions of reader’s major being related to writing (but still ambiguous ofc)
wc: 3.3K
tag list: @lili-of-the-dream @magicwithaknife @magicalmorg @itsneversirius @graysonlewislife @honeybeeznutz
Read part one here! And part three here!
Ten seconds. That’s all it took for the world to come crashing down.
It was the first day of the New Year and you wake up with your head aching and the unexplainable urge to vomit. You rub your eyes as if trying to get adjusted to the sunlight that was piercing through the curtains of Todd’s room.
Wait… Todd’s room?
You suddenly sit up, only to realize that it was a horrible decision. You groan in pain as your eyes flickered to the table next to the bed. Some painkillers and a water jug was on it. You recognized both. They belonged to Todd.
You take a few to calm your head. What even happened last night? As you sobered up, the memories flash in your head. Ten seconds until the clock struck twelve, you were rushing towards where you heard Todd was at.
That’s when you saw him with that girl, kissing her as everyone started cheering for the start of a new year. Some start that was. All it got you was seeing the guy you were in love with dragging some unnamed girl upstairs to his room.
The room you were lying in.
“Knock knock.” You heard a voice coming from the door. You look up and it was the last person you want to see. Todd Stevens. His stupid hair you could comb your fingers through, his stupid blue eyes you could drown in, his stupid smirk on his stupid face that you just wanted to kiss.
You knew he wasn’t the only one who was stupid. In fact, you were even more so. You were still stupidly in love with him.
“Sleepin’ beauty’s awake,” he sat next to you on his bed. “You passed out on Tom. Apparently you drank so much and he was tryna get you to stop.” You turn away from him. You couldn’t help but feel ashamed. You weren’t one to indulge in alcohol to the point of being this hungover. Hell, you could remember the countless of times you made fun of him because you had to help him because he drank too much. Now, it was your turn on this end and it wasn’t like you. And he can tell. And you hated him for that. “You don’t usually go drinkin’ til you can’t stand. Was Carlton that bad? Did he reject you or somethin’?”
You promised yourself your New Years resolution would be telling the truth. Especially to Todd. You could spill everything right now. You could do what you were supposed to during the party.
“Not really. Didn’t have the guts to tell him.” You lie through your teeth. You lie cause it’s easier. You lie because it’s the only thing that’ll keep you afloat. The only thing that’ll keep him there, next to you, holding your hand like a lifeline. You’d never get this again if you tell him.
Along with your many old resolutions that you made in the past, you couldn’t keep the promise you made to yourself.
Todd groans in reply. “Seriously? Fuck, I’m startin’ to think you don’t even like the guy.”
You freeze. Shit. “Maybe I would have done better if you… I don’t know… gave me back up. Where even were you last night?”
He ignored your question. “I gave you enough back up. I was practically singin’ your praises. He almost thought I was in love with you.” He rolls his eyes, scoffing like it was ridiculous and your heart sunk at the small action. “What an idiot.“
“Don’t be an asshole, Todd. It’s not his fault he misunderstood what we are.”
Clearly Carlton wasn’t the only one to misunderstand things either. You couldn’t blame Todd for the way you were feeling. God knows you wanted to but you can’t. It wasn’t his fault that you were feeling the way you were. It wasn’t his fault that you fell for him.
You were just misunderstanding your whole relationship, desperately trying to look for signs that weren’t there. And now? You’re still lying to him after everything.
Fuck, I’m so selfish.
“Guess he’s not the only one.” He shrugs his shoulders. “I remember a bunch of my ex girlfriends hated you because they thought we were together behind their back. Do we really give off that impression?” He turns to look at you. Despite the irritating smirk on his face, his words were genuine. He never listened to rumors. He was always so calm and composed and he liked to tune things out that he didn’t care for. That’s how he got to be the president of Kappa Nu Alpha in the first place.
“I don’t know. I don’t think so. We’re just… us.”
He chuckles. “Yeah, Us.” His hand slips in yours. It was warm, you savored it. He’s not looking at you but there’s a content look on his face. “Wouldn’t want to change anythin’.”
“Neither would I.” A lie. It’s all a lie. Why can’t I say anything that isn’t a lie? I want more. I need more.
I need you—
Your train of thought stops as you awkwardly clear your throat. “You still haven’t answered my question, by the way.” You cross your arms, playfully glaring at him. “Where were you last night? You disappeared after I went off with Carlton.”
His expression suddenly darkens. It didn’t help that he averts his gaze to anything but your eyes. His smirk falters for a moment before it’s back on as if it never left. “Nowhere. Just chattin’ with a few people.”
Guess I’m not the only liar between us.
“I was out doin’ stuff for a bit. Nothin’ you need to worry about. But you did kick me out of my room. Had to sleep somewhere else cause of you.”
“Yeah, I bet…” you mumble underneath your breath. It was out before you even knew it.
“What was that?”
“Nothing!” You straighten your posture as if that could make you look even less guilty. He chuckles at the sight.
“Well, you seem alright. I have somewhere I need to be. You alright on your own?” He stands up and adjusts his sleeve cuffs. You nod in response. “Okay then. Don’t fuckin’ touch anything, I swear to God.” He points in your direction. “Stay in that damm bed before you throw up on my floor.”
“When have I ever?” You felt a smile creep up on your lips. This was good. You’re falling into your usual routine with Todd. Nothing’s weird. He didn’t hear you. Everything’s fine, right?
“I don’t know what you’re capable of when you’re hungover and I don’t think I want to know.” He waves at you before heading out the door.
You slump down on the bed, already grabbing your phone to talk to anyone who could listen. You need to spill this all out to someone before you explode.
Finally, your eyes fall on a certain name in your contacts. You dial the number before even thinking.
“Hey, Katie… it’s me…. Yeah, you were right.”
——
It was nice to have friends outside of Todd. Even though he’s your best friend and the one you love with all of your heart, your other friends aren’t that far behind. At least you had someone to talk to about this whole situation.
Katie offered a shoulder to cry on. You’re really thankful that you had a friend like her to lean on. For a small moment, you were at peace in the cafe. You both were even talking about stuff outside of Todd.
That was until a familiar voice called out your name. You turned your head and saw Carlton Jones, panting heavily as if he ran miles to get to you. You blink in surprise. “What are you-?”
“Stevens is back with his ex?!”
The world stopped for a while. You just kept your mouth shut. Was that why Todd had to leave so early? He didn’t mention a meeting with the Dean or anything related to his frat. He had no other reason to be in a hurry other than that.
“Which one? And- and how do you know?” You couldn’t help but ask even though you knew deep down who it was. Todd wouldn’t have a reason to hide getting back with his ex, not unless it was someone he knew you’d give him shit for.
“Britney Thompson, I think? One of my brothers caught them making out during the New Year’s Eve party. Think they fucked in his room-“
“Hey!” Katie elbows his side. “We didn’t need to know that part! Just keep it to yourself!”
You drown out the rest of their talk. Britney Thompson. When she was around, Todd always acted different. You never liked it and you convinced him to break up with her. Turns out, before he could do it, she cheated with someone from another frat. She said that she didn’t have a choice because Todd was always around you and she had to find affection that he wouldn’t give her.
He liked to pretend that he didn’t care after it happened. If you were none the wiser, you would have believed him.
And now, she’s back. Now, she’s going to take your best friend away from you again.
“Why’d you tell me this?” You ask him. “We only met once and very briefly at that. You didn’t have to tell me all of this.”
“I mean, with how you acted last time, I kind of assumed you two started dating.” He grabs a chair from a nearby table and sits down. “Thought it was shitty of Stevens to cheat on you when you confessed to him… but I guess it makes more sense that you didn’t and he got with the first girl that looks like you.”
Your nose scrunches up in disgust. Sure, you aren’t blind. Britney is extremely pretty and she managed to date every single frat president and athlete on campus, an impressive feat, but you knew how she treated Todd and how she enabled the worst parts of himself. “She does not-“
“She so does!” Katie perks up. “You guys share the same hair color!”
“No, we do not. She dyes her hair every other month-“
“Come to think of it. Every girl Stevens dates feels like they have some version of you in them.” Carlton adds, his eyes drifting across. “Whether it’s the hair, the eye color, the way they dress—“
“And why would you know that?” You snap, too tired to be nice and too cautious to think about the implication the way you wanted to.
“The guys over at KNA talk like their lives depend on it. Todd seriously needs to keep them in check… That freshman guy Tom tries to keep his mouth shut though.”
“Well, the guys at KNA suck so don’t take anything they say seriously.” You glance over at Katie who hasn’t said anything in a while and noticed that she was staring at something. You and Carlton look at each other until your gaze shifts to whatever she was staring at.
There you saw Todd. With Britney. His arm was around her waist, his head tilted to the side as he listens to whatever she was talking about. They head to the tables near the window then he catches our stares.
Carlton and Katie stiffen, their gazes turn to each other, pretending to talk to each other like nothing happened. You keep your eyes on him.
He looks at you with an expression you can’t recognize no matter how long you try to decipher it. He shakes his head before his attention goes back to Britney once again.
You stand up, your body moves on its own and you storm out of the cafe as quick as you could. You can hear Katie calling your name in worry but your legs don’t stop.
Neither do your tears.
You try your best to hold it in but they fall regardless when you feel the weight of his stare on you.
——
Dear Todd,
I love you
You’ve been staring at your journal for a good while now. You’ve torn off so many pages from it and erased so many words, you couldn’t keep track anymore. Writing has always been your escape. It’s why you even picked your major at all.
That being said, you couldn’t properly articulate your feelings about today or even this week. You were cooped up in your room until winter break was over and you were forced to start your last semester of college. All you could do is pour out your heart into a letter. A letter for him. That damned letter that got you in this mess in the first place. You wondered what life would have been like if he hadn’t found it. Todd likely wouldn’t have pushed you to talk to Carlton. He wouldn’t have gone off and hooked up with Britney and gotten back with her.
It’s almost funny how a stupid love letter you made during one of your study sessions ended up being the catalyst for what is now a strained friendship.
That probably hurts the most. You genuinely don’t remember the last time you haven’t spoken to Todd daily. Even when you had ugly fights, you still talked frequently to give each other passive aggressive comments and when they happened, neither of you could stay angry for long.
This is different. It’s been a week since you’ve seen him and you’ve been giving him the cold shoulder. You responded to many texts from your friends who heard about the situation from Katie (who also texted you) as well as Tom and even Carlton who somehow got your number.
There’s one person who texted you the most. You haven’t opened those yet. You didn’t want to, knowing full well who set them.
Todd was relentless in trying to get your attention. You’d be blind not to see it. But in his typical fashion, all it was for the first half of the week was him getting his frat brothers to convince you to talk. It never worked. It’s only today that he starts spamming your phone. You’re 100% convinced that the missed call from Tom was just Todd trying to get your attention.
It was strange really. Seeing a frat president go out of his way to get your attention was amusing. You’d feel flattered if you weren’t so upset.
Suddenly, you hear a knock on the door. You open it without thinking much of it. You’re taken aback by the man standing in front of you.
Fuck me. “Todd? What are you doing here?”
“You’ve been avoiding me,” he states. “You done yet?” He flicks your forehead with his fingers. The snark comments, it was like how you usually were during arguments. He’s offering you a chance for things to be normal again.
You don’t want them to be.
“This isn’t some fucking joke, Todd.” You swat his hand away. He’s taken aback by your harsh reaction and his expression hardens. “I’m not in the mood for your bullshit right now.”
You go back in your room, he follows suit. “What is with you? You’ve been acting weird this week! You’re avoiding me. You’ve never done that before!” He yells. You feel your anger bubbling up to the surface.
“So what, Stevens?! Do I have to be by your side at every waking moment?!”
“You know that’s not what I meant,” you don’t say anything and he takes this as a sign to keep going. “You came to my party and ended up passing out because of how much you drank then you act weird and distant in the morning after. And now? You won’t even look me in the eye! What’s your deal lately?”
“God forbid I wanted to start this year having fun.”
“That isn’t like you and I know you.” He grabs your shoulders. You didn’t have the heart to push him away. Not when you longed to have him this close to you. “Just… tell me what’s goin’ on. Did Carlton say somethin’ to you? Is that why you’re like this?”
“Carlton? What’s he got to do with any of this?”
His grip tightens, not enough to hurt but enough to be noticeable. “I saw you with him. At the cafe. Thought you guys were talkin’ about somethin’.”
“Yeah, with Katie. She was there too. And why does that matter anyway? I saw you with Brit.” His gaze doesn’t falter but his hold on you does. “Is that the important business you needed to attend to earlier this week? You couldn’t even tell me the truth.”
You’re a hypocrite. You knew that. You were just too angry to care.
He grits his teeth. “That’s because I knew what you would say about it-“
“For God’s sake, Todd! She cheated on you!”
“It’s not like I’m in love with her! It’s just temporary. It won’t last. I’m just lookin’ for a quick fix. That’s all it is.”
“Even so! She'll change you! Just like she did last time!”
“If anyone’s changed, it’s you.” He lets go before shoving a finger in your chest. “Ever since you wrote that letter to Carlton you’ve been actin’ off and I can’t figure out why.” Your palms curl into fists. Your frustration was starting to get the better of you. You try to get yourself to calm down before you say something you can’t take back. “The only time I help you out with this guy and you fuckin’ throw it away!”
Shut up.
“Speakin’ of which, I never even heard or saw you two havin’ a conversation.”
Stop it.
“So if you’re gonna accuse me of bein’ a shit friend for lyin’ to you, you should think about-“
“Oh my god! The letter wasn’t for Carlton! I lied to you!”
The confession slips out of your mouth before you could comprehend it. If you weren’t thinking clearly, you would have spilled your love towards him too.
10 seconds.
That’s how much time you both had left to repair whatever is left of your friendship.
10.
Todd looks at you. It’s an indescribable expression. No wonder you always compared him to a Rubik’s cube. You couldn’t figure him out. Especially not now.
9.
He laughs. It’s a sickening sound now. He doesn’t laugh like that usually. Not when he’s with you.
8.
“So I’m not the only one lying,” he says it as if he’s the one caught in a trap, not the other way around.
7.
You felt your heartbeat race. “Yeah, I guess you’re not. Call me a hypocrite for all I care, Todd but that lie isn’t as big as yours.”
6.
“So what if I didn’t tell you I met up with her? Weren’t you say we didn’t have to be by each other’s side all the time?” He threw his words right back at you. You didn’t think you could blame him.
5.
“Yeah, I did but we don’t keep things this serious from each other,” you try to argue. “I’d say getting back with exes is pretty serious.”
4.
He steps forward. “Fine. Then tell me this.” He takes your hand in his. It wasn’t warm like it normally was. It felt cold.
3.
“Who did you write that letter for?” He asks. You felt the world stop.
2.
“Was it for me?” You let go of his hand.
1.
“Get out.” It was the only thing that you could manage to say.
He didn’t question it. He didn’t argue. He didn’t push for an answer. Instead, he followed your order. He squeezed your hand before you left. You could barely feel it.
You could barely feel anything right now.
Because he knows now. He knows everything.
He knows what you truly feel.
You move over to the journal that was on your desk. The words on paper about Todd all scribbled out or torn up.
You didn’t have the motivation to write anymore but you still had thoughts running through your brain.
Dear Todd Stevens, I hate you. And I hate that I’m still in love with you.
