This part is a bit longer than usual, but it’s worth it(;
That night, y/n lay in her bed, homework finished early, nothing but quietness around her. But her brain was loud. How dare that damn Todd Anderson. Why couldn’t she forget about him for more than a minute? He wasn’t thinking about her, so why was she giving him time in her thoughts?
She was irritated with her longing heart. She knew she needed to put the silly feelings behind her, and move on. But she also knew it would take a little more time.
There was a knock on her door, then an immediate entry. “Hey, are you ready for the Dead Poets meeting?” asked Marsha as she let herself in to a room that was not hers.
“What is the point of knocking if you aren’t going to respect the principle of knocking, Marsha?”
“Because we are going to be late if we don’t leave like right now, come on!” she came over to her friend’s bedside, grabbing and pulling her by the arm.
“No, I’m not going to that.” Y/n resisted, remaining on her comfy, safe bed.
“What do you mean? I already told Charlie and Neil that we were coming! Is this because of Todd?”
“No.” she groaned, shoving her face into her pillow.
“Oh come on, it’ll be fine. He will come to his senses and realize how cool you are, I’m sure of it. Now let’s go!”
“Just go by yourself.” Y/n rolled over onto her back to look at her friend.
“I can’t do that. The guys like you better than me. Well, except for Charlie.” Marsha twirled her hair around her finger.
“Oh, so this is about Charlie. See, I knew you couldn’t be this eager to go to a poetry meeting.” she teased.
“Shut up, that’s not the only reason. I mean, it was kinda fun last time. And it’s something for my best friend and I to do together. And it’s a great way for us to get some smart, romantic boyfriends!” Marsha leaned down, pinching y/n’s cheeks playfully.
Y/n laughed, pushing the other girl away, “Stop it!”
“I will, now come on. They’re expecting us.”
“Fine, fine. If it’ll get you to shut up.” she rose up from the bed, and Marsha cheered, clapping her hands together. Y/n shook her head with a giggle when she stood up, watching her friend hustle to the door. She stopped at her desk on the way out, grabbing her notebook. Maybe she would read something that she had written.
…..
“So, what’s going on with you and y/n?” Neil out his arm across Todd’s shoulders as they made their way to the cave that evening.
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, come on Todd, do you like the girl?”
Todd shrugged, unused to talking about this sort of thing, unused to the feelings inside of him. “I don’t know. I don’t even really know her.”
“But you want to get to know her?”
Todd spoke out of the side of his mouth, “Maybe.”
“See? I knew you had it in you. You’re a poet, Todd, a real romantic. If you like her, make her feel seen, write something for her, do something bold. She must know what you’re feeling.”
“I don’t know, Neil. That’s just not who I am. You know that.”
“But you could be.”
Todd let out a little scoff with a shake of his head as he looked ahead, watching Knox and Charlie as they led the way.
“And I haven’t heard you say that don’t like her.” Neil pointed out.
When Todd looked over at his best friend with his dark brows raised, and he couldn’t help but grin.
………
All of the Dead Poets had just settled into their meeting when they heard footsteps coming in. Marsha led the way for y/n, both girls ducking their heads until it was safe to stand up straight.
"Oh hey guys, I'm glad you made it. Sit down!" called out Neil, greeting the female Poets.
"Thanks Neil." y/n answered, sitting next to Marsha who took the spot by Charlie.
"So, Marsha, I was thinking that if we were a couple, people could save time by just putting our names together and just call us Marshlie." Mr. Dalton declared the cheesy line as he put an arm around the girl.
"Or...Charsha!" Marsha chimed in and she and Charlie laughed, causing an uproar of annoyed groans from the crowd. The boys booed the happy twosome, a couple of them throwing wads of paper at Charlie.
Y/n giggled at the scene, looking across the way to see Todd laughing along. He moved his head, locking eyes with her, but this time he didn't look away. He didn't want to.
With everything inside of him, he wanted to go to her, to take her in his arms and hold her and kiss her for hours. Just looking into her eyes, his heart would swell. But he was not that guy. He couldn't be, could he?
…….
Many poems were read, discussions had, and eventually, Neil looked over at y/n. “Do you have anything that you would like to share this time, y/n?”
Her attention switched from the Perry boy’s dark brown eyes to folded up paper on her hand, “Um, it’s kind of embarrassing and…raw right now. I just scribbled it down one night. I don’t know if I should read it. It’s silly, but I felt better bringing something.”
“Well, you must have brought it for a reason. Even if you don’t know what that is.” Knox pointed out.
“Yeah, and you should know by now that we won’t make fun of you. That’s not what we’re about.” added Neil.
She met Todd’s gaze, taking in what the other boys had said and with a deep breath, she said, “Okay. I’m gonna stay seated for this, if that’s okay?”
“Of course,” Neil said with a happy grin, “I think we can all hear you.”
Todd put his tobacco pipe in his mouth, striking a match to light it. He had the sudden need to stimulate himself in some way. Y/n was about to speak, and he needed a way to calm his nerves.
She unfolded her piece of paper, licking her lips as her eyes grazed over the penciled words. “It’s a poem, or it’s supposed to be.”
“How do I grieve
Something that never was
Like a flower
That never got its chance to bloom
We can blame the rain
For not coming
Or perhaps the sun
Was too much
The soil was not ready
The ground cold and hard”
Before she finished the final line, she looked up, naturally meeting the eyes of Anderson, bright and vividly blue against the dark brown blackness of the cave’s interior.
“Impenetrable”
The boys and Marsha were quiet as she closed the paper in on itself, shoving it into her coat pocket.
"I love it." said Neil. Everyone looked over at him. "I feel that it comes from a really personal place, so we appreciate you sharing with us."
"I like how you related feelings of grief to nature." quipped Charlie, placing his pipe back between his lips after speaking his piece.
To give her friend some comfort, Marsha gave y/n a warm touch on the hand.
..........
Todd felt every word of y/n's poem, taking her art to his heart. He knew that she was getting over him. Whatever simmering feelings she had were coming to a plateau. He had to do something. She was too valuable to lose. He would never forgive himself if he let her go.
Being a wallflower had gotten him nowhere in life, except Welton, in the shadow of his perfect older brother. But he was done with the comparisons. This was for himself, and for her. She needed to know the truth; he liked her back.
He walked several paces behind y/n and Marsha for a couple of minutes, working up the nerve that never came. He knew it was a now or never moment, so he blurted out her name, loudly.
Both girls turned around.
His hands in fists, Todd stood straight, "Um, can I walk you to your door?"
The two girls looked at one another, y/n giving Marsha a nod. She looked at the boy, taking note of how vulnerable he was. She knew it was not easy for him to do what he just did.
"Charlie!" yelled Marsha to the boy walking in the group behind Todd.
As Marshlie caught up to one another, Todd and y/n walked side by side.
"So, I'm really sorry about the research paper."
"I don't care that much about the paper, Todd."
He closed his eyes briefly, trying hard to remember everything he wanted to say to her. "I know. Please, just let me finish. I'll lose my nerve, alright?"
"Okay." she answered, a sly smile threatening to turn up the corners of her lips. She bit her lip, not wanting him to stop his speech, not wanting him to be afraid.
"The truth is that...I've never done this before. I-I I've never liked anybody before. I didn't know how to do it, and I didn't want to screw it up so...I did nothing."
"Well, that is a good way to screw it up." she responded. Wait, did he say he liked me?
"I know that now. It's just in the moment, I was scared. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. Your poem made a lot of sense to me, and I feel so guilty, y/n."
"It's alright, Todd. It means a lot to me that you've spoken up. I know it's hard for you to express yourself."
Todd smiled softly at the girl walking beside him. Now, he could see a clear picture; he could be a good boyfriend, he would do the nicest things for her, and he would get to see her sweet smile in return. Her lips were so soft-looking, with the tiniest gleam of moonlight on them.
..........
"So, I think if we use class time tomorrow, we can get the paper finished, then we can both go over the whole thing, if you want." y/n yapped on about their shared project. She stopped at her door, turning and leaning back against the door. "Make edits, you know.” she shrugged, looking into Todd’s eyes, which was now becoming her favorite thing to do.
“Yeah…yeah.” he agreed, nodding slowly, swiping the tip of his tongue between his lips. His eyes lowered to her lips.
Suddenly, he leaned in, and she let out a small gasp as his mouth met hers. Soft lips, eagerly pressing hers, she felt weak as her heart skipped a beat.
He grew bolder, pressing her fully against the door with his body. He kissed her again, eager to make it good for her. He wanted her to feel everything he couldn’t say.
Y/n giggled in between kisses, placing her hands delicately on his face. “Oh, Todd.” she whispered. “I can’t believe this.” She pulled him into another kiss. She couldn’t get enough.
He leaned into his instincts and put his hands on her hips. He had never felt so warm and so free. His entire body tingled with excitement.
Needing to catch her breath after a moment, she pulled away, holding onto his face, her fingers sprawled across his jaw. “Okay,” she breathed out, “you’re sorry about standing me up on our study date, I get it.” she grinned.
