To Expel
Did you know that you can not only expel someone or something, you can also reexpel and unexpel according to the dictionary. I did not even know it was possible to reexpel someone. Can you exile someone who has already been exiled. I have been pushed out of a social circle that I was a part of for quite a while. I was mischaracterized and slandered. I even got a slander suit in return as a kind thank you from some clear thinking woman (last sentence is dripping with heavy sarcasm). I feel silenced by this community because know one seems to hear me.
But interestingly, I have slowly discovered that my lack of voice in that space says more about them than it does about me. Why do I keep searching if I am the problem when I get silence in return. I only hear rumors that any problem must stem from me.
So I do my best to keep moving forward. I am such a fool that if that community said they want me back I would accept. I’m just not one to carry grudges for a long time. I open my mouth to speak when it would be much easier to turn a blind eye. I look for the good in others when they show a glimmer of brilliance. I just don’t give up. The best choice, many would say, is leave flaming dog poop on several front doorsteps, pack up what shred of dignity I might have left, and move away. Those are people who don’t know I put flowers on people’s proverbial doorsteps and find new songs to sing. There have to be silver linings to all these clouds.