I mentioned I'm going to go see the Hobbit, and that I'll probably just cry because everyone dies. (I'm going to say now that my mother has read everything Tolkien wrote. Everything. She read fucking Silmarillion which I still haven't managed, and she read Tolkien to me when I was a kid, which is one of the few good memories I have of her)
And she went like "Oh no what about the mountain troll? He doesn't die does he?"
"... What. Mountain troll."
"The mountain troll! The little troll that lives in a cave!"
"....Bil...bo???"
"No not him the troll that lives in a mountain and has a hammer"
"...What even... Thorin??? WHat. Balin??? Gollum???"
"Nonono. Anyway he can't die since he's in Lord of The Rings, so *everyone* doesn't die."
"...... fUCKen GIMLI!?"