Tommy Edison’s "How Do Blind People Know When To Stop Wiping?” video transcript
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This video is already available with closed captioning if that’s a better option for you.
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Here comes a question I get asked more than any other:
[Several screencaps of YouTube comments are displayed, accompanied by loud “bang” sounds as they appear. All the comments, while not worded exactly the same, ask essentially the same question]
“How do you know when to stop wiping?”
[music]
So I was trying to figure out how to answer this for you in a video. So [giggles] we talked about going to Costco and just loading up a shopping cart full of giant things of toilet paper [sped up footage of a cart being pushed down some aisles and then the camera stops in front of toilet paper] right, and that was gonna be, you know, a short little video like that.
But then one day it struck me, and I went, “Wait, you know what? Not one of you has ever asked me how I wipe my face or my mouth after I’ve eaten like a donut or something like this.”
And I find that really interesting, I mean, that’s the part that you see. You don’t see, you know, after I’ve been to the bathroom, you don’t know that part. But you see my face, like after I have a meal. No- not one of you ever asked me that. And I think that’s important.
[Footage of Tommy drinking from a water bottle. Music plays]
So how do I know when to stop wiping anything? So for example if I spill a drink, right, how do I know when to stop wiping to clean it up? I have to look, and try to examine and figure out where it all went and get as much of it as I possibly can. So instead of using a couple of paper towels maybe I’m using you know, 10 of 'em or 12 of 'em, but I don’t care.
See, my job is to clean up the spill. If I spill a cola, for example, and I don’t get all of it there’s gonna be a sticky spot that I will eventually find and then I can go back and get it. It might attract bugs, and I don’t want that in my house, please. Those freak me out.
The simpler way for me to answer this question for you might be to just show you one of those big redwood or sequoia trees, right? [camera panning up a redwood tree] That’s about how much toilet paper I might need [laughs].
[a beep is heard]
This is one of my favorite things to hear my phone or the computer say to me like on Twitter or Facebook.
[YouTube comment shown on screen, read by the computer]
“How do you know when to stop wiping after you go number 2?”
[Laughs] See what I mean? Hilarious!
[music playing. A clapperboard is shown being used in front of Tommy, presumably other takes from filming the video]
You know what also is funny, though? In every bathroom I’ve ever been in, not only is there a toilet, but there is a sink.
Does that make sense? So I poop in the sink! [laughs]
I like to do that in people’s houses sometimes, I go, come out the bathroom and go “Boy, its really high the toilet, isn’t it?” [laughs]
[music]
In person, people ask me that question a bit but I think I’ve heard it more online, honestly. I mean, every now and then somebody [putting on a voice] “Hey, uh, Tommy, you know, in the bathroom, you know, how you know when to stop wiping, you know what I mean?” [normal voice] and I’m like, I never quite know how to answer it, until now [chuckles]
You know, you guys sorta made me think about it more than anybody, so I thank you for that, and I, you know what? I hope you enjoy my answer. [chuckles]
To be honest, I’m a little pooped, I gotta stop this [laughs]
[Music playing as credits roll.
Credits:
Directed & Edited By
Ben Churchill
Photo
“Toilet Paper” by Pete
Music
“Hip-hop Rap Beat” by Hyde
“Post Op” by Soundimage.org
“Trio” by Prod. Locoflop
“Latin Melancholic” by Paul Tyan]
[The Tommy Edison Experience
A Ben Churchill Production
Now availabe on
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[Dr. Phil voice] We have a place in Chula Vista, California, that I think will teach you exactly how to wipe and know when to finish, if you’re willing to commit to it
