Pining For Tomura Shigaraki
Request: i really liked ur unrequited pining hcs for shigaraki! could i request the opposite where the reader is pining for shigaraki but he’s with someone else? can you make it angst to fluff where they do end up getting together at the end? thank you <3
A/N: I didn’t know how to make it fluffy so I hope this is good enough!!
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It’s a pain to see Shigaraki with someone else. It’s a different type of hurt that makes you feel like there’s a weight on your chest, something heavy and unforgiving, all the while every breath that you take is something you have to force. You try to be happy for him, involved in the relationship and happiness that he found, but you can’t bring yourself to be around them too often; and even when you are, you catch yourself staring at them with a forlorn look in your eyes, wishing that you would know how it was like to be so close to him. You want to hold him close to you, you want to know what his hands feel like and how his hands will fit into yours. You want to be closer to him,but you can’t and with him in the arms of another, you can only hold a pillow close to you, hoping that when you wake up, your feelings for him would be gone.
Jealousy courses through you- you want him to be happy, but you also want him to be happy with you. It’s like the relationship is only there to mock you. You want to be happy for him and a part of you is, a part that’s forced to show its face whenever he walks away from you to kiss his partner. You have to smile for him and act like you aren’t bothered by the total disregard he has for you. You’ll wave a hand, a smile on your face as you turn away and find somewhere to just collapse.
You don’t hate either of them. There’s no secret hatred that you have for either, but you can’t lie that you wish that the relationship would end- that it would be some sort of facade to make you jealous or that his partner is secretly a horrible person who’s only using him or something of that fashion, but it isn’t that. He likes them, he gushed about them and came to you with an excited smile on his face telling you how he shared his first with them and during that time, you were more than happy to tell him to go back so you could cry in peace. As cliche as it sounds, it was like your heart had shattered and when it reformed, it was like a piece of it was gone, taken and only an empty space left as a painful reminder. They aren’t horrible either, they’re nice enough, smiling at you and even asking for your opinion to get him a gift. That’s the worst part- they aren’t some monster in the disguise of a pretty face.
The term friend will always be there to describe you. You’re just the spare ear that will listen to him, the shoulder to lean on when he’s gotten into an argument with them. As much as it hurts, you deal with it. You don’t want him to think you’re spiteful, you want to be happy so you wear a brave face and let him wander into your room, and rest against you. You try to give him good advice, telling him what you would like to hear if you were in the relationship. It’s almost a mockery on how he lays beside you, his head resting on your shoulder and both of your legs covered by your blanket. In the morning, he’ll leave and when you walk into the shared living place, you’ll see them beside each other, their hand cusps the side of his face, turning him gently towards them as they press their lips against his.
Shouts can be heard in the entire house- muffled but enough for the rest of the League to give nervous glances to each other. The words are harsh, bitter and barely able to be made out but no one bothers to speak over it. You all simply wince, eyes wide and lips pulled thin when a door is slammed and heavy footsteps grow close. Everyone avoids making eye contact by looking down and acting interested with a pair of cards, but curiosity gets the best of you, and you turn to look at the culprit, your eyes locking with his partner. There are tears in their eyes, their lips pulled into a deep frown and brows knitted. They only tell you two words before they close the door, walking away and leaving the door in silence. Jin whispers the words under his breath, hissing and shaking his head at the end of it. “It’s over.”
Silence feels the room, eyes meeting each other until you’re the center of attention. You aren’t close enough to chase after them and try to figure out what happened. You think you should, you know you probably should considering that they were the one who stormed off with tears in their eyes. And given their statement, you could only assume the worst. A part of you actually feels guilty for having a sprinkle of hope from their statement. Your knees feel weak and you can only mumble a half-hearted thing that can’t even be considered a sentence. Eyes are on you, disappearing as you turn a corner and disappear into the hallway. Your knuckles tap against the wooden door and nothing is said to you in response. You plead behind it, asking to be let in, practically begging.
Worry runs off of you in thick fumes, your forehead creased as you’re allowed entry. He lays on his bed, his face hidden in his hands as his hair creates a halo around him. His bed creases under your weight, your hand is held at his elbow, tugging at his elbow gently. His fingers spread, his eyes peeking between the gaps. His eyes are rimmed red, a soft frown on his lips that part as they ask you why you’re here. You bite your tongue, telling him that you heard- or at least can figure out that something bad had happened between the two of them. He groans in response, turning away from you and groaning into his hands.
You’re told the story- a fight happened, it had escalated, and now they’re over. Officially. You hate the butterflies that happen in your stomach when it’s confirmed. You don’t ask what the fight was about, rationalizing that if he wanted you to know, he would have told you. You two are close. You two should be close but in his hurt state, you know better than to push. Silence is between the two of you- one that grieves a lost relationship while the other sits hoping for something to happen. The bed lifts, your hand leaving his body, opting to give him space but his hand catches your wrist, his eyes still focused on the wall opposite of him, a silent plea that begs you to stay beside him. And who are you to leave your friend to wallow in misery by themselves? You sit beside him, his head resting on your lap and your hand petting at his head.
After the break-up, he’s grown quite attached to you. You aren’t sure if it’s because you were there after the break-up, if he’s just lonely, or if it’s a mixture of both. Even though time has passed, your feelings for him haven’t dimmed and knowing that he’s single has actually strengthened them, making you believe that you actually have a chance with him. Friendship is starting to get too painful, knowing that he’s so close, that he’s choosing to spend time with you and smiling at you like it were the times before he had gotten a partner. It makes you sick. You run your hands through your hair, brows furrowed and your stomach twisting causing you pain. It’s rude of you to assume that he would take notice of the turmoil he’s set on you but you wish he would. You wish that he would recognize the feelings that you have for him.
Confessing to Tomura is a horrible decision, one that makes your mouth dry and tears spring to your eyes. You can’t face him and you regret it but it’s been horrible on you to fester with your feelings with him acting so close to you. He stares at you with a blank face, as if he’s unable to comprehend what you just told him. You turn away from him, a frown on your lips, as you bounce in your place. His index and middle finger press under your chin, gesturing for you to look upwards. He tells you that he had felt some attraction to you before he started dating his ex-partner, but hadn’t figured that you had felt the same, and went for someone else. He confesses how afterwards, he was glad that you had been there for him and that it made him appreciate you more and had made him realize just how much he cares for you. While he isn’t one to rush into a relationship, his hand lowering and going to hold your wrist and step closer to you, he does want to be in one for you and with you, his smile tentative and lopsided.
