Could you ever love/be committed to more than one person/romantic partner?
“Nope. I’ve tried that before, I mean, not really tried, but just getting connected to people. Feeling like they’d rather be with someone else really fucking sucks. I feel like I give a lot of myself to someone when I commit to them, and all I kind of want is to have some of them back, I’ve just kind of allowed myself to hope that will happen with a lot of people when it didn’t, so I gave a lot of myself away and I’m not really sure I ever got all of it back. At this point I don’t have much left to put out there romantically, even for one person, but I will, because I know I can’t handle five hundred years of this feeling. Feeling like I’m watching everyone else have someone and I’m trapped, feeling envious even when I’m happy for them, feeling weak that I can’t just cope sometimes, feeling tremendously alone. I’m not going to keep putting people through me feeling this way though, it’s not fair and it does nothing. Sympathy and hugs won’t make it go away, friendship won’t make it go away. I just have to deal with it. Push through. I’ll be fine. I’m always fine.”
