I'd be fascinated to know how anxiety plays into primaries and secondaries, if people with anxiety burn more easily and if they model certain things.
Confused? Pretty sure this was sent to a different blog? @wisteria-lodge had a lot of asks to answer and asked for some help from the SHC community, so I’ll be answering a few they sent my way!
How much more easily I can't personally say, but hoo boy, anxiety is definitely one way to burn a House to a crisp. How it affects houses in general... I feel like that’s going to be so different by person I can’t say very specifically. But anxiety’s going to make it hard to trust yourself, and I personally theorize that lack of trust in yourself is one of the fastest routes to burning. (Especially a secondary -- but lacking trust in your ability to know what’s good/right/important can also mess up a primary pretty fast.)
I would not be surprised if people with anxiety tend to model a lot, because they’re trying to make up for that nervousness. However, personal experience is going to play into that so heavily, between what they’re anxious about specifically, what their influences are, and how their houses play into each other, I don’t think there’s going to be anything specifically that gets modelled across the board -- though I would be surprised if a lot of people model Snake Secondary specifically for anxiety reasons?
I would not be surprised if at least certain kinds of anxiety lead to modelling Bird Secondary specifically, because of planning and double-checking, but I don’t think that’s universal! (I know my Bird Sec is the target of my anxiety way more than it’s a relief to it, personally.) I also wouldn’t be surprised if people with anxiety who haven’t burned their Primary have had a lot of checks built into it, and otherwise put it through a lot of testing just to make sure they’re not going astray -- though this is probably more noticeable with some primaries than others, depending on what they use as a check.
Also, this one is entirely anecdotal, but... anxiety definitely leads to me doubting my sorting a lot. Does a single other sorting feel at all applicable when I go looking through it again? Not really -- but what if I am wrong about that, I ask myself, taking the quiz again for the fourth time this month. So, I wouldn’t be surprised if it takes people with some kind of anxiety longer to settle on a sorting, because that’s definitely my experience!
I know you have stuff for burned Lion to help unburn about what do I think could help the other primaries unburn? Like would a snake unburn just by going out a making friends? But like talking to people can be scary and it takes time to make friends... And I suppose Badgers could maybe join new communities I suppose. I have no idea what Bird would do other then make/fix their system but I have no clue how one would go about doing that.
Confused? Pretty sure this was sent to a different blog? @wisteria-lodge had a lot of asks to answer and asked for some help from the SHC community, so I’ll be answering a few they sent my way!
Not to get too serious here, but I think it's important to note this anyway: The first steps to unburning are the same for everyone, and it's getting yourself in a position where you can unburn, and working on what caused that damage. Something hurt you in a very important place. You need to get away from the thing that hurt you, and it's entirely possible there's going to be something you need to deal with about it before you can fully fix it. You might be able to get a little better, even if that's not immediately possible, but at its core, unburning is more about being able to deal with what caused you to burn than it is anything else.
But, if that's a road you can get on, there's likely to be things you can do along the way. I can’t tell you how to let people in, join new communities, or build a system, not the least because that’s gonna depend on your person who, what, and how too much for me to say generally. Also, I don’t see that as the process so much as both the consequence -- as you unburn, you’ll probably be able to figure out how to connect to these things in a way you had trouble doing when burnt -- and the eventual endgame. There are baby steps to go through first.
What I can offer is some generalities, and make some educated guesses at how they’ll apply to Snake and Bird Primaries, and some slightly more informed guesses from my position as a Burned Badger, but if anyone else -- any actual Snakes and Birds in particular -- have some insight on things that helped them or thoughts on what they think might do so, I'd love to hear it. Under the bump, because this post grew kinda long:
➢ Engage with fiction and media that feeds your primary.
Snakes can try attaching to characters; Birds can think about the rules underpinning a different life or universe; Badgers can borrow that found family feel from media to feed that need. Look up characters that share your primary, and think about how their stories make you feel. Make a playlist and stick songs that make your primary hum on it. Start keeping a document full of quotes or a bookmark folder full of images that hit your brain in that way.
You don’t need to be able to explain why you feel that way, especially not immediately. Get as tenuous and weird with those connections as you want! But spend some time listening for what your primary clicks with. From there you might want to dissect the why, or you might just want to wallow in it -- that’s probably a secondary thing, really -- but either way, the stockpile can be useful.
➢ Find low-impact things that feed your primary.
Which may not be the best phrasing, so let me give you an example: as a Badger who’s burned and a little hesitant about actively engaging in community, one of the things that really soothes that need for connection for me is livestreams. I don’t even read along the chats on most of them, but having that sense that other people are participating in the same thing I am gives me the warm fuzzies and makes me feel like a part of something. Timed challenges can do it too -- I like to participate in things like NaNoWriMo and NaPoWriMo, because there’s a sense that everyone’s in it together. These don’t require me to directly tackle the burn -- I’m not fully engaging, and nobody ever has to know I’m there, but it still feeds that part of me and keeps me attached to it.
I gotta admit for this one I don’t know necessarily what this might look like for Birds and Snakes -- I don’t even know if the things that work for me here would work for other Badgers! But if you can find something that stirs those feelings, while being non-important enough that you still can engage, hold on to it, make a note of it, and try to set aside time for it as best you can.
➢ Talk about important things with people who share your primary.
This might work better for some than others, but for me, being part of the SHC community has been a big help in helping me feel like my Badger could someday get healthier. Seeing other Badgers say things and going “oh! yeah! I get that!” feels really good. Now, maybe this is a Badger-community-seeking thing, so if any Birds/Snakes feel differently and want to chime in, go for it -- or it might look differently there! for Birds it might involve healthy debate, for Snakes listening to other Snakes gush about their loved ones -- but it may be worth giving a try.
And narrowing down the broad topic of healing specifically aimed at your primary, these are easier said than done, but the applicable ones probably need doing nonetheless:
➣ Accept that unburnt you may interact with your primary differently than memories you might have of pre-burnt you.
➣ Forgive yourself and don’t beat yourself up for being burned.
➣ When you do feel your primary stirring, learn not to doubt and shout it back down.
But as I said, these are just my thoughts as a Badger who’s still working on trying to unburn, so -- anyone else out there have suggestions or things that worked for them?
