1. v3.5 = 3rd year of enthusiastic running/jogging and all training and runs partaken related to it; number following denotes participation in organized runs/I paid for the whole she-bang of goodie bags and post-run milo of that year! taken as ".5" as I really have stopped counting!
2. This is an update from v2.1
Number of years active (to date): 2 years and 10 months
Number of songs on "run" playlist: 150
Number of kgs lost to date: 26.4kg
Number of runs participated in to date: I stopped counting?
Number of average kms per training run: 10km.
Number of headphones busted: 7
Number of training runs average per week: 5 (depending on weather!)
Number of iPhone sacrificed for the sake of a run: 1 (NEVER AGAIN!)
Number of shoes sacrificed: 1 (gah, I still am unsure if I left it or the bag was open or whatever but I lost THE MOST EXPENSIVE SHOES I EVER BOUGHT!)
Number of crazy person doing this: 1
To get to sub 3.5hours for a half marathon by September 13th, 2013. And then to sub 3. :)
NOT to be swept by the sweeper bus/get on the sweeper bus at my first full marathon.
To do and complete my first full marathon before my 42nd birthday, and to run a 42km for my 42nd birthday...and continue to run until I am not healthy enough to do such runs anymore.
- okay, I AM running my first 42km for my 30th year on this earth! I have a feeling revenge runs will follow and I will be running 42km (or more?) for my 42nd birthday in 12 years time!
1. Nike Air bought on ebay for AUD30 - now used only in dance classes. heh. --> donated for charity.
2. Brooks Ghost 3 (on discount!! got mine for ~RM200): this is what I use to run in --->lab shoes now
3. Vibram FiveFingers Bikila LS (RM329 post discount): this is what I use to train in, alternates with my Ghost 3 on the week running up to a run. ---> gym/TRX shoes.
--- okay, I have also now a Saucony Cortana, Newton Distance U, Cloudrunner ON (LOST THIS AT SCKL!), and Newton Stability Trainer. I am alternating between the 2 Newtons and I think I will run my FMV in the Distance U. The Cortana has been relegated to cross training and gym work.
Best Sports Bra: Lorna Jane (still), but Moving Comfort is a close second now.
Putrajaya Night Marathon 2011: 3:46:20 (21.175km)
Penang Bridge International Marathon 2011: 3:50:10 (21.0975km)
Brooks Half Marathon 2012: 3:37:20
Gold Coast Airport Marathon 2012: 2:56
PJ Half Marathon 2012: for the life of me I can't remember...
Putrajaya Night Marathon 2012: I can't remember this timing too!!!!
Malaysia Women Marathon 2013: 2:57
All right, I know I've told myself countless times that I am not one of those REAL runners who compete and have impressive PBs and such. Yet, here I am about to run my 3rd Putrajaya, taken as my "anniversary" to calling my relationship with Mr Running serious; and I am bummed. Sure, there are 2 ways to look at this from the above figures:
1) I am not cut to be a runner in the first place. I have always been the black sheep of my family- the only one doing science, the only one doing a PhD at a relatively young age, the only one actively running. I didn't mind this as much, I like being alone. But- when meeting fellow runners for the first time and told that my timing is still bad when I have been running for nearly 3 years? It sucks. It hurts. It's not great for the self-esteem and it takes away my love for running, because well, aren't you supposed to be great at doing something you love? And here I am- not even near average.
2) BUT. I started off finishing a half marathon at 3:46. What makes me think I could've aimed for a Full Marathon of 6 hours? Realistically I should say 8 hours for my first full-- but I think I can make it sub-7, and I think if I only shut the inner demons I could make it to 6.5. Yes, just run, be happy, don't care about time- BUT THIS IS IMPORTANT to me because I have always felt like I work so hard for everything in life and nothing comes easy and for once, I want the universe to reciprocate. I have spent and sacrificed time, money, sleep, even writing papers in the wee hours of the morning because I am stressed out with my job and stressing my co-authors because I am not writing/working as fast and stressing over the fact that I am not earning enough and should work 2 jobs but sticking it in this one job by cutting so many things financially to keep my time for running, keeping myself alone because I know I can't give myself to having a relationship even though I feel SO ALONE most of the time and missing people, losing friends because I cannot give time for them, chafing at undisclosed locations, et cetera. You know the list if you have trained and ran a full marathon before.
Okay, point #2 is the GYPSY syndrome. The world is NOT a wish-granting factory, Ly.
So do I call myself a runner?
I don't know anymore. If by definition a runner should be someone who runs full marathon sub6,sub5, sub4 heck the new world record is 2:03; then I am not. I am just someone who enjoy putting one foot after the other and just want to see the finish line. But why do I need to label myself anyway?
Yes, but not by much. I would love to make it to 2:45 or 2:30 for a half.
What are my sterling qualities as a human being?
Perseverance. I could've quit the PhD in 2009, I could've not return home to Malaysia, I could've... so many other things. But I made my choices. And it's my choice to try my first Full Marathon this November despite many telling me I shouldn't as I can't get my half time to 2:30. Yes, I need to re-assess my expectations, and it might sound lame to most of you that I am only aiming to finish. But if I set my expectations too high I will be sorely disappointed as I have with life in general and generally be unhappy. So yes. This is my talking-to to myself. Let's aim to finish. JUST FINISH.
Stubborn-ness. Well, once I say I am going to do something, I WILL DO IT.
Lack of confidence and low self-esteem. In my defense, you don't grow up being called "gorilla king-kong" by your own family, being the butt of so many fat-jokes, and being considered never good enough for anything, never pretty enough and so on without emotional scars that you bring into adulthood. But. Well, getting there! Running has shut the inner demons so far, it will hopefully continue to.
Tendency to compare. My legs, my body, my life. Why do I need to compare with others? oh yes, it's not called a race for nothing! >.
So how do I move forward?
Let's do all that I can first. Work is building up and stress is coming from all sides. I have already sacrificed family this year. So, adding speed work and strength training with less than 47 days to the Full might not make any difference but I can only say I tried. Dear God, how I am trying.
Whatever happens this November, just know that I will never quit running. And that's my promise to self.
