#toxic expectations

[butch-enjoyer]

The 🌽 industry has given me the toxic and unrealistic expectations that women can bounce on it for more the 30 sec!

[martelvintsvent]

"Not like other girls”

We talk a lot about toxic masculinity but here is one thing that sexism did to girls and women and that feminism failed to fix because the world will not let it be fixed. What I, for lack of a better word, will call “toxic femininity” or “toxic feminism” (TF), even though it’s not really what it is. I know the words are probably poorly chosen but it’s just my feeling about it, please don’t be mad at me for this. TF is being so afraid of hearing “yeah but that’s because you’re a girl” that you pretend to not like things that are typically considered feminine, like make up or pink or nail polish even though you like them TF is (un)cousciously refusing to be good at cooking or knitting or sewing because you feel like it’s a traditionnal girl thing and you don’t want to be a stereotype TF is doing your best to be calm as fuck during your period so that the answer to “why are you so mad? Are you on your period or what?” can never be “Yes” TF is feeling like you have to look down on girly women because they’re just “walking stereotypes” TF is doing whatever you can to go to work and struggle in a career even if you are a woman that actually wants to stay at home with your child or children, or take care of your partner and let them work TF is the “you are not forced to go into literature, girls can do science too!” ad that I saw on the school-given notebook when I was 11, as if my choice to go into literature later was somehow less valuable because it was the default choice for girls for a long time TF is the constant urge of being “better than a simple woman” out of fear that you are not being feminist enough by wanting typical woman stuff TF is feeling uncomfortable wanting a happy love story, a happy family, a pet and a house because it’s not “good enough” of a dream TF is the constant feeling of dragging other women down if you want simple things in your life and actually enjoy the things qualified as stereotypes TF is not wanting to express sadness or anger and sometimes even happiness because that’s a girl thing to be emotional TF is reconsidering your outfit because you’re afraid that other women will call you out for showing too much cleavage and “empowering the patriarchy by sexualizing yourself” And so many other things. I’m tired of this growing impression that to be an independant woman, you have to have no stereotypically feminine traits. I spend half of my teenage years actively trying to reject things because I didn’t want to be told “that’s because you’re a girl” and it still happens to me. i’m still scared when I do some nail art or cooking or sewing and talk about it that I’m gonna get “that’s girl stuff” as an answer. Same for the conflicts I’ve had sometimes when people would just tell me “yeah but she criticized you like that because that’s how girls fight”, like men can’t be hypocrites. I hear way too much about movies or other girls “you don’t need a man to be happy”. Yeah but what if they want to? Do you have to be a lesbian or aspec to be a feminist? It was a weird rant but society is so exhausting. We can’t win. Because feminism gave us more rights, but more and more women take up the label and twist it in a way that hurt girls as much as the system does. You can still fight for equality and want to fall in love. You can still fight for equality and like pink. You can still fight for equality and like short shorts, mini-skirts, cleavage, bikinis, high heels, nice hairstyles, cooking for your partner, taking care of your children or helping people taking care of theirs, stay at home, be bad at or hate science, like reading, like make up, want a traditionnal family in a nice house, sew, knit, be bad with cars, not like driving, not want a high paying job or long career. It’s your life. Please just be happy and don’t let other stop you or tell you your dreams are not enough because they’re “too traditional” or “stereotypical”