So long, we’d become the flowers
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Warning: Major Character Death
Summary: Emma is forced to let Killian die instead of turning him into a Dark One in Camelot. Canon divergence, but in no way is it better.
Word count: 2 959
Author’s note: Inspired by Hozier’s song In A Week.
This is it. Emma is about to step into a brighter future. And the man she wants to share it with gives her a soft, encouraging smile across the room. It's all she needs to shed any last shred of fear. She raises the broken sword and the dagger to join them in the light.
Then, in just one fatal second, everything goes from hopeful to horribly, horribly wrong.
"Hook, what’s wrong?”
"He's bleeding!"
The shouts instantly pull her attention away from her task, just in time for her to helplessly watch Killian stagger and fall to the ground.
The cursed blades slip from her hands, and she drops to her knees next to Killian. Terror seizes her heart as she watches him writhe in pain and desperately gasp for breath. His hand is clutching his throat and it's already coated in bright red blood that seeps through his fingers and stains the metal of his rings.
“No," Emma croaks out a broken whisper, "no, no, no."
This wasn't meant to happen. He wasn't meant to leave her. He was supposed to stay. He always stays. He's her survivor. He promised. He promised.
“Excalibur was forged to cut immortal ties. A wound from it cannot be healed.”
She can't even see the painful grimace on his face through the tears pooling in her eyes and spilling down her cheeks. But it's etched into her mind like a bleeding cut of her own.
She strokes his face gently and lovingly as if it could put him back together. She presses her shaking hand to his on the wound, trying to keep his life from escaping, but it slips right through her fingers. His eyes roll back into his head as he tries to rasp out a few comforting words. He's comforting her. Even now he's trying to make it easier for her. But it only makes it worse. Because God, she's gonna lose him. No. No no no. Oh, God, please no.
“Killian, you have to hold on," she begs him, grasping at the lapels of his coat until her knuckles turn white. "I can't lose you."
“It's alright," he tries to say, "Emma, it's alright."
It's not. It's the furthest thing from alright.
Her future is lying half-dead on the ground and he's as broken as the promise he made. And his face is turning as white as his lies, as all the blood slowly drains from his body. So much blood. Spilling out and drowning every last hope, painting that bright future red.
"No, please no. You have to stay," she sobs. "You have to stay. Come on, Killian. What about our future together?"
“Our future is now," he whispers in a low, tired voice between labored breaths. "Reunite the blades. So I c-can see you destroy the darkness before I g-go."
He's making a dying wish, she realizes. He's saying this is the end.
But this isn't a happy ending. This is an awful ending. This is a gruesome, blood-stained, futile tragedy.
Her true love, her future is laid down on this floor like a blood sacrifice at the altar of some foreign gods, and she has no say in it.
"No!" she cries.
"No?" Regina echoes incredulously.
"Emma, there's nothing you can do," her parents join in.
It's not true. She can save him. She will keep him. Even if it means pouring darkness into his veins and filling his head with demons. But what storm is there that they could not weather together? They can exorcise each other's demons, they can make this work.
They all plead with her not to do it. They tell her it'll come with the steepest of prices. But what price could be steeper than the one she's being forced to pay right now?
Her family is surrounding her on their knees. Her father is stroking Killian's head to comfort him as he's crying out in pain. Such tender care in their eyes, and they advocate for his death.
"I don't care what happens to me!" she argues against their pleas.
"Emma, wait."
"Please. Listen, you can't."
"Emma, your parents are right."
Killian can't even speak anymore. His eyes are clouded and distant and he's choking on his own blood.
How dare they say such things. How is this fair? After everything she's done for them. After everything Killian's done. Is he not family? Does he not deserve better than to be left for dead?
After she was promised as a sacrifice for the greater good on the day of her birth and made to bear the burden of their savior, how dare they tell her to give him up? After the risk she took for Regina and Robin, why can't she take the same risk for Killian?
"I'm not gonna lose Killian," she insists in a hoarse voice. "I won't let anyone stop me."
“No," she hears and the word pierces through her mind like a dagger and freezes her in place. The field of roses she's trying to reach in her mind is forcefully torn from her, and she remains nailed to the diner's floor.
She turns around with desperate fury in her eyes. Regina is holding out the blade with Emma's name on it. Blinding white-hot rage fills her at the sight.
“I won't let you do it, Emma," the Queen says, calm and resolute. "Let go."
Emma’s hands go slack on their own, losing their grip on Killian's leather coat. She glances at him with increasing panic in her eyes. Her heart is pounding so fast she might just die right there, immortal or not.
She's losing him. There's no time. Color is fading from his face. There's a puddle of blood around his head, soaking his ebony hair.
“What are you doing?" she barks out angrily, her voice breaking. She stares at her trembling hands.
"Saving you from making a mistake," Regina insists and her calmness sounds so infuriatingly arrogant to Emma's ears.
"No!" Emma sobs. "You don't get to do that! If you could have saved Daniel... or Robin... Look how far you were willing to go! How far you pushed me to save him! You can't do this to me!"
“I have to. You gave me the dagger, remember?"
"This isn't why I gave it to you!" she screams.
"This is exactly why you gave it to me," Regina counters.
“No! Give it to me. I take it back!"
"I'm afraid that's not happening," Regina shakes her head and takes a deep breath as she holds out the cursed blade. "I command you, Dark One, to let him go. For your own sake."
The command is final and nonnegotiable. It's a death sentence embellished with halfhearted self-righteousness. And there's nothing Emma can do against it. She might as well have her heart ripped out from her chest.
Emma wants to lunge at her but the tiniest of whimpers makes her whip her head around to look at Killian. All fight drains from her and she's left shivering with a cold dread, as her heart sinks deep into a pit in her stomach. She strokes his hair with a shaking hand and cries.
She can't even press her hand against the bleeding wound, no matter how much she wants to, because her own body refuses to obey her, as it's enslaved to the dagger's power.
Her forehead falls on his and she hugs him close, carrying them to the field of flowers in her mind.
“It's alright, Emma," he rasps out so quietly, she can barely hear him. "I don't want... to pay the price. I don't want to become t-that... It's enough... It's enough for me that... that you'll have that future."
"But that's not enough for me!" she cries desperately.
She calls upon the darkness to bring her Excalibur, but it doesn't come. The last command she was given still stands and her hands are tied. She can't do anything to save him.
She sobs into Killian's chest as it slowly ceases to rise and fall. The last thing she feels is a weak, trembling touch on the crown of her head. He uses his last drop of strength and consciousness to gently brush his fingers through her hair and then his hand falls limply at his side.
A loud, broken cry shakes Emma's entire body.
A part of her mind - that feels distant and separated, as if floating above her - is faintly aware of the birds chirping in the background and the rustling leaves, the sun on her skin and the sweet smell of flowers. They're back in the field of roses. Just the two of them...
She reaches for his hand, intertwines her fingers with his and pulls their joined hands close to her chest, over her beating heart. She keeps her eyes closed and snuggles into his side as if they're lying in bed together, in a home they share, in the house he picked.
But he is completely silent. Completely still. She can't steady her breath and he has lost his completely.
She'll never hear him snore. She'll never hear him laugh again. She'll never hear him say just the thing, she needs to hear when no one else gets it.
She wishes he would just say something so desperately, that it hurts.
"Say something, Killian," she whimpers into his shoulder and clutches his hand tighter. "Don't leave me like this."
Silence.
“Come back," she pleads quietly and strokes his face, smearing blood on his cadaverous skin. "Please, Killian."
Birds. Leaves. Breeze.
"You said you were a survivor. You said I didn't have to worry about you."
Not even a sigh.
“Liar," she sobs and holds him closer. "You're such a fucking liar."
They lie there. Like two bodies in a grave.
She can feel him slowly growing colder.
She knows that if she doesn’t get up now, she’ll just bury herself alive next to him. But she has to hide in the meadow, because he has taken off her armor and she can’t remember where it went.
At one point she rolls onto her back to lie at his side and keeps holding his hand, mirroring the way they lay in this exact same spot only a week ago. Maybe they just fell asleep there. Maybe she'll wake up to him snoring quietly next to her. Maybe she'll wake up and his hand will be warm again. Maybe he'll wake her with a sweet kiss and a playful tickle. Maybe she'll open her eyes to see him smiling down at her.
Slowly, she almost drifts off to a light slumber for the first time since she appeared in this godforsaken kingdom. But she can't.
The silence is deafening and the cold is seeping into her bones and the setting sun can't seem to warm her up.
And he's gone. And she's holding a corpse.
***
It takes almost an hour before they find her. They're all devastated and worried sick, but when Regina goes to summon Emma back, David stops her. He saw the look in Emma's eyes when she was controlled with it. They can't do it to her again. Especially not right now.
Henry doesn't say a word. He walks away to sit in a booth by himself, buries his face in his hands and cries quietly. Regina goes to comfort him, but he shrugs her hand off his shoulder.
When he raises his head up, they catch him staring blankly at the puddle of blood left behind on the floor. Someone quickly mops it up. Henry's eyes don't move from the spot.
The sun was just starting to set, when Emma disappeared with Killian. Now, the sky is slowly turning darker and a pink glow bleeds into the horizon.
"Where has she gone?" Snow asks anxiously after a long, stunned silence.
“How would I know?" Regina throws her hands up.
“We should go find her," Snow insists.
“Well, I could just summon her," Regina grumbles, waving her hand with the dagger.
“We said no," David frowns.
"Can you use the dagger to take us to her?" Snow asks.
"I think so," Regina nods.
The three of them glance anxiously at Henry. No words need to be spoken for them to agree that whatever state they'll find his mother in, he should not be there to witness it.
"Henry," Regina approaches him gently, keeping her voice low and comforting. "We're gonna find Emma, okay? We'll be right back, just stay here."
Her son nods slowly and looks at her with raw and unfocused eyes. Finally, he lets her hug him.
Regina doesn't look like she wants to leave but Emma's parents insist. So, she commands the Dark One to take them to her.
They're carried to a place far too beautiful for the sad occasion. In the dimness of dusk, pink petals of a myriad of flowers appear to shine in the dark tall grass, almost like fallen stars. In the midst of all that beauty, they see a chilling vision.
A couple lies in the grass, hand in hand. From a distance it looks like they are sleeping. But the pirate's skin is too pale and his cheeks are sunken and their joined hands are covered in dried blood.
Emma stirs and slowly sits up, when they begin to approach her. There are dried tear tracks on her face and her eyes are red from crying, but the look in her eyes is blank. She puts Hook's head into her lap and gently caresses his face with her knuckles.
David gulps, but he can't tear his eyes away. Snow sobs and covers her face. Regina just stares.
"Emma..." David starts carefully.
She looks at them and pouts, pulling the pirate's lifeless body closer to her chest as if to protect him.
"What are you doing?" Regina asks wearily. There's sympathy in her eyes but not patience.
Emma's eyes land on the dagger in the Queen's hand, and she looks at her in a way that makes even Regina's blood freeze.
"Why did you do this?!" Emma hisses and they all flinch. She doesn't sound like herself at all. "I could have saved him."
"We came here to get rid of the Dark One's curse, not multiply it," Regina crosses her arms. "The whole point was to save you."
"I don't feel saved," Emma spits. "Don't you get it? No one saves the Savior. I just keep paying the price. The price of your curse. Your bullshit."
“This isn't my fault!" Regina argues. "I didn't even have to bother coming here!"
“Maybe you shouldn't have," Emma frowns. "I never should have given you that damn dagger!"
"Emma, please," Snow whispers softly. "Killian wouldn't want to become the Dark One. He spent a lifetime trying to destroy him."
"Come with us, Emma," David pleads. "You can't stay here like this. He's-"
The rest of the sentence dies on his lips. He can't bring himself to say it out loud.
Emma buries her face in Killian's hair and a quiet sob shakes her frame.
Regina pulls out the dagger again.
"Don't make me make you," she sighs.
Emma looks up slowly. Her eyes are sunken, raw and dangerous.
"Regina, stop," Snow interferes with a hint of guilt visible on her face.
"We won't force you to do anything, honey," she turns to her daughter. "But please, come with us."
“For Hook, Emma," David pleads. "You can honor him by destroying the Dark One. Once and for all."
"I am the Dark One," she rasps blankly.
"Don't be stupid, Emma. Are you planning to spend eternity here? Because I don’t think these flowers will drown out the smell," Regina lectures her, ignoring the flare of anger in Emma's eyes. "Finish what you started. Unite the blades and end this."
Emma swallows a broken sob and glances down at the man in her arms - the body in her arms.
There is something absolutely chilling about the way her face goes blank when she finally looks up. Her eyes are vacant and it looks like she's staring right through them.
No, she isn't looking at them at all. A chill creeps up their spines with a paranoid feeling that something sinister is standing right behind them, staring back into Emma's eyes.
"Alright," she says calmly, her voice raspy and hollow. "I will. Give me the dagger then."
All their eyes are drawn to the wavy blade. Regina hesitates and tightens her hold on the hilt.
Emma raises her eyebrows and somewhere between the lines it feels like a threat. All the while, she continues to run her blood-stained fingers through Killian's hair.
It may just be the dusk playing tricks on them, but they could swear her hair is a shade paler than it used to be and her skin sparkles ever so slightly. Her eyes are unfocused and her smirk is sharp.
"What?" she asks coldly. "Are you afraid of me?"
