@oldkingyounggod finished up her Honest Reflections AU, and let me tell y'all it's been absolutely wild for me to discover how much I have found I look forward to being emotionally bullied. Seeing this story meet it's close is as rough as the end of anything you want more of, but I've had a few sweet nothings whispered my way that suggest we haven't seen the end of the universe.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Title: Swim with the Sharks (Honest Reflections AU)
Ship: Declan/Jordan (Jordeclan)
Summary:
Declan Lynch had never worn a dress before in her life. Sure, she’d seen Aurora move about in them as if she were made for them, or they for her. It hadn’t even been in the realm of possibility for Declan, so she’d just tucked the observation away underneath all the layers of secrets and went about her business in raven-crested uniforms and suits. Walking into the fundraiser that night, she was glad she’d armed herself with antacids in the little clutch Helen Gansey helped her pick out to go with the dress.
She was terrified.
Notes/Warnings: This takes place after the Dreamer Trilogy and the current storyline of Honest Reflections, where everyone WILL make it out of the series alive sohelpme…
[Just a little trans lesbian Declan for my friends in the TRCBB, especially @inoctavo/Silyara. Thank you to everyone there for their support. <3]
The rest of the house was still asleep when Declan got out of the shower, so she tugged her robe tighter around herself and crept down the hall to the master bedroom. She hadn’t been in here since Niall’s death, a time when only a cursory sweep ensured nothing dangerous had been left behind. She closed the door behind her and leans against it until her racing heart eases. No one would look for her here; no one to catch her simply existing.
Aurora’s vanity sat half-bathed in the morning light, and Declan seated herself on the plush bench, trying to talk herself into looking at her reflection while her jaw clenched and released. Through her lashes, she saw pale skin and damp curls draped along her cheeks. She never liked her hair more than without gel in it, and yet Declan Lynch had a signature way of styling it just so it didn’t stand out. It was almost time for a trim, and she wanted to scream out loud. Instead, she reached for Aurora’s ivory-handled brush, idly pulling away strands of golden hair while she worked up the nerve to look at herself.
Instead, she brushed her hair while thinking about Jordan’s legs framing her hips, reliving the memory of fingertips on her skin. Common sense told her not to get attached to another dream, nothing about the life she wanted was sustainable. Declan wanted to throw common sense into a fire with all the grey suits she owned. She brushed and brushed until her hair was dry and hung in soft waves past her ears. Now she looked and smiled before she could feel self-conscious, imagining Jordan coming through it while they kissed. She really had gone too far, hadn’t she?
Declan swallowed down fear and reached for a perfume bottle, touching all the beveled and faceted edges of it before getting just a little on her fingers. She followed her memories of sitting on her parents’ bed and watching Aurora get ready, and touched just under her jaw on each side of her neck, pushed up her sleeve to leave a trace of Chantilly scent on the inside of her wrist. The motions made her feel pretty, delicate, and her pulse quickened with the rightness of it. Leaning in to stare more intently at her face, she liked the strong line of her jaw, her eyelashes. Stubbornly, she thought about not washing off the perfume, and what hair gel did she need while they were laying low? She closed her eyes and imagined a day spent in jeans and bare feet. She dove into a moment of Jordan looking at her and truly seeing, that moment when the real Declan was close enough to touch. When everything matched, when it felt different, better.
Exhaling softly, Declan rose from the vanity. When she brushed away the dampness on her cheeks, she knew. She couldn’t let this bravery leave her. All those times she’d wanted to be seen the way Ronan was seen. When he’d been taught to sing, she’d wanted to sing with him. While he was nothing but boldly, loudly himself, Declan had been all over the world in the deepest, darkest places. Niall’s arrogant laughter followed Declan, even from the grave, clashing with another memory of the fortune-teller, tattooed third eye seeming to see more of her than the woman’s real eyes had. This is my son, Declan, tangled with, You’re living a lie.
Declan was tired of lies. Maybe only today, just one day, there was one truth she wanted to live.
[I know it's been a couple of weeks, so I'm really excited to finally update! Life just got in the way, and I missed writing for this universe. Shout out to the usual crowd for all their support and patience! Thank you so much for reading!]
Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | AO3
~*~
Declan emerged from the bathroom more or less ready to face whatever waited for her downstairs. She stole a glance over to Ronan’s bedroom door, seeing it partially open with Adam’s duffel bag sitting at the end of the bed. He’d slept there last night, which Declan should have expected, but it still struck her as terribly lonely. She felt for him; the unknown and the waiting were terrible. Voices drifted up to her from the kitchen, along with the smell of coffee. It seemed most of the people in the house were already awake. Declan couldn’t find it in her to be guilty for sleeping in a little. Not when Jordan felt warm and solid and real against her this morning. She found herself wishing they were still tangled up in bed.
She took her time going down the stairs, listening to Ronan’s friends talk. At the bottom of the steps, she paused, instead sitting down. Most of their voices were familiar to her now. Gansey had spent quite a bit of time at the Barns before things took their turn, practically the unofficial fourth Lynch child. His voice fit into the corners and tucked itself up on shelves, a part of this home. Adam lived here with Ronan when he wasn’t in school, and Declan felt certain he also called it home. Blue and Henry were less familiar, but it made her realize how much she’d been held at arm’s length from the people who were important to Ronan. Half the time, it had been Ronan pushing her away, and the other half had been her withdrawing, choosing to be suspicious of anyone who got close from a good safe distance. The list of things she could have done differently began to pile up. She put her face into her hands and pushed her fingers into her hair.
Someone sat down next to her on the stair.
“Don’t let me interrupt,” Gansey said, when she snapped her head up. “I was going to bring this up to you.”
He held a mug of coffee, offering it out to her.
“Thanks.”
Declan took it from him, wrapping her hands around it, grateful, but also a little guilty. Caught like this, it would be easy to presume she’d been eavesdropping instead of building up the nerve to join in. He didn’t imply anything of the sort. They sat listening to Blue and Matthew discuss whether the eggs in the fridge were still good and whether scrambled or over easy was better. The coffee tasted good, very close to how she preferred it.
Gansey rubbed his palms on the tops of his cargo pants, swallowing. “So, would you still like me to call you Declan?”
She blinked, looking at him. He couldn’t quite meet her eyes, and she freed an arm to sling it around his shoulders. It seemed very Gansey that she hadn’t thought to change her name, but he’d considered she might have. “Yes,” she told him. “I like it.”
He smiled, reminding her of the first time he’d tasted Aurora’s cooking, the first time he’d stayed to watch a movie, the first time they’d all tussled in the grass. She squeezed him a little tighter, the gesture awkward and usually reserved for Matthew. He leaned into her such that she had to adjust her grip on the coffee mug.
“I’m glad I didn’t misread the situation. That would have been awfully embarrassing.”
“I can think of far more devastating scenarios, and I’m not sure what that says about me.”
“Just that everything is as it should be. Though I will say that you certainly took Parrish by surprise.”
When Declan looked at him again, he finally met her eyes, studying her. “Yes, well, I didn’t have much time to prepare anyone, least of all myself.”
Gansey nudged her with his elbow. “She’s good for you. Jordan, I mean. I’ve only known her for a day, but I’ve known you long enough to be my bro— sister.” He paused, laughing the kind of laugh that sneaks up on you. “Good God, you and Helen in the same room would be positively world-ending.”
“Sounds like a good reason to be in the same room with her.”
“Don’t think I mean to switch the topic, Declan Lynch. I daresay if it weren’t for this whole dreamer hunting business, I’d actually consider you in better spirits than I’ve seen you in a long time.”
“Seems pretty par for the course, as far as Ronan is concerned.” They quieted, Declan’s smile wavering as she washed down the worry for her brother with another swig of the coffee. “I’m glad you’re here, Gansey.”
“Me too.”
Declan thought they should get up. Even when her cup was empty, they still lingered just on the outside of everything going on in the kitchen. Someone brewed another pot of coffee. Something Jordan said made Matthew laugh. There was a bottled up feeling inside of all this, and every moment she spent at the Barns without Ronan shook up the contents of that bottle. She might burst.
“I’ve missed out on a lot.”
It wasn’t a question. Declan knew there was at least a year of things she’d removed herself from in an effort to balance all her secrets. But it haunted her sleepless nights far more than she liked to admit. Surely Ronan knew where Aurora had disappeared to, and he’d almost died a day after the mysterious auction Seondeok had warned her about. Gansey had been sick for a couple of weeks after that, with no illness she’d been able to name, both Adam and Ronan very tight-lipped about it around her. She’d walked a fine line between what she had to know versus what she had to lie about. Ever since Matthew had discovered he was a dream, Declan had started walking back through the world she’d crafted out of lies and secrets and wondered if any of it had been worth the effort. Looking at Gansey now, his face young and his eyes old, she felt her decisions eating holes in her.
Gansey regarded her without responding. She liked that he thought about how to answer, not that reassuring platitudes reflexively filled the uncomfortable space.
“You had your reasons.” Not an accusation, not an excuse. “Some of it is mine to tell, and a lot of it isn’t. The incredible thing about this is how tangled up in it everyone was..”
Gansey’s eyes unfocused, as if he were seeing something that she couldn’t, and Declan actually believed that was true. Looking at him invoked the way she’d always seen him, but something more lay behind it, like an afterimage or the negative from a photograph. Everything she’d tried to avoid had become everything she wanted to know.
“Even me?” she asked.
“Oh, I have no doubt even you.” He reached up, covering her hand on his shoulder with his own. “I’m grateful you trusted me with what you told me before you and Matthew left Henrietta.”
It hadn’t been much, Declan recalled, barely scratching the surface of what she was running from. It was as little as she could get away with telling Gansey without spilling all the secrets Niall had told her to keep. To have left without telling him anything at all seemed cruel. He was family too.
“I could tell you. My side of it,” he offered. “If you want.”
No hesitation. “Yes.” Would she tell him her side? From the first night Gansey had slept on Ronan’s floor while she kept vigil all night outside his door to the fraught time spent at the Fairy Market only days ago. Declan thought she wanted to.
Gansey smiled. “Have you been there yet? Lindenmere?”
Ronan’s forest. The one he’d dreamed, his place of power. Declan never got much out of him, those rare times they talked about his dreaming. But it was beloved to him. Looking at Gansey now, it meant something deep and vital to him too, and she had no idea why. It reminded her of his dissociated days back in April, where the trees could hold his attention better than any of his friends.
She shook her head. “I’d like to go.”
“Me too. I’ve longed for it since the day he made it. Perhaps, when it’s safe, he’ll take us there.” He lay his head against her. “Oh, Declan, we have a lot of catching up to do.”
-
Jordan greeted Declan at the kitchen doorway, a kiss and a whiff of her soap. Declan’s breath caught at the cheerful, “Hey, babe. Just in time.”
Matthew perched in his usual spot at the end of the counter, and Henry took the spot next to him, fiddling with something on his phone. Most of the attention, however, seemed to be on Adam. Something heavy and full of potential hung in the air, as if waiting for she and Gansey to step into it. Declan took a deep breath to steady herself.
“If we’re about to get mystical in the kitchen, I’d like to get another cup of coffee first.”
She made her way over to the pot and refilled the mug Gansey had brought her. She couldn’t say exactly how, but being in the room seemed less like her family home and more like the Fairy Market. She was surrounded not just by dreams, but by magic. They watched her as she doctored her coffee, and in the same breath, she felt both vulnerable and a part of this by association. Magic was such an abstract concept to her, too wispy and vague when she grew up witnessing the extraordinary and knew it as dreaming. As commonplace. As a commodity to be bought if you could afford the price tag. When she leaned against the counter near the fridge and looked at Adam sitting before a bowl full of dark liquid, magic became a solid term, shaped like her brother’s boyfriend.
Blue straddled a chair next to him, a little pink switchblade laying naked on the table. “I know the drill,” she said to Adam.
“Ten minutes,” he replied. “I’m not going to go looking for them. The last time I did this, the Lace spotted me immediately. I don’t want to put them in danger. I just want a feel for what we’re dealing with now.”
At the other side of him, his phone sat face up, dark. Just seeing it reminded Declan of Ronan’s frantic explanations before he and Hennessy had gone to dream. He would have ended up here regardless, but she didn’t regret going to get him instead of waiting to see how long it would take him to show up.
Gansey turned his wrist. “I’ll keep time.”
Adam rolled his shoulders. Declan didn’t think she was imagining his hesitation; he didn’t want to do this without Ronan. But he would do it for Ronan. He leaned forward and pushed the bowl into the sunlight coming through the kitchen window. It reflected brightly off the surface, the beams catching the steam still rising up from the bowl. He was about to scry into coffee. She glanced down at her own mug, then lifted it in salute before taking a drink. The potential she’d sensed practically smothered her now — Gansey, Adam and Blue making a half circle around this bowl and the light as if it were sacred. There was so much she didn’t know.
The world held its breath.
Adam, palms flat on the table, lowered his gaze to where the light reflected until Declan could see it in the washed out blue of his eyes. One moment he was there, focused and full of intent. The next he was gone. Declan shuddered so suddenly that Jordan took her arm. This was the in-between, like the fraught moments before Ronan woke up from his dreaming. It was the sick feeling in her stomach while she waited for whatever was on the other side to manifest. This was her hands hovering over his shoulders, ready to wake him up and terrified to do it. She wanted to do the same thing to Adam, take him and shake him until that vacant look disappeared, before something could come out of that bowl that would burn, cut, harm them.
Adam’s phone suddenly lit up. A single notification, then two, three, more. One after another, they flashed in.
LYNCH, LYNCH, LYNCH.
Adam didn’t move.
Everyone was watching the phone except for Gansey and Blue — Gansey watched the hands ticking away the time, Blue watched Adam’s face.
“Eight minutes,” Gansey whispered.
The last alert flashed on the screen, and Declan knew what it said without needing to see it from afar.
tamquam
Adam breathed again, dragging in a gasp as if he’d surfaced from under deep water.
Blue had her little knife in hand, but Declan didn’t recall seeing her pick it up. She watched Adam’s face, his forehead beading lightly with sweat, even though his hands were shaking. He clenched them into fists.
Gansey lightly touched his shoulder, doing so in a way that Adam could see the movement coming. “Parrish?”
Adam didn’t answer him at first, his gaze lingering on the still steaming bowl. Blue abandoned the knife to take his hand instead.
“Well,” he said, a tremble in his voice, “it’s still out there. But so are they. I just…I asked Lindenmere for that time back.” He looked over at his phone, and it lit up to remind him he had unread notifications. He pulled away from Blue so he could unlock it and read the texts he should have gotten from Ronan days ago.
“Hey,” Matthew said, breaking through the tension. “If I have some of that coffee, will I see the future?”
“I don’t think today’s the day I want to find out,” Declan told him, watching Adam’s face as he scrolled through his phone.
“It’s everything you said,” Adam murmured, looking up at Declan, his brow furrowed.
Everything about that smarted against her heart, but she really couldn’t blame him. Instead, she tried to feel satisfied that the truth had her back, for once. She didn’t think she could answer him without it sounding harsher than she wanted to be, so she just nodded and drank the rest of her coffee.
Adam took a deep breath, in through his nose and out through his teeth. It reminded her of Ronan.
He typed quickly, alter idem and locked the phone.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Title: What Makes it Home (Honest Reflections AU)
Ship: Declan/Jordan (Jordeclan)
Summary:
After the Dreamer manhunt is over, Declan returns to her once-destroyed townhouse with Jordan to see what can be built into a new life.
Notes/Warnings: This takes place after the Dreamer Trilogy and the current storyline of Honest Reflections, where everyone WILL make it out of the series alive sohelpme…
Declan's first day back at Senator Rankin's office is also her first day out at the office. Helen Gansey checks in to make sure that it wasn't a complete disaster.
Notes/Warnings: This takes place after the Dreamer Trilogy and the current storyline of Honest Reflections, where everyone WILL make it out of the series alive sohelpme…
