#hr au

[tinylilhollander]

I know that Heated Rivalry is one of those pieces of media where COVID never happens but what if it did? Imagine the lockdown shenanigans.

Shane and Ilya are obviously hunkering down at the cottage together. There's no hockey, but they don't know for how long, so they're still training all the time. They're doing interviews and having to make it look like they're in completely different places. Ilya has to keep being reminded that he's supposed to still be back in Ottawa.

Ilya's teammates keep asking if they can be in a lockdown bubble together and he's gotta be like "No, can't do that. I'm not taking any chances." But now they're worried because he hasn't seen or been around another human being in months and they've noticed that even before lockdown he made more jokes about killing himself than the average person, so they're stressed to their eyeballs about his mental health.

Meanwhile Ilya's living the kind of domestic fantasy with his man that he didn't think they were going to get until retirement. For the first time ever most days he can truly pretend that he and Shane are the only people in the world. Sometimes David and Yuna come over for dinner because they are also isolating at their cottage. But most of the time it's just endless hours of just the two of them and neither of them could be happier. Their biggest decision every day is when and where to fuck. Some people are getting into sourdough – Shane and Ilya have committed to learning one new sexual position every day.

I just think that lockdown would have been the ideal codependent situation for Hollanov.

[zonttalktome]

AU where Shane and Ilya's outing blows up all of his sponsors and he no longer has to pretend to be a perfect role model. Overnight his perfect veneer is blown up and all of the organizations that were looking to him to be a role model basically sever ties (and the Ilya Rozanov of it all is actually the main reason...Scott Hunter remained just as Catholic and just as white after he came out)

Without the strange neutered sex symbol vibe that he had going before (or the born sexy yesterday vibe) Shane is finally free.

Shane only pulls his punches in the context of his NHL contract. His interviews in his personal capacity are scathing, direct, and scandalous. To be clear Shane is still respectful but it is very much an eye for and eye kind of situation.

Shane is at the club with Ilya, grinding and singing along to the club hits. Shane is getting tipsy and telling people to fuck off when they try to talk to Ilya. Shane is wearing see through shirts and necklaces, he is flipping people off, he is getting bottle girls/boys for the VIP table.

Shane does the Wonderland shoot, he goes on the Canceled podcast, he shows up to Andy Cohen's show, he and Ilya are doing the internet interview circuit and being unapologetically "grown men".

Twitter and Tabloids and Hockey shows all go from discussing the strangeness of the pairing, then how Ilya has corrupted Shane's demeanor and then finally arrive at the conclusion that Shane has always been like this. (This is only after the revelation that Shane and Ilya have been a thing the whole damn time)

Yuna and Farah are pleasantly surprised that after the initial scorched earth media approach, Shane and Ilya actually start getting sponsors once more. BVLRGARI and Ferrari are in Yuna's inbox, hoping to monetize on the hype and Hollanov's authenticity.

The Hollanov vibe is pretty much as messy as a happily married couple can be without being trashy.

[yearningendlessly]

y'all will turn shane into anything, what's next? he's somehow a well adjusted hockey player?

[hothockey]

there can never be a casual winner's room au for shane hollander bc HE could not be casual abt it.

which is sorta a shame bc you'd like to have this quick porn premise. but what you end up with is the irrefutable, unmalleable knowledge that sure, holly has a saw trap in his head normally in canon. but ohhHOhooooo.......the kind of Shawtrap (shane saw trap) that would exist for a shane under the heel of league sanctioned fucking as a consequence for being a LOSER in his special interest sport, in an arena back room, to prove his toxic HETERO masculinity to other toxic men, where he cannot ever let on HOW MUCH he needs and wants a cock in his ass, and he gets tapped ALL THE TIME to forfeit or to accept forfeit? well.....that Shawtrap is diabolical....

that man is Haunted and Harrowed and Close To The Edge Every Hour of Every Day. noxious with fear. delirious with regular anal satisfaction. horrified by his own homo at a level never before seen bc these other men take it up the ass and down the throat badly and just roll their eyes and complain and go home to their pregnant wives, but holly......holly is good at it. holly's body likes the winner's room and that means he is losing even at being the LOSER. pressure cooker inside those bones that is gonna implode much more disastrously than canon, i'll tell u that. and him and ilya are still fucking outside of the room too, i'll tell you that as well. and it's gonna get messsssyyyyyyy :}

[omens-of-what-is-to-cum]

BEHOLD: ITS MONTREAL JANE [insert Svetlana Vetrova]

AU where the entire internet is absolutely OBSESSED with Ilya and Svetlana’s relationship, despite both of the taking great joy in being as mysterious as physically possible. The lighting in a bottle combination of the one half of the insane Hollander/Rozanov rivalry, an insanely skilled, sexy, Russian playboy with the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen - but that’s the only thing anyone knows about either of them.

(picture this happening pre tunameltdown but post Vegas, Shane and Ilya are regular hookups and pining but there’s no serious relationship developed yet)

To the internet, Svetlana is a frequent presence in the background of the Bears’ instagram posts. She’s rarely spotted at games, but when she is, it’s always is the VIP section and decked out for the met gala. And she’s ALWAYS there with Rozanov.

She’s somehow cuntier than him. She’s seen looking like a disco ball under club lights, dancing with Ilya on top of a table with an ease and familiarity that is clearly practiced. Someone recorded her schooling him about hockey at 3am in a raging Boston club, sounding like she was presenting a masters dissertation to a first grader. In the background of insta stories taken at his house, you can see pictures of the two of them on Ilya’s walls, often partying, often with other mysterious people, often younger then the internet has ever seen him.

BUT no one fucking knows who she is!!! There’s no name, there’s no socials, and there’s no interviews.

The speculation about this mysterious women exists as a slowly expanding subsection of Ilya’s fandom for yearssssss…. Until it reaches the attention of the Bears.

and they’re like

Beautiful woman

Clearly close to Roz

They dance like they’ve FUCKED

We know NOTHING about her

Roz is very protective when anyone comes onto her

…..

HOLY SHIT IT’S JANE

So the bears collectively LOSE it because the existence of Montreal Jane, the cryptid that’s pussywhipped their manwhore of a captain has been LEGEND amongst the team since 2010.

The existence of Montreal Jane was also leaked to the public several years ago, one of the bears mentioning a girl named Jane that’s “had Roz whipped and blushing since 2010” and absolutely nooooo one believed it.

“Jane” actually became something of a meme all over hockey twt, ‘Rozys’ Jane’ becoming shorthand for something that absolutely, catagorically, Does Not Exist.

So when the bears finally figure it out… that the beautiful woman always seen with Ilya MUST be Jane, they’re of course absolutely incapable of not leaking it immediately.

and said leak, maybe an instagram post with a few collected pap pics of Ilya and Svetlana with the caption “behold: Montreal Jane” breaches containment in UNPRECEDENTED ways.

everyone is OBSESSEDD with finding out everything about this woman, and then everything about Ilya’s relationship with this woman.

And of course, being the absolute fucking queen she is, Svetlana thinks it’s the funniest shit that has ever happened.

Her and Ilya obviously decide to play it up, never confirming that she's Jane of course. They leave it up to plausible deniability, both delighted and frustrated that even though they’re never caught doing anything non-platonic, the internet INSISTS they’re in love. it then spirals from there as both Svetlana and Ilya become like, FAMOUS famous and their best friend behaviours just fuckinf baffle the internet (and torture a certain repressed Canadian, who of course has Absolutely Zero feelings about this whole scenario)

Idk where to go from here, maybe I’ll update later, but I’m just imagining the most incredible smau shenanigans and the most delicious angst from Hollanov while this is happening.

I just want more of Svetlana period, but I also want more of her and Ilya being absolute soulmate-level best friends. They have been there for each other through every single event of their lives, and (because Sveta is bi in MY canon) they’re the only people who really understand the specific suffocation of the Russian closet.

PLEASE if anyone wants to write this fic I would so ANYTHINGG😭🙏🙏 (except write it, I’m too lazy lmao)

[sheheatedonmyrivalry]

shane and ilya long haul truck drivers who only see each other every so often when their paths cross at a truck stop and they fuck nasty in the back of their cabs or in the truck stop showers in the middle of the night. Sometimes if they're lucky they can get a motel room for a couple hours.

[aceotrope]

( Day 7 of @hollanovaweek . Prompt: Alternate Universe )

mainly inspired by @lunarsols ' fic madonna-whore complex which you should ABSOLUTELY read!!

ao3 link of this drawing over here. And a few sob words under the cut.

Thanks a lot for all the support, likes, reblogs and interactions! I poured a lot of time and love into all these pieces and i hope it showed. I have a couple of drawings that I may or may not post as 'extra' submissions for the week, or maybe I leave them for a regular post. Regardless of that, it means a lot to me that a lot of people looked at my silly drawings and took their time to reblog, leave comments or even just liking them. I hope my drawings made your day slightly better via ogling at the main characters from the gay hockey show as lesbians and that you're ready for more art coming your way because I'm hyperfixated and with free time sooo yeahh, see you around!

[omgshesblowinbubbles]

You give me Broke! collegestudent! Shane! X Rich guy! Ilya! Au I raise you Shane doesn’t think he cares that Ilya has all this money and it actually bothers him a little bit because Hayden is always commenting on how he “shouldn’t get used to all these nice things that come with Ilya”, like the not having to take the bus anymore because he gets dropped off in his boyfriends Porsche every morning, and that casually all his school supplies are now bound in leather or have platinum engraving, Hayden says he shouldn’t get used to it because rich guys like Ilya always end up throwing away their playthings when they get bored which is bound to happen soon. Shane says he doesn’t care about any of that stuff he just likes Ilya, which is true but let’s say he finds out that Ilya is into some shady stuff and decides to break it off with him, it’s 4 hours into the breakup when Shane’s putting on his old clothes because he didn’t feel right wearing anything Ilya had bought him when they’re no longer together, when Shane realizes that they feel like steel wool against his skin compared to the cashmere sweats he hasn’t stepped out of since they started dating. It’s 9 hours into the breakup when Shane realizes he can’t sleep without Ilya’s 10 million thread count Egyptian cotton sheets, or with the normal noises that come with sleeping in a apartment building or anywhere that’s not a private mansion. It’s 18 hours into the break up when Shane realizes that he hates the way non European imported coffee tastes, it’s 28 hours into the breakup when Shane realizes that he’s craving a espresso martini mid-fucking-day with those freshly baked low carb protein macrons that Ilya’s private chef makes him every afternoon, it’s 34 hours into the breakup when Shane is running off of no sleep, one half cup of that gross coffee from the campus cafe, and no food because everything else sounded gross compared to Iris’s (private chef) food. When he sees Ilya sitting outside of his apartment before he even gets ask Ilya what he’s doing here he’s cut off by Ilya standing up and rambling “I know you’re upset with me and you have every right to be malysh, but please listen to me, you are the most important thing in my life and I don’t want to do this without you, I will do whatever it takes! I will sell everything and get out of the business, whatever you want. Just please take me ba- he cuts Ilya off by launching himself into his arms. You better not! He yells amusingly, smiling at Ilya’s confused expression. I am so confused my Shane I thought…? he says. Do you know I’ve realized I can’t sleep without the comfort of your house? Your expensive ass sheets and noise machine? Normal coffee and food tastes terrible now, and my old clothes feel like sandpaper. You have ruined me for anyone else Ilya Rozanov! Shane accuses still smiling, Ilya can’t help but smile back. But what I’m getting at is don’t you dare think about getting out of the “business” Shane said using finger quotes. Because you have created a monster who now needs cashmere boxers, so you’ll need a way to keep that black card I’m afraid, said Shane. so you will take me back moya lyubov? Ilya asks wrapping his arms around Shane. I don’t think I ever really left. Shane said melting into Ilya’s embrace.

No ai my mistakes are my own!