coming back to the dorms was, somehow, also like coming home. i hadn't expected it to feel this welcoming this fast. someone swiped me in and held the door because i was laden down with probably my own weight in baggage - sewing machine included. (olivia wanted to brush up on her skills.)
we're all just bringing... stuff. shoudi had his typewriter in the lounge, we were all typing random sentences on it throughout the night. i toted in my giant bag of knitting and crocheting, and brushed up on the latter with some help from jaimie. i'd forgot a few things. the lounge was full of people, doing homework, sitting, talking. it was friendly. it was warm.
dave made tea, i had a cup, i started crocheting a dragon and agreed to knit him some socks. went on the swings with nikki - and tea.
having peaceful conversations on the swings at night with a cup of orange tea is a great way to spend the evening.
we went back in and i went to return dave's cup. megan and amanda and ben were there and apparently she was gearing herself to go break up with her boyfriend; there were hugs all around and we waited the rest of the night for her to come back. in the meanwhile we chatted about ukelele music, other people wandered in, someone played "i'm yours" with the lyrics adjusted to pertain to pubic lice, the usual.
when megan came in i gave her the finished dragon, although it had originally been slated for ben. i hope she feels alright. dave was telling her about how his last relationship had busted, because he realized he had been with her out of pity - bad background and such - and i couldn't not jump in with a hey, me too! megan said, see, it's because we're too nice. i agree, on the one hand, because only someone pretty selfless would be moved to such lengths by someone else's less fortunate situation, but on the other hand i feel like trying to take on so much responsibility for someone, becoming their escape, as dave put it, was the most unintentionally cruel thing i've ever done. it doesn't do them any favors, and it's certainly no good for you.
also, today i watched a primetime documentary about transgendered people that my dad recorded and wanted to see with me. that should probably be its own post, but i need to cut this short because i should be going to bed. i was on the defensive because i was afraid of some sort of comparison - there's no one way to be trans, and i didn't fancy having someone making a mental checklist of where i "met" the documentary's criteria or something. i'm a lot less insecure now, though. i don't give a fuck if i fit someone's textbook case of "the" transgendered child; i don't care if anyone else believes me so long as i know who i am - which i do - so fuck them.
of course the constant pronoun abuse - the referring to someone before they transitioned as "when she was a he" etc - the speaking of someone's surgery as "taking the steps to really become fully female" - the asshat who said hrt would "brainwash" people into fully transitioning when they otherwise would not feel the need to, as though shooting a cisguy up with estrogen would make him think he was really a woman - there were a lot of irritating moments. and by irritating i mean i clenched my jaw so hard it hurt.
but the families in the documentary made up for what the director greviously lacked, and it made an overall positive image which i think my parents saw. one common experience that each story in the documentary touched on was the way people came into their own. parents were afraid of discrimination, but the kids had more of a social life, were more outgoing, happier, spent more time with friends than before transitioning. i think - i hope - my parents drew a parallel. because this is the most genuinely exuberant and socially confident i've ever been. i've met more friends now than i ever have. i know exactly who i am and of at least a few definite directions where i'm going.