ATTENTION TRANS FRIENDS IN THE UNITED STATES IN NEED OF GENDER AFFIRMING SURGERY!!!
my friend @nevinekara shared a list with me of therapists and doctors who write gender affirming letters for trans patients. i live in New York and this list helped me tremendously. there are resources for each state!!! please share with anyone who is in need, my journey wouldn’t have been possible without this list.
I understand that you're confused and even upset. But this is who I am....I know it's a lot to take in right now and that you think I'm confused or faking, but I promise you I'm not. This is how I want my life to be. This transition is who I am. I know you're scared...I am too. But if we work together, we can figure this out. I only need your love and support to get me through this. That is all I ask for. You tease me insistently though....and so I have lead myself to the conclusion that I have to do it on my own. I want you in my life, but at the moment all you do is hurt me. Please....let this go,before you lose your daughter and your son.
Everything I've ever read about coming out to your parents to let them know that you're trans has said that it's best to tell them in a letter. that way they cant interrupt you, they have a chance to read through it and process everything before confronting you, if they even confront you.
So I wrote one for my mom...I mean, I don't plan on sending it to her until I've left the state, but at least I wrote one
(July 10th, 2014)
Mom,
I know what you're thinking. "Why am I getting a letter from my kid? Don't they know they can just message me on facebook, or call, or something?"
Well, I would have done those, but this gives me that slim chance of hope that maybe it'll get lost in the mail system, or maybe you'll throw it away without reading because you think it's Junk mail.
But I mean, obviously that didn't pan out if you're reading this right now.
I wanted to explain this, for you, but also for myself because I know if it took me 17 years to come to terms with it, it could take you even longer.
so, around age.....12 ish? I started feeling off about who I was. I mean, I was still me, but I wasn't the same me I knew.
I started to feel bad being in my body, like I was some strange thing that shouldn't be there. It wasn't fun.
I started to go online and pretend I was someone else, I was Alex, I was a guy.......but you already knew about that.
I tried hiding that from you because i thought it was weird. Why was I this normal girl pretending to be a boy online? thats weird? its not right. but It felt...really right... I was talking to people I was way more sociable, I had friends. I actually even dated a few people under that persona. I was feeling good, but then I started to feel like a liar. Everything I told them about me was true, except I wasn't a guy, I was a girl.
a few years passed and I just kinda shoved that behind me. I still pretended to be a guy online from time to time. and It still felt right. it felt better than what I really was. this was around age 13 and 14...
Around age 15 16 ish we had Gender Bender day for Spirit week. I spent a week binding my chest to make sure I was doing it right and that I would be able to make it the whole day with my chest done up without needing to take it off. I walked around the house in ace bandage, feeling good. I didn't have to look at my chest, and surprisingly it felt right, I felt like that was how I really wanted to look.
You told me that week "If I wanted another son, I would have had one." I told you "actually no because Genetics is determined by the father."
You probably don't remember any of that stuff. but I do. It's been a good 3 years since that happened and I still remember all of that.
I felt crushed, because I felt right having my chest gone, and you completely rejected me about it.
I dropped it after that. It wasn't right. who did i think i was? trying to pass off as something I'm not. i laughed it off, despite how crushed I felt hearing what you had to say on the matter. I put it behind me.
It was around that time too that you found out I wasn't straight, Id known I wasn't straight for a while, even if I didn't come to terms with it until like, 10th grade. But it was always there.
awhile ago I started to do some research on definitions for the LGBTQ community because I kept seeing certain terms online and was trying to explain other terms to my friend.
That's when i found out there was a term for someone like me. someone who feels wrong in the body they have, someone who feels like this gender isn't what they were supposed to have. someone who's mind says one gender but there body says another (and before you try to tell me that's not something that can happen trust me it's something that can happen)
that word was Transgender.
now I know what you're thinking
"no way. there's no way that my precious baby girl is a boy. that's not possible that's now what I gave birth to. blah blah blah blah"
well, trust me I know what you mean I didn't wanna believe it either.
I started dressing like a guy, because I felt more comfortable in those kinds of clothes, and I got shorter hair cuts because lets face it, I felt better when I presented myself as a guy.
everyone just thought I was trying to look like a dyke.
I've done a lot of research since then, and I can most definitely say that this is what I am. I am a transgender male, and while I know that's a lot to deal with I want you to know that I don't expect you to come to terms with this easily, I know I didn't.
I've done my research on all the opperations, both Top and Bottom.
Top surgery is something I hope to get in the near future a long with starting testosterone. I'm fine with waiting on bottom surgery due to the fact I don't experience as much dysphoria with me bottom region as I do my chest. who know's though, that could change.
I know this is a lot to take in, especially in a letter. but I just wan't you to know that I still love you mom. (Even if you decide you want nothing to do with me)
Thanks for calling me bro and using male pronouns even though I'm obviously not passing. Also you play basketball really well and I really enjoyed playing with somebody who obviously didn't give a single care what I called myself.
Bud, I've known you a long time. You were one of the first people I came out to and I thought you handled it well. You even got really excited with me when I came out with my other friends. You protected me when there were assholes nearby. But now you are the asshole. Watching you rant about how trans people are part of the "LOST generation" and how it's important to enforce gender roles. It hurt. I'm lost now. I feel really betrayed. One of the first people I go to when something terrible happens and I just need to talk is gone. It kills me that I have to stop talking to you, but I will for my own safety.
