Letters From a Trans Person

In this blog I, as a trans person address people I encounter every day in my life. Some of them are thank you letters, to people who have made my existence easier or more pleasant. Some of them are rage letters, aimed at people who's ignorance frustrates me. All names changed to protect identities.

[asmr-rainbow]

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[trans-letters]

       Random guy that played basketball with me today-

Thanks for calling me bro and using male pronouns even though I'm obviously not passing. Also you play basketball really well and I really enjoyed playing with somebody who obviously didn't give a single care what I called myself.

[trans-letters]

     Buddy-

Bud, I've known you a long time. You were one of the first people I came out to and I thought you handled it well. You even got really excited with me when I came out with my other friends. You protected me when there were assholes nearby. But now you are the asshole. Watching you rant about how trans people are part of the "LOST generation" and how it's important to enforce gender roles. It hurt. I'm lost now. I feel really betrayed. One of the first people I go to when something terrible happens and I just need to talk is gone. It kills me that I have to stop talking to you, but I will for my own safety.

[trans-letters]

J-Dawg I’ve been at [School Name} for a long time. I’ve had you as a teacher and I’ve learned that in addition to being an amazing teacher with a great sense of humour, you’re also a super caring person. In light of that fact I’m going to tell you a story. When I was three I cut all my hair off. I was a cute little girl with gorgeous blonde hair. Everybody in my life was upset that I’d cut it off. I cut it off because I hated being a girl. When I was four I stole my cousin’s TEVA sandals because they were boyish and I thought they looked awesome. When I was seven, I had a best friend who wanted to trade places with me. I’d teach him how to do his nails and he’d teach me how to put his hotwheels track together. We had a sleepover once and I remember waking up at five because he was crying about how he hated being a boy and I started crying because I hated being a girl. We promised we’d trade bodies if we ever figured out how. When I was eleven I promised to kill myself when my doctor told me I was starting puberty and soon I was going to become “a lovely young lady.” I was diagnosed with depression and put on medication. When I was thirteen I discovered chest binding. It worked for a while, especially under the gender neutral uniform of the [school name] middle school. When I started high school, the binder got tighter as my chest got bigger. I broke three ribs and was told never to do it again. My sophomore year I stayed unhappy. I cried a lot because I didn’t fit in. My junior year I found a label. That label is transgender. I’ve embraced it proudly ever since. Sometimes too proud. I came out to my swim club first. I got beat up in the locker room later that day. I got my fingers jumped on and head shoved down toilets. I was in the hospital for a week. It effectively scared me back into the closet. This year I’ve started coming out again. My parents don’t understand but I have friends that do. They all call me my prefered name and use the right pronouns. I have a partner that would go to the ends of the world for me and life is finally starting to be good. While I am just starting to be happy, I am not brave and there are plenty of other transgender people out there who have nobody. I know how that feels and that’s why I’m writing this right now. Next week (November 11-18) is Transgender Awareness week. I need you to use your courage to give me the voice I’m too scared to give myself and help make [school name] a little less transphobic and a little more diverse.