Every time someone tells me my kes is the reason I don’t pass I get filled with an ancestral rage

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Every time someone tells me my kes is the reason I don’t pass I get filled with an ancestral rage
Hello and Sat Sri Akal! One may know I’m bi and genderqueer and also Sikh. This one is for other queer Sikhs: I made a discord! As you may know, sangat is very important to Sikhi, and sometimes it’s hard to build that connection to sangat when you’re queer, so I decided to build my own! If you’d like to be a part of our community, here’s the link!
Check out the Queer Sikhs community on Discord - hang out with 7 other members and enjoy free voice and text chat.
Me being pangender is so holy actually. Waheguru is described as mother and father, as being transcendent and all encompassing. Waheguru is All, and I am All. Waheguru lives in all of us and this is their way of living within me.
Not even to mention that me rejecting the gender given to my body is disconnecting from the material plane and connecting with my soul that is given by Waheguru themself.
It’s so hard being trans and a poc because of all the rampant racism within the community and especially eurocentric passing standards. How am I supposed to feel euphoric about my masculine features when I know the only reason they’re viewed as masculine is because afabs of colour are considered less of women. We grow more hair and have bigger noses and darker skin while Feminine Girls have no body hair and button noses and fair skin.
And on the flip side I’m constantly being told my long hair clocks me, when it’s a part of my culture and religion that I love showing off. Especially ironic when the philosophy behind why I don’t cut my hair led me to coming to terms with my gender.
I don’t know how to deal with my euphoria and dysphoria while knowing they both come from a place of racism and eurocentrism.