The problem with the John Mulaney situation (aside from the incredibly obvious) isn’t that people formed parasocial relationships with him. Parasocial relationships are entirely neutral in themselves. They’re simply the non-reciprocal relationship between a public figure and their audience. My previous stance that John was alright but not that interesting? That’s a parasocial relationship. Parasocial relationships are inevitable.
What isn’t inevitable is hero worship. What isn’t inevitable is making an idol of a comedian. What isn’t inevitable is seeing a comedian who didn’t seem hopelessly bigoted and deciding that they’re (nearly) perfect.
That’s not to say that anybody was necessarily wrong to fall for John’s good-guy persona. Contrary to what some people might tell you, being constantly vigilant that your fave could turn out to be a monster is not healthy. You are allowed to believe, based on the evidence available to you, that someone’s of good character.
(I’d like to draw attention back to what I said earlier: I was never invested in John. I have no idea if there were red flags in his standup. I’m speaking generally.)
What’s important is not to put people up on a pedestal. Do be critical of the performers you enjoy. Don’t worship your heroes.
Feel the pain that comes with parasocial disappointment, especially when that disappointment involves harming marginalized communities. (Those feelings are normal.)
Just… don’t pin everything you’re feeling on a neutral phenomenon. Pin it where it actually belongs, wherever that might be.
