Sorry if you have shared this in the past, but what inspired you to write Take my Darkness, Free my Light?
That story has taken over my Mondays, and I would love to know where the mafia idea came from!
Oh my gosh, hi anon!! Thank you so much for this ask. I've been really wanting to talk about my inspo for a minute, so thank you for giving me the excuse to! That being said, apologies for the long ramble ahead! 😁😭
So the idea was initially conceived back in May of 2025. Miami Gardens holds an F1 race down there each year, and the coaches and players of the Dolphins usually always go, so Mike was there of course. He was wearing this brown suede suit with matching shoes and these ostentatious sunglasses. Tua was at his side, and they were walking around surrounded by all these huge NFL players -- offensive and defensive linemen mostly. (See below.)
A mutual of mine, @ohymnia, posted a picture of this in a Discord server I was in, and we all started fangirling about it. I said I needed more of Mike being guarded by bigger men in my life, and mutual said, "that's our little mafia boss."
From there, what happened in my brain can only be described as one of those little wind-up monkey toys violently clapping its cymbals together and screeching off the walls. We started talking about what Mike would be like as a Mafia Boss, and I immediately had the idea of there being this ruthless underground crime lord in town, but no one can figure out who it is because no one suspects this cute little dorky himbo accountant of being the biggest crime lord in the city.
And then I was like, wait... what if the entire Shanahan/McVay tree was just a giant interconnected web of crime lords?
The idea evolved from there.
Coincidentally around this time, I was reading a few BL manwha, all of which contributed to my inspiration for this fic and all of which I recommend checking out, if your're into that.
The first one was "Dangerous Convenience Store," which is about a struggling college student/convenience store worker who works the night shift and meets a high-ranking gangster of a local company/pseudo-mob group. (Inspo's pretty clear there lol.)
Next was "Love for Sale," which is again about a struggling college student who meets a wealthy, older executive, who attempts to shower him with monetary gifts and gestures as a way of expressing his love, even though, due to unresolved trauma, MC has trouble accepting this. (Again, inspo's pretty clear. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this one! Please read it!)
Last was "Punch Drunk Love," which is about an extremely adorable, neurotic, and freaked-out accountant who attempts to seduce one of the HR guys at his company and notably doesn't give a flying fuck what the corporate world thinks of him. (Inspo's less obvious, but I still feel like I picked up a couple things, particularly concerning the contrarian way Mike dresses.)
Around this time I also read "The Why is Everything" by Mike Silver, which chronicles in depth the backgrounds and escapades of all the key members of the Shanahan/McVay tree. (Excellent read! Highly recommend!) This really inspired me when it came to Mike and Kyle's dynamic as well as their dynamics with Sean and Matt (which I won't say too much about here because of spoilers lol.)
Basically, all of these concepts just began mixing together in my mind and made the monkey cymbals crash harder.
Tua's story has also always been a major inspiration for me as well. His life has been so interesting, and his family dynamic is... tough. For those unaware, the aspect of him being raised to play QB specifically to redeem his ancestral family name is very real. He grew up under a ton of pressure practically from birth and was even physically punished if he didn't play well as a child. I think it's interesting to consider how all those intense dynamics, toxic expectations, and, well... abuse have affected him. I guess he seems... relatively well-adjusted now, but I always wanted to write a story about what would have happened to him if he'd failed to fulfill that purpose.
Athletes are already dehumanized and conditioned to have these extremely unhealthy mindsets where their worth is completely tied to the game, and for Tua, that's before being solely responsible for his entire family's ancestral redemption through football. What might have happened to him if that hip injury had been career-ending instead of just career-threatening? How would his family react? How would he respond psychologically? How do you deal with your entire life's purpose and identity from the day you were born crumbling out from underneath you in a flash?
As someone who loves to write angst and in depth character studies, this was something I was super interested in exploring. So basically I just set the Tua whumpage setting to max and started shooting!
...oof, too soon?
Anyways, that was all the major inital inspiration. The plot came to me from there, and the story coninued to inspire me along the way! Scenes like the alley were some of the first I wrote, and I had most of the major beats of the story preplanned. From there I sort of worked on it in parts, and I like to think I've really taken all of these disparate concepts and made them into my own story with something to say. Again, there's still like 100k words left, so you guys still don't know the full scope of the plot quite yet, but I'm excited to get into what's to come with you guys!
Anyway, basically Mike wore a suit once, I went feral, and here we are! I hope that answered your question, anon! Thank you so much for asking! Getting to ramble about this made my day! If any other readers ever have any other questions about the story, please feel free to ask! 😁💙