She looked almost the same as she did on a normal bad day. When she couldn’t move much. Had to stay in bed much of the day and was only capable to get up in the late afternoon. Her skin was a shade more pale and she just.. there was something missing. She just didn't quite look like herself anymore. She was just...she…
Gust stared at her body and couldn’t think.
He was just..staring.
He didn’t really feel anything. He just looked at her face. Twenty-six years old. Twenty six. It had been her birthday less than two weeks ago. They had held a small party for her at the house. Ginger hadn’t felt too well that day and they had almost canceled the whole thing but she had insisted and now she was...she was…
He shook his head, unbelieving. Panic started rising within him, images rushing through his head. Remembering when she was born. When Pah had explained to him that mother hadn’t… that she was…
He remembered running out then, he remembered screaming and yelling at his newborn sister. He remembered Pah crying, dragging him away, begging him to stop, that it wasn’t her fault…
And for years and years he’d been so…
Tears rolled from his eyes and he turned away to get out.
He couldn’t handle this, he just couldn’t-
“Gust-”
He stopped for a moment, unable to turn around, unwilling to let them see him cry.
Pah put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s not your fault. It’s… you were a good brother to her.”
He heard the deep, fresh pain in his fathers voice and it just made him more angry. He swallowed his tears to make his voice normal. “No. I wasn’t. I gotta go, Pah. I.. I have to go. I’m sorry.”
He walked out of the house calmly then started running. He ran down the stairs to peach plaza and out of the city, away from the people away-
His throat was burning. He didn’t want to go home yet, he couldn’t go home he just-
A desperate urge to scream broiled within him. How childish! How stupid! He couldn’t stop thinking about, he couldn’t stop-
He’d been such a shitty brother.
She’d been a kid. Just a kid and he had blamed her. Had been cold to her. Told her to her face that she had killed his mother. What a fucking shithead he’d been. The worst. Despicable. Horrible. And still she’d…
She’d…
He reached the beach.
They had sat here many times. Often he had painted or had told her things about Atara and other cities he’d been to. She had loved to hear about faraway places. He had always hoped she might improve eventually, that she could maybe, one day, actually see one of those faraway places herself but he had known it was foolish, he’d known she wasn’t...wouldn’t…
Full story at: https://archiveofourown.org/works/38463517
So some of you might know that i’d been pouring a lot of time into Finding Life whenever I felt I could write recently.
Yet no new chapter in forever, right?
Yeah. About that..
Technically I have written A LOT. But. Since we are coming up with The Big One soon, I want everything to fit with a specific chapter I have already completely written over a year ago. So I will continue writing and writing until I reach there and then, eventually, you’ll probably get like a bulk upload of 3-5 chapters. Who knows. But yeah, this is the state of the podcast Union Fanfic.
Feel free to send me asks about any of that stuff though. Getting asks about my stories in any way is always a huge motivational boost cause it makes it feel less like i’m talking to a void. Prompts/requests for more headcanons are also cool.
He slowly opened the door and froze.
Elliott was sitting on the ground with his eyes closed, leaned back against the bed. In his arms lay their son. Their third child.
Tears started rolling out of Roberts eyes. He pressed a hand to his mouth.
His husband sat there on the floor, rested against the small bed. With the child that had never met him. The child Robert had birthed after its other parent had died. The child Robert had cried over for this very fact. That Elliott would never get to hold him. That this child would never get to know him. And now they were… They just…
Robert sobbed quietly. His legs were buckling again. Yes, Elliott had held Finnegan before but Robert hadn’t… he hadn’t allowed himself to look at it for what it was. Hadn’t been ready to look at this miracle for the inherent, incredible beauty it contained.
Elliott looked so peaceful and it really was him. He looked like himself in every way. Robert couldn’t stop looking at his face, so peaceful and serene and clearly alive, even in sleep. He was moving slightly, breathing quietly but visible. His arms held their son securely. Finnegan looked peaceful and...at home. It was a picture so right and natural and shattering in its beauty, it tore him apart.
Robert quietly closed the door behind him. He still stared at them. Couldn’t stop staring at them. This moment felt so precious. It could turn into any kind of bad situations right now. Finn could be startled by being woken suddenly. Elliott might be mad at him once he woke up. But right now, Robert was allowed to just look at them and-
Elliott opened his emerald green eyes suddenly, looking straight at him and Roberts heart was pierced.
Full chapter at: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37490239/chapters/94449040
Since they all had had a really unhealthy breakfast and Robert was convinced his children hadn’t eaten a healthy lunch, whatever it had been, he’d made a broocoli-casserole with whole-grains spelt pasta and a huge bowl of salad.
None of his kids seemed all that hungry. Ayleen slowly ate her portion while her gaze seemed far away.
Ephraim was staring into his plate as if he was about to cry. He hadn’t really tried to eat anything yet.
Finnegan was still morose about not being allowed to talk about Elliott, not being able to see him. Who could blame him. At least he ate his food. He ate the broccoli-heads by first nibbling the buds off before demolishing the stems in one huge bite. Somewhat adorable. But between his children's gloominess and the weight of his own problems, the whole thing was a very depressing affair.
He took a sip of water, trying to come up with anything to say.
Your papa is miserable and alone at the beach right now but you can’t see him because it might harm you and he might die again any time
Maybe not that.
It was hard not to speak about it as it was the only thing on his mind now. How Elliott was doing. What would happen to him. How terribly alone he was sure to be feeling. How horribly abandoned.
Will you ever forgive me? Any of you?
He stuffed a large clump of food into his mouth to stuff down the urge to cry.
I need a conversation topic… anything...
“So uhm… Ephraim. Did you get any new music?”
Ephraim stared. “I. Yes.” His voice was weak. Like he was seriously feeling bad. But was now the right time to address it? Ephraim had gone straight to his room upon coming home, hadn’t stopped to tell him anything. he’d laid down the new issue of ActionMarauder on the couch table for him and had then disappeared. Had something happened?
Robert decided that the dinner table was not the right place to try and comfort him.
“Well. That’s good.” great. But what was he supposed to say?
“Ayleen, how was it in the dog park? Did you have a good time? Baloo sure seems pretty spent.”
The dog was sleeping under the table with only occasional sounds escaping him. Usually he was begging for scraps at this point.
Ayleen moved the food about her plate. “I..yeah. Jenny and I...talked a lot. She’s going away to Wya-county with her uncle Vincent next week. Actually, she asked if I wanted to come too, she’d just have to check with Vince if its okay. They have a huge aquarium there.”
Robert nodded. “Yeah, we’ve been there before. But it was quite a few years ago, back when-”
He stopped himself as he remembered the trip. How he and Elliott had carried both kids on their backs to help them see the fishes that swam too far up for them to see. How had all just cuddled together on the couch after a long day of walking through the entire water park because the kids had been so enthusiastic that they had wanted to see everything before tiredness suddenly made them fall asleep on their feet. How exhausted but happy they had both been at the end of that day. Thoroughly tired out but happy for the memory and their children's interest in all things nature and science, particularly in regards to the ocean-
Robert stared into his water glass, unable to speak further.
He took a sip of water.
He looked at his hands, tracing the outline of it with his eyes. Breathing. He was at home right now. With his kids. In the here and now.
He put his hands under the table and worked a quick bit of stabilizing thaumaturgy on himself to limit his ability to experience emotion. It was an unhealthy, almost crippling coping mechanism but he couldn’t fall apart right now.
He looked back up and tried to pick up conversation. “Anyway. It’s a great… place. If Vincent is willing to take you I’m perfectly fine with you going. And of course I’ll pay Vincent for all expenses.”
Ayleen nodded. “Thanks.” She didn’t seem happy. She seemed incredibly depressed. His entire family was depressed. Fuck. Fuck! He was such a failure. Why did it all come down now? Why?! Was he… had he done something that had made it all worse suddenly? Yes, the last few years had been tough but he liked to think that he generally did at least an almost sufficient job of keeping this household together. Things hadn’t been this bad a few weeks ago. Yes, it was challenging and his kids were both hitting puberty now and sometimes he had to be strict but generally it was working okay, wasn’t it?
Why now?
Robert forced himself to finish his plate.
He got up, rinsed it and put it into the dishwasher. Then he got out a rag, rinsed it and wiped down the stove. It had still been too hot to do it earlier. He checked the fridge to see if anything was going bad or needed cleaning.
Anything to keep him occupied while still being available for his kids if they did want to speak to him.
One after the other they walked past him, throwing out whatever was left on their plate, rinsing their dishes, putting them in the dishwasher.
There was silence, safe for the clattering of plates and the flowing of water.
It felt like a funeral.
Full chapter at: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37490239/chapters/94296079
