#trcfeat;

[rkjxy]

──── k.arma september 2020 schedule   ╳   birthday fan meeting   ❞

she’s a bundle of nerves, excitement, and happiness on her way to the fan meeting venue. her heart thundering beneath her ribcage as she hears the bustle of movement from the other side of the stage; a permanent smile seemingly fixed on her lips as the noises of the fifty people who she would be meeting that day heightens her energy. it’s so exhilarating. the event hasn’t even started yet, but she feeds off of their energy already.

this must truly what if feels like to know you’re doing exactly what you’re meant to.

truthfully, she doesn’t know what to expect. while she had prepared a few things to make the event more interactive, she still couldn’t possibly gauge how they will respond to it. joy can only hope that they would enjoy the things she had arranged and that it wouldn’t be subpar to their expectations. she wants more than anything for them to have fun and to really celebrate such a special occasion with her. after all, this might be the only time within the year where she can intimately gather with them like this.

when the event starts, she walks up to the stage with the happiest smile, a hand above her chest in an attempt to calm her racing heart. the cheers from their fans were loud, it didn’t even feel like there were only fifty of them there. just seeing them in front of her, their faces as clear as day makes her heart full already. this was the best birthday gift she could have ever hoped for.

“hello everyone! i’m k.arma’s kil, thank you so much for being here today.” was her introduction, the microphone clutched tightly in her hands. “how are you? did you miss me?” she asks with a teasing smile, a laugh escaping from her lips as a booming chorus of “yes!” was heard from the audience. “ah, i missed you all too. i can’t wait to meet everyone on stage again but this is really fun too, right? i’m so happy that i’m given the chance to spend my birthday with everyone. i’m very grateful that you’re here with me today.” she says with utmost sincerity, a sparkle of fondness shining within her brown eyes.

the first few minutes of the hour begins with more chatter from her end. she shares little anecdotes about how she spent the morning of her birthday; the presents she’s received from the members, the breakfast she shared with doyeon, and the subsequent excitement as she prepares for the event. it felt like talking to an old friend but even better because their animated reactions kept on making her laugh throughout. 

suddenly, the staff brought out a two-tiered fondant cake with lit candles carefully adorned on top of it. “wow, it’s time to blow the candles now?” she says in surprise, walking closer towards the cake. as soon as she finished speaking, the crowd erupted into a birthday song. as they sing for her, she sways and claps along, eyes on them the entire time. as soon as they were done, she thanks them with a polite bow and moves to blow the cake but not before closing her eyes to make a wish. 

i hope we always get to build happy memories.

finally, she blows the candles as the fans cheered once again. “thank you, thank you.” she says with a smile. “i will tell you guys what i wished for but i don’t want to jinx it so i’ll just keep it to myself for now.” she laughs despite their whines. afterward, she took pictures with the cake and chattered some more. at one point, she gave in to a request to dance a portion of their latest release as she danced the killing part.

for the next portion, the staff pulled out a large resume card which she hoped they can utilise for the fans to get to know her better. joy feels that there’s still so much of her that they don’t know, even though it’s already been more than a year since she debuted. the segment took a few minutes to finish. in it, she talked about her favourite nickname “joy is my english name and pretty much everyone i know call me as that!”; a special talent, “i can memorise a choreography just by watching it.”; and other smaller information such as where she was born, what languages she knows how to speak, and what are her hobbies.  

the childhood section may seem like it would be more revealing but it’s honestly facets of her life which she doesn’t mind sharing. in there, she talks about her strengths and weaknesses. what she loved to do as a child where she talked about how much performing means to her even at a young age. she also mentioned her first memory of seoul, which was a childhood vacation where all she did was eat hotteok and mandu as how she felt an instant connection for the city even though it was her first time ever being there.

the last few moments of the fan meeting would be where she gets to interact with all of the attendees one-by-one for a short period of time. as they all file a line to approach her, she’s surprised at the many different faces she’s greeted by. they were all so courteous and wonderful. one of the more memorable people, a young man who introduced himself as pj, told her quite nicely how she’s even more breathtaking in real life to which she can only laugh. he looked very excited to meet her and this energy was rubbing off on her, as evidenced by her grin and the adoring look she’s giving him. before he’s asked to move, what made their interaction even more significant to her memory was the note he slid towards her. “my friend told me to give this to you, and he'd kill me if you didn't read it. 99% sure you know him!” he says, and with a look of surprise she quickly masks, she thanks him generously before waving goodbye.

another significant interaction was when she was offered a large ring. as soon as she sees it, she laughs boisterously. “oh my gosh!” was her reaction, eyes wide as she accepts the large ring. “thank you! this is so pretty. i’ll put it through my arm to keep it safe.” she gushes, smiling at the man whose name she gathered was dowhan. the big ring rests comfortably on her wrist, acting as a bracelet. she kept it on there until the entire event was over.

soon enough, it was time to say goodbye. “thank you so much again for coming to my birthday party. i hope that we’ll always get to spend such wonderful time together like this. i had the best birthday ever!” she speaks with utmost happiness. “thank you for all your support. please look forward to seeing k.arma in the future, we love you all dearly!” with that final message, she goes around the entirety of the stage waving at every corner she can reach.

she leaves the venue and arrives home with the fullest heart. it had truly been the best birthday ever and she can’t wait to always spend her special days like this—surrounded by love and appreciation.

[rkjxy]

────   k.arma july 2020 schedule   ╳   KIL dance performance video   ❞

when she had pitched the idea to their manager, she’d expected to be met with a frown of disapproval and a slow shake of his head. she had prepared for it─thought that it would be good to steel herself for the possibility of disappointment. yet when he raised one eyebrow in consideration and left with only the barest of acknowledgements, she had allowed herself to be hopeful but not too hopeful. she did not think she would hear from him about it again so soon.

yet there she is. at a rooftop, ready to film a piece she had been working on for months.

thrilled is an understatement to explain exactly what she feels in that moment. 

she had planned this for months. as she thinks about the different ways where she can showcase her skills, utilising a video streaming platform sounded just about the most plausible option. using youtube would be very beneficial for her as they already have an audience in it, she just didn’t think that they would let her use the company’s account. so as she reaches out to all the connections she’s made over the last year or so of being in this industry, she was able to gather a team of people who will undoubtedly help her shine in what she loves doing the most.

it goes without saying that their choreographies as k.arma had often left her wanting for more. joy feels that her skills as a dancer were not highlighted enough in the dances that they had to do. she wants to show more of exactly what she’s capable of, knowing that what the public had already seen from her barely scrapes through the surface. after all, she had spent so much of her life dancing; she was definitely more than what they have already seen and she’s here to prove exactly just that.

it was close to sunset when they finished setting up. before that, she had been practicing restlessly a piece she had been crafting to perfection. as soon as she sat down for hair and makeup, she had felt calm and collected. she knew the choreography was ready for the rest of the world to watch. it terrifies her to think that doing this will subject her to comments of varying degrees. that people can now openly comment whether they liked it or not. she had always been sensitive about the public’s thoughts.

but truthfully, she would rather be at the receiving end of that than be invisible. k.arma’s kil would never shy away, most especially not when it comes to her dancing.

the glow of the setting sun casts a beautiful shade from behind her and as the music starts, she’s immediately suck into the safe space she has created for herself.

her eyes were ablaze as she dances─movements slick as it hits precisely every beat of the song. joy makes sure to put enough power into her movements but not so much that it’s distracting. her body moves and flows swiftly, mouth lip-syncs to some of the lyrics. a smirk here and there, she makes sure to keep her eyes trained on the lenses of the camera. she reacts accordingly. as she circles her hips, she flirts with the camera yet changes facial reactions as soon as she moves to a different part. she had always been an expressive dancer and knows just the right reactions to make to drag her audience closer. joy puts her all into it; exuding a cool charm to her that is different from her usual one as a member of k.arma. her motions were clean, concise, and shows the kind of training she’s had over the years. here she proves that she isn’t her group’s main dancer for nothing. 

they finish that first round without a hitch. for as much as they were all satisfied with how it turned out, they still went for a second take just to round everything up. she moves just the same, if not better, making sure that she’s leaving no room for them to doubt her.

exhaling a breathe of relief, she smiles widely as they all clap around her. but they’re not done yet. they take some beauty shots for the introduction and closing clips. she poses for the camera as if this is natural to her; as if she was born to be in that very moment. maybe she was, she wouldn’t have worked so hard all this time if she weren’t.

once they were done, she personally thanks each and every person who were up at that rooftop on a warm july afternoon. she watches the clips, excitement blossoming from her heart and extending throughout her body. there’s a big smile on her lips as she imagines how nicely it would turn out. it surprises her then how she isn’t even nervous at all. she just wants to see the final fruit of this day’s labour.

a few days later when the final video was presented to her, she almost squeals in happiness. as she watches herself dance, she feels the very root of her pride and joy. this is her brainchild, one that she’s looking forward to continuing for as long as she can.

as she presses the upload button, she knows without a shadow of a doubt that this is only the beginning for kil’s performance videos. 

[rkjxy]

────   k.arma may 2020 schedule   ╳   return of superman guesting   ❞

growing up as an only child, she doesn’t necessarily have that nurturing personality. joy thinks the side of her that is caring and can responsibly look after others just came when she started living with yeri all those years ago. before, she was this young girl who would cry when something wasn’t given to her. now, she has grown tenfold and she couldn’t be any prouder of herself.

when she found out that they will be appearing in return of superman, she was thrilled. she’s watched that show a lot, primarily to coo over the cutest little babies. she uses it as a means to boost her serotonin because who wouldn’t look at those kids and find some semblance of happiness? they were just simply too adorable not to be smitten with and just like the majority of the people in their country, they have her wrapped around their little hands.

she was a bouncing ball of nerves and excitement as they walk through the halls of the company. they were told that the hammington’s were filming at the cafeteria and that they were meant to just stumble along, making the interaction appear very natural. as the girls came bounding down the elevators, there seems to be a permanent smile fixed on her lips. as soon as they see the older boy, william, joy can’t help but to approach him quickly.

“william, william, hello!” her words were a little more high pitched as she bends down to get closer to the little boy. when she sees that he’s asking for something, she moves behind him, ready to help. “what do you need?” she asks and when he answers, she’s quick on the uptake as she lifts him up to pick up the seaweed being offered by the lady behind the counter. “thank you!” she says, bouncing the adorable toddler in her arms. as she puts him down, she moves to let the other girls have their chance with him and together, they all walk towards the dining area.

from there, it was a flurry of greetings and small talk. “i’m a big fan of your boys.” she says one time, making sure that their dad knows how much she adores their segment on the show. afterwards, came more fairly pleasant conversation. before the recording ends, she makes sure to be able to carry bentley. as she tenderly caresses his head and bounces him in her arms, there’s an enamoured smile splayed across her lips.

the recording came and finished quickly. as she gets a final kiss from william, the girls of k.arma wave their goodbye. it may have been one of their quickest television guesting yet, but it’s definitely one of her favourites. 

[rkjxy]

it goes like this,

hyunark

it has been a couple of days since they’ve all received the new year’s news that shocked them all. honestly, a change in the lineup is not something she has expected. joy really didn’t think they would replace sana, even though it seems like that has been the norm in all the other groups who’ve lost their members. instead, she ignored all of that. for the first few weeks, she wallowed in her sadness thinking that no one will come in to fill the missing spot.

yet now that’s all changed. she watches with wide eyes that day as a new girl came in. it was hard to conceal her surprise but even so, she made sure to smile at the other female right away. it’s hard to imagine what she could’ve been feeling at the moment; entering a group eight months after they debuted. at the very least, she should be welcoming. not that it’s ever going to be hard for her to be like one.

“hi, unnie. are you ready to practice today?” she asks the older girl with a soft smile. the first few tasks were to make sure that hyuna was up to speed in things like their past choreographies before she can move on to the next ones. clearly, she’s more than happy to help on that part. “our dances really aren’t that hard but i can understand that practicing them all at once might seem like a lot. maybe we can take it slowly? focus on one thing for a few days before moving on to the next?” she suggests, a hopeful smile on her lips. “it’s up to whatever you’ll be more comfortable in doing!”

[rkjxy]

moonlight melody,

@jinsoulrk

she sits in the middle of the practice room, cross legged and relaxed. it feels different to feel this way; not when all of her memories as a trainee in this room consists of her always scrambling on her feet and practicing for hours on end. while she still needs to practice, it doesn’t feel as imminent this time. she could take a few moments to herself and go back to all the important things she was doing earlier after she’s taken this breather.

the quiet was broken when the door opens. joy’s attention was brought to the person on the other side of the door and a smile breaks out into her face once she sees who it is.

“jinsoul!” she greets, ushering for the younger to come inside with all the excitement of a five year old. “come inside! how are you? how was your christmas? it’s been awhile.” joy pats the empty space next to her, urging for jinsoul to sit. she hopes her excitement doesn’t come off as being bothersome; she’s just really excited to see her again. after a moment, she laughs a little. “i’m sorry─am i taking you away from something else? i hope you’re not very busy. i’d like to catch up!”

[rkjxy]

────   k.arma december 2019 schedule   ╳   king of mask singer guest appearance   ❞

truthfully, she thinks she shouldn’t be here. 

a main dancer in a show where she has to critique and analyse a person’s vocal colour and the way that they sing is a song is a skill she didn’t quite have. she’s not exactly the type of person who would run through someone’s singing and determine who if they’re better than the other. she just likes to listen. joy thinks that everything would probably sound great to her and maybe because of that she wouldn’t be as good of a judge as they want her to be.

if this were dancing, maybe then she would have better luck. she would know what to say and what to look out for. whereas here, she would probably just rely on what the other panelists are going to say. that or she would just chance a glance at sohee and hope she would speak enough for the both of them.

still, she’s invited here for a reason and she’s very grateful for that. she would just have to work hard and listen well in order to deliver an amateur judgement that wouldn’t make anyone listening to her roll their eyes in annoyance.

she’s nervous as she sits there, pulling strength from her companion as she watches the older female settle herself on the seat. joy’s glad that she’s not doing this alone for she can’t even imagine how nerve-wracking it would be to be surrounded by so many people she doesn’t know. it comforts her greatly that sohee’s here, and that she can lean on her for guidance and support. it’s not hard to feel more at ease now─letting herself breathe slowly and evenly. 

the recording starts without a hitch. they were introduced as the celebrity panelists and she smiles and bows her head diligently. when the contestants were introduced, her eyes immediately narrowed as she follows them walk towards the middle of the stage. the costumes were amazing and from where she sits, it’s truly hard to tell who the people are behind the masks. leaning back on her seat, she bites her lower lip and tries to contain her smile of excitement as the music starts. when the goat starts to sing, she wraps her hands around herself in an effort to calm down her goosebumps. it’s just too good. 

the entire time the first contestant was singing, she would react in different ways. sometimes she’d tilt her head to the side, she’ll lean closer, or she would sway her head in time with the melody. while he was good, she can tell that maybe singing isn’t exactly his forte. she can tell with the way that he sings some parts and it comes off as if he wants to rap it and in the way that he puts effort in the more difficult notes. she should know that, she does it as well. still, she enjoyed his round and before she knows it, the park shinyang character starts to sing.

as soon as the second contestant starts, joy knew she would be voting for him. she mouths the word “wow” when he reaches the chorus, and she seems to be frozen in her seat with her mouth agape. she’s got goosebumps all over her body and she smiles happily as she proceeds to enjoy the performance. now that she’s settled on the choice, she can relax a little bit. his voice is really nice to listen to. she watches him intently and with amazement evident in her eyes. as their performance draws to a close, joy enthusiastically claps her hand. if this was good, she can only imagine how hard it must be to judge the other rounds. 

when she was asked if she has any idea about who the contestants are, she profusely shakes her head. “i really don’t know. i think their voices are very unique and it’s nice to listen to but i don’t think it’s something that i’ve heard before.” she laughs a little. “it’s a shame because i really enjoyed it! i will search for them a lot after this.” came her promise, a bright smile directed towards the contestants. 

after that, they continue with the rest of the recording. while the setup was different, the premise was the same. she tries to give off genuine reactions as she listens to another round of performances. just like the one before, she’s enraptured often narrowing her eyes as she tries to think or leans closer as if that will improve her listening. once they’ve voted and the first eliminated contestant was revealed, she’s swept up in the frenzy and claps and cheers along with everyone else. she didn’t get to talk much but she’s fine with it; she’s just happy to be there.

the recording was coming to a close. as they reach the end, joy makes sure to speak one last time. “thank you so much for having us here. i had lots of fun and really learned a lot about singing! please look forward and watch k.arma more closely. thank you!” she bows her head and waves her hand. as the lights dimmed and the cameras stop rolling, she heaves out a big breath. it was an exhausting day but one filled with so much excitement and thrill. she truly lives for moments like these.

[rkjxy]

────   k.arma december 2019 schedule   ╳   year end music festivals   ❞

the craziest year of her life so far is finally drawing to a close. thinking back on where she was at the start of it, she feels somewhat emotional.

it’s funny to think just how different her life had become throughout the year. with each month that passes by brings a new challenge and a change that she never thought she would be able to push through. the park sooyoung that she was at january is strikingly different to who she is now at december. in just twelve months, she feels like a better version of herself. she feels more confident, more independent, more capable. if there’s anything that she’s learned throughout the year, it’s that anything in her life is achievable once she starts believing in herself.

it’s not like she didn’t believe in herself before. if she didn’t, she wouldn’t be where she is today. the difference now is that believing in herself comes a lot more easily. she would have her apprehensions and the usual bout of nervousness but it eases away as quickly as it comes. she’s no longer the type to feel burdened by her worries. instead, she moves and walks forward in her constant strive to do better. after all, she gains her strength from so many things now as compared to before. it’s easy to push through when you’ve got so many things inspiring you.

she owes it all to their fans. seeing their invaluable support for them and their group is all the motivation that she needs in order to do well. whenever she thinks about it, she’s always humbled by their decision to love and support them. of all the groups in the world and they chose k.arma─that’s the kind of dedication she can’t find anywhere else. which is why she’s made a promise to herself that she would work hard and give back to them in the best way that she knows how. it’s the least she can do after everything that they’ve done for her and the group so far.

she’s excited to meet them again. it seems that after she’s had the taste of it, joy will never grow tired of performing on stage over and over again. she likes the thrill of being in front of so many people and just being in her element. she likes seeing glimpses of their fans huddled in one corner of the venue, with their loudest screams and amazing fanchants. she’s beyond happy that they get to be a part of these year end festivals. it was an experience she knows she would never forget.

performing their songs feels like second nature at this point. she didn’t want their fans to feel like every performance is repetitive so even if the choreography and the singing were the same, she tries to up her stage attitude. when the camera pans to her, she acts more. with fierce eyes she tries to embody their song in her dancing throwing away all remnants of joy as she channels the performing charisma of kil. this is her second persona and one that she’s proud to have.

as their performance ends and they retreat backstage, joy can only hope that within next year, they can bring more music for their fans to devour. she wants to be able to perform more and to show different sides of herself in the process. this is perhaps her new year’s wish; something that she’s clinging onto tightly.

when all the artists were ushered on stage for the encore. she happily walks around closer to where she knows their fans are at. she waves, throws finger hearts, and playfully interacts with them. she laughs at them too when they attempt to communicate with her, given the large barrier between them. when it’s time to go, she frowns initially but switches up to a smile as she waves goodbye. she’ll meet them all again soon; she knows she will.

as the last of the year end festivals finishes up, she thinks about the changes in her life and how she feels hopeful that more beautiful ones would come in the new year. with each day that passes by she will always remember to be grateful. grateful that she’s living out her dreams and grateful that she’s surrounded with love from the people closest to her heart. these are a few of the things she will take with her in her never ending journey of growth and discovery.

with this, she will say: bring on the new year!

[rkjxy]

playing dress up,

@rkdoyexn

thinking about it is giving her an immense amount of headache. well, not really—she’s just prone to stressing herself out in some occasions.

“doyeon-ah, please help.” she calls out to the girl on the other bed, frowning as she stares and scrolls aimlessly on her phone. sitting up, she pulls her legs close to her chest before staring at her roommate. “i mean, it’s not very important but i’m having such a hard time trying to think of what to go as for this halloween party.” it seems so trivial, really. she’s dressed up countless of times for halloween and never once put a lot of pressure onto herself the way she’s doing now. yet in the back of her mind she thinks that this is different somehow because this isn’t just a regular traipse off of the streets of seoul attending random parties. this is a highly publicised event and she can’t just attend in drab and call it a night.

“i don’t know what to do!” she sighs, putting her head down. after a moment, she looks up again, a small smile in place. “who are you going as though? i’m curious.” grinning, an idea sparks into her head as she waits for the younger to answer. “maybe i can pluck some ideas from your costume! use it as a head start.” she’s excited because even if she’s been having a hell of a hard time, things like these still give her a sort of enthusiasm. after all, it’s so completely like her to feel encouraged with the help of others.