hello! i'm not super sure how one starts a rant about how good your writing is but that is exactly what i'm here to do.
i recently went very very deep down the martian rabbit hole and my descent into madness was facilitated by your absolutely sensational fics. I kid you not when i say that i actually cried over some of them. i gasped out loud at other parts. i felt goosebumps. i grinned like an idiot. my breath caught in my throat (which is a real thing so go figure!). reading your writing was genuinely such and experience and I do not have the words to adequately describe every part of it but I would like to just say. they bring me so much joy and you are so unbelievably talented.
your martian soulbond fic. i have read it perhaps 4 times now? and everytime i cannot put it down. i sit down and read it in one go and everytime (almost) feels like i'm reading it for the first time which is amazing. the raw need that mark exhibits in that fic isn't something i've seen much of and it's fabulous to see and read such an interesting dynamic. both of them feeling inadequate. the possessiveness. and a really interesting concept which is the selfishness of the mind shielding! most fics i've come across that deal with soul bonds don't really delve into that and i loved the nuance on that.
shutter speed. wow. the casual possessiveness of mark (which you have a talent for writing into all your fic), the way seb goes from i wont take photos of people to "i HAVE TO DO JUSTICE TO HIM" WOW. BREATHTAKING. you brought pictures to life with your words!!! THE VALEWIS IN THE BG. AMAZING. also the little commentary on the responsibility of a photographer.. it felt so relevant especially today when people are just. monetising other people and their own lives and mining them for content and idk. i really liked how you dealt with that. i've always been of the bent of mind that you should live in the moment and photography takes away from that... but genuinely this fic has made me want to reconsider that stance. but also at the end. not really. ugh. it was *chef's kiss.
just. thank you for writing! you are fantastic and so talented and just. beyond words.
so so so much love <3
✨
Anon 🥺🥺🥺 I'm going to spew out my appreciation for you under the cut because it got long huehuehue
I don't even have words this is just so very kind, lovely, encouraging, and wonderful all at once. What an amazing thing to wake up to. I've read it so many times and I'm clutching your words close to my chest. I'm so happy to know that my fics have moved you in such a way I'm squeaking I'm blushing I'm scuffing my toe into the ground I'm walking around in circles! Come back here so I can give you a lil kith! A big kith! Come back here so I can love you!
I'm over the moon you liked Shutter Speed! I think it's one of the fics I'm most proud of. I'm not a photographer by any means but I have friends who are and amazing people like @sebrrari who really helped me with details like the vibes of being in an art show. It's so good to know it came across well. And it is very much about knowing when to use the camera and when not to! Seb at the end, just basking in Mark's presence, and understanding that in that moment, he doesn't need anything more. He sees and is seen, even without a lens.
The shielding in Treading Softly was my favourite mechanic of the fic! If you'd like to read a little more about it, here's some thoughts I had previously. Essentially the fact that you can design the doors in your head, make them big and heavy and imposing and impenetrable and hurtful, and you can create the scissors that snips your bond into two, means that it all comes down to choice. Yes, there are soul bonds, but yes, deliberate care must be taken to keep them. Huehuehue anon!
Descent into madness being facilitated by fics is something I have partaken of and am very proud to be a part of ehehehehe. If you'd like more martian recs, check this out! We're blessed to have so many amazing authors in this fandom. We're blessed that we're still getting food after so many years! Can you imagine! From 2013 to now. Unhinged! I love them! I am unwell about them!
Thank you for taking the time to leave me such a sweet message anon, I appreciate it so greatly. If you're around please pop over for a chat anytime! (Or slide into dms so I can give you a very big hug and we can be unwell together)
[lying on tummy, kicking feet, staring up at u in wonder] could we please get director's commentary on treading softly? anything that was going through your mind, a scene that was particularly hard to write, how the story developed? anything you'd like to share!
AMES BESTIE PLS thank you for your lovely ask here's a chapter of Treading Softly in My Head that I really wanna talk about!
This part's about Sebastian realizing that the bond is affecting Mark in a much more severe way than it is affecting him. I really did want to highlight Mark in a more vulnerable position in this story (which we know then flips around later on), because it's 2013. 2013 was all Sebastian. Now what was it like for Mark?
Mark looks downright awful. His eyes are bloodshot, his hair in disarray, like he’s been clutching at strands and pulling. Sebastian reaches out without thinking, cupping his elbow, and Mark’s entire body tunes toward him like a compass needle finding North.
“You’re here,” Mark rasps, like he can’t believe Sebastian actually came.
Mark is in disbelief here. He didn't think Sebastian would bother coming over to ease the pain the distance was causing him. And why would he think otherwise? Seb's shown (in multi21) that all he cares about is winning.
“I said I would be.” He sounds sharper than he intended. The media, the fans, his own team, they’d have the world believe he’d be gloating in this position. But Sebastian can’t feel anything but dismay. Such power over his own teammate shouldn’t be legal.
Seb however, is aghast that Mark would think so. Look at how they keep getting their wires crossed. Yes, he might care about winning. But not to the extent that he'd ignore someone suffering over a bond that neither of them has any control over. He's never seen Mark in such duress. It's unsettling. Mark has never been anything but unflappable in Seb's eyes.
Seb made his own decisions and will have protection as usual, that’s just how it goes.
Mark actually says this after multi21. Poor guy.
The irony isn’t lost on him. If it weren’t such a problem this would almost be comical.
Mark straightens himself up, like he’s feeding off Sebastian’s mere touch. He catches sight of Sebastian’s duffel bag, packed enough for a two week stay, and a sort of grateful look crosses his face before he schools his expression into something more neutral. “Come in,” he says.
Sebastian shuffles in, entirely wrongfooted. It’s the first time he’s been over Mark’s place. The first time since they were teammates. Not for a beer, not because they’re friends. For the sole reason that they’re accidentally bonded and Mark’s mentally tearing himself apart over it.
This is Seb, regretting that they could never get to the point where they were friendly enough to do all the things friendly people do with each other. Redbull's environment never allowed for it. They couldn't have lunch. They couldn't hang out. And now Seb's in Mark's home, and he doesn't know how to conduct himself.
He jumps when two dogs bound up from the living room, barking and clambering over themselves to greet Sebastian. “Hallo,” he says, slightly bewildered at their friendliness. A part of him must have imagined Mark’s dogs hating him in equal measure.
Mark's dogs liking Seb is important! I do think pets very often pick out on their owner's stances on another person. And Simba and Shadow so quickly accepting Seb hints to how Mark doesn't actually hate Seb at this point.
“Simba and Shadow.” Mark looks a fraction irritated at how quickly the dogs have taken to Sebastian. “They’re goofballs. The worst guard dogs.”
“I like them,” Sebastian decides.
Mark snorts, but the tight line of his shoulders dips. “You would. They’re like you.”
“Hey,” Sebastian says, but he doesn’t protest too much. They’re smiling at each other now, if only cautiously. The panicked, frothing of the bond has dissolved into a calmer simmer. Sebastian presses a little closer and hears Mark’s breathing even out.
This is me making up stuff about soul bonds. But essentially, when a bond is fresh, distance wears heavily on the users. Unfairly, it only affects Mark, which only further highlights the difference in power between them both. In this situation, and in Redbull. But Seb wants to help, he does. Everyone looking from the outside in could see that Seb wanted to get along with Mark. (Only Mark couldn’t) So Seb leans closer into Mark, even though they would have never done such a thing outside of this, to ease Mark's pain. He goes above and beyond what Mark expects of him.
“Thank you,” Mark says quietly.
Sebastian can only nod in response.
Mark points out the guest room, made up hastily like he’d been there the entire morning, flipping between duvet cover colours. There’s a vase of fresh flowers on the drawer. Hand-picked.
This is from Seb's perspective, but he does note that Mark's made out the guest room hastily. And Mark did. He probably spent the morning panicking, because just as Seb doesn't know how to conduct himself in Mark's home, Mark doesn't know how to host Seb as a guest. So he runs out to the garden, and picks a mismatch bunch of flowers for Seb's arrival, and hopes that's enough.
“You didn’t have to,” Sebastian says, exasperated.
Seb's like, painfully endeared at this point.
“I couldn’t think of anything else to do while waiting for you. I tried.” Mark stops abruptly. “I could only manage that. Simple things.”
“You tried,” Sebastian says slowly. “Tried what?”
Oh here we go, one of my favourite parts of the story. Seb doesn't realize Mark couldn't even function without him at this point.
Mark doesn’t answer, but a hand strays unconsciously to his face. Sebastian flinches, aghast. He wonders how he could’ve missed it earlier, the small but obvious nicks lining Mark’s jaw. Mark cut himself shaving. His hands must have shaken terribly.
He finds out the distance has caused Mark so much distress that he couldn't even shave. Again, highlighting how greatly the balance of power was tipping in Seb's favour. Seb is suitably distraught as he realizes this. A reminder: Seb only wants to win in a fair fight. How is this situation fair in the slightest?
“Sit,” Sebastian says.
Mark sits warily, atop the duvet cover he spent the morning preparing for Sebastian’s arrival.
“Where’s your razor?”
“In my bedroom,” Mark says stupidly. “Seb, what—”
He’s out before Mark can finish his question, and back in under a minute with Mark’s entire shaving kit. Something crawls up his spine steadily in small increments. It takes awhile for him to place it. He’s furious.
He spreads the shaving gel evenly across Mark’s cheeks and throat. Mark’s skin alternates between smoothness and stubble, like he’d kept attempting to complete the job but had to give up halfway.
This is ridiculously intimate, for two people who are currently viewing each other as enemies. You're shaving your sworn rival, for goodness sakes. You're trusting your rival isn't going to slit your throat. You're letting your rival see you in such a vulnerable state.
“Why didn’t you call sooner?” It’s hard keeping his voice level, when all he wants to do is grab Mark’s collar and shake him. He tries to dilute his anger with the gentle motions of his fingers across Mark’s face. Is it anger really, or concern? What if something worse had happened; what if Mark had collapsed again? “Why did you wait until it got this bad?”
Seb is furious and worried sick and furious that he's worried sick. He's furious that Mark waited this out so long. He's furious at the bond. He's treating Mark here with utmost care. You know that trope showing up at your enemy's doorstep bloodied and bruised because you didn't know where else to go? Yeah, that's it right here.
Mark’s eyes flutter close for a moment, and then he’s fixing Sebastian with a glare. “You think it’s easy? Admitting that I need this from you?”
And Mark, in a rare moment of honesty, tells Seb, it's not easy for me to admit I need this from you. I hate being in this position actually. It sucks. (THIS IS ALSO A METAPHOR FOR HIS POSITION IN REDBULL)
“Damnit, Mark.” The balled up righteous fury in him deflates like a day-old balloon. Get off your high horse, he’d said to Mark. Ashamed, he sweeps the razor carefully down the side of Mark’s left cheek. The reluctant relief at the contact is obvious. “I wouldn’t hold this above you, ever. You know I wouldn’t.”
He says the last bit almost pleadingly. You know, surely. The crowds may boo me but you’re my teammate. You hate me but you know. I’m not a monster.
I'd like to think that even though Seb was getting booed across continents (GRRRR), Mark didn't actually take joy in that. And Seb wants this reassurance from Mark--because guess what? His teammate's opinion of him is a lot more important to him than dozens of random, faceless people in the crowd.
Mark doesn’t answer, and Sebastian wilts. He continues shaving Mark in despondent silence. But when he’s done, when Mark’s skin is smooth and clean, complete with the little red slashes here and there, Mark catches Sebastian’s wrist with his hand. Maybe Sebastian hasn’t been starved of him, the same way Mark is, but he has to admit the touch satisfies him somewhat, soothes the ache that’s curling in his gut.
Mark makes Seb wait for his answer, but when he catches Seb's wrist, something in Seb settles. Look, the bond might be extremely one-sided at this point, but Seb is still affected by it. Being close to Mark is soothing here. That's important, because later in the story, Seb tumbles into a panic when he realizes he needs Mark, maybe more than Mark might need him. How quickly the tables turn.
“I know,” Mark says, gruff.
Something shifts, an extra braid inlay weaving in the string between them. Christ. They’re going about this bond breaking all wrong.
Yep, the bond was never going to break. It's only getting stronger. It's about revealing the parts of yourself to your sworn enemy, that you couldn't even reveal to your closest friends! It's about being forced to confront what your enemy is going through! It's about understanding that only the admission of vulnerability can bring about!
9k, Sebastian Vettel/Mark Webber; Inspiration here
Read on AO3
“Do you need me there?”
Mark’s jaw works. The door in Sebastian’s mind is still slammed shut, but he doesn’t need even a sliver open to know what Mark’s thinking. Mark’s emotions are plain on his face. Sebastian can see him considering how thin he can stretch a soul bond out, like pulling on a rubber band before it loses all elasticity. And Mark’s a proud bastard, but he’s never been an idiot.
i need to barge into ur inbox to tell u that ur martian fic has saved my life....oh my god....thank u so much for writing and sharing it with us....the way u wrote mark was so !!!!!??!!!!??!!!! i love him i want him . THANK U I SHALL BE REREADING THIS EVERY DAY FOR THE NEXT 2 WEEKS
Bom I'm screaming crying moaning about to throw up you are literally THE Martian inspiration and senpai and every time I see your art my heart goes doki doki?? UH!!!??? I'm speechless this is sending me to the moon?? THANK YOU for letting me know I'm so incredibly happy you enjoyed. I said it was for the Martian gang and I mean that in every which way! <33
BESTIE YOUR LATEST FIC i am on the floor it's so well written and devastating and god but i love the way you write it's like ur peeking into my/the reader's soul and teasing out the emotions we never wanted to face or something crazy like that. sorry for sounding insane it's just so good omg fantastic stuff sending u the biggest hugs and kudos
- xo user ames antivettel
AMES BESTIE you are the sweetest the kindest I'm ugly crying! That's such a massive compliment, thank you?? I'm over the moon it connected with you in such a way. I said this was for the Martian gang and I mean that in every which way, you in particular, thank you for keeping us well fed sending you a million hugs right back! <333
After releasing three albums in 2019, Jeremy Spencer’s back with his first of 2020.
A concept album the the wordless sort, Mona is named for, and explores the various personalities of, Spencer’s favorite guitar - a custom-made job with cracks in the varnish a la the Mona Lisa.
The instrument plays the role of lead vocalist on this LP via Spencer’s supple slide work. His harmonica and acoustic piano do the rest of the heavy lifting while acoustic guitar, bass and drums round out the arrangements.
Entirely instrumental and digital only, Mona has a handful of high points including the opening “She’s So Cute,” which melds jazz and blues; the primordial rock of “Mona Breaks Out!” and the rushing river of a closer that is “Wisdom Cries.”
Unlike on his three stupendous albums of 2018 and ’19 - which also saw a holiday release - the former Fleetwood Mac guitarist loses his way by adding horns and synth strings to “Mona Goes Disco Psycho,” breathy sounds to “Mona Lisa Sighs” and wordless incantations to “Mysterious India.”
While Mona has its moments, Treading Softly, Latina Nights and Yearning Winds are the records to turn to to hear the contemporary Spencer at the top of his game.
With Yearning Winds, Jeremy Spencer’s come up with yet another beguiling LP of low-key instrumentals that manage to breach the background-music barrier.
Dominated by Spencer’s light-touch slide guitar, subtle acoustic piano and accordion fills augmented with a rhythm section and occasional strings, Yearning Winds splits the difference between 2018’s similarly languid Treading Softly and early-2019’s breezy Latina Nights.
The former Fleetwood Mac (1967-1971) guitarist ties it all together on “Sleepy Maui Sunset,” three minutes Spencer’s slide spilling tears over the ivories, a formula that continues on “My Sweet Baby.”
“A Town of Goodbyes” is Yearning Winds’ most-uptempo track and another highlight; however, each of the 15 cuts and every second of the LP’s 50 minutes is essential and continues Spencer’s unlikely re-emergence that’s now spanned eight, high-quality, low-profile, mostly digital-only releases since 2006.
Grade card: Album Review: Jeremy Spencer - Yearning Winds - A-
Saratoga: With 17 Straight Dividend Hikes, This Special BDC Yields 9%
Saratoga: With 17 Straight Dividend Hikes, This Special BDC Yields 9%
Co-produced with Treading Softly and PendragonY for High Dividend Opportunities
Investment Thesis
We recently started a series of reports on how income investors can boost their income by investing in collateralized loan obligations (or CLOs). In the first report of this series, we explained what CLOs are and how they function. If you did not get a chance to read the report, this is the link:
