#trigger warning: flashbacks

[sweetdisarray]

I need a hysterectomy. I can't deal with waking up to find blood in my pants. I can't deal with being reminded of the two weeks I spent bleeding. I can't do it. I need a hysterectomy now.

[the-blue-ribbon]

(trigger warning: discussion of childhood sexual abuse and flashbacks)

One of the harsh realities of being a CSA survivor is having to face flashbacks--and not just a passing memory, either; a nagging, constant submersion into a previous event or trauma that destroys your consciousness of the present.

Tonight, I had one of those instances. I happened to be watching a movie in the dark with a blanket over my lap--unfortunately, a comfort that happened to be a common practice during most if not all of the nights I was molested. It's a trigger that hasn't bothered me in a while, and one that I thought I had a handle on. But tonight, I was thrown for a loop and I could remember details (the layout of the room, etc) that submerged me into the setting of my abuse instead of the movie I was so excited to watch.

The important thing about events like these is to snap yourself out of it and to realize your control over the situation. If needed, change your surroundings to be more comforting to you. For me, this involved sitting on top of the blanket that was on my lap before and watching the rest of the movie with the lights on. I had to remind myself of my age, my surroundings, and of the fact that I am no longer being abused.

And a lot of times that is what it all comes down to: the reminding yourself of the fact that you are safe and in control of your body and your environment. You do not deserve these flashbacks and you have a means of driving them away.

Stay strong, my lovely followers, and I hope this was helpful.