Hitting The Wall;
It was like crashing from a high. The feeling always came on suddenly, and he was p a r a n o i d. He wanted so much to just break out of his skin, the crawling sensation. He tried to sleep it off but the flashbacks smacked him left and right everytime his eyes shut when he was down like this. So he paced in his apartment. Then he took a walk, making his way through sector by sector. Until someone bumped him.
To anyone else it would’ve been something that could’ve been excused by an ‘I’m sorry’ or a ‘scuse me’. But for Cloud, in this moment, it was all he needed. A jostle, a rattle. And suddenly, he was grasped the person responsible, slamming them into the wall. “Watch you fucking step.” He growled. People stared, and the street got quiet as he narrowed his gaze at them before he let them drop and tried to take a deep breath.
The anger wasn’t directed at the man who’d bumped into him. It was at him. Him for not getting his brain right. Him for r e m e m b e r i n g and then it slammed into him like a fucking freight train. The memories. The blood on the ground, the pink mist filling the air as blood met sunlight and clouded his vision for a moment. His breathing began to quicken and he found his way into an empty alley, grabbing his head. “No.... no.”
‘Its your fault.’ He wanted to argue but how could he? Leaning on the wall, he grabbed a garbage can and slammed it into the wall. The sound crashing, and it blended in with the sound of bombs going off in his vision. A pallet lifted up and slammed, wood shattering and splintering everywhere. “FUCK.” It wasn’t a shout, no, it was a roar. A wounded wolf howling to a moon that didn’t shine on him anymore.
Holding the limp body in his hand, blood pouring from wounds. Nothing to be done but sit there. Much like his whole entire existence. Cellular degeneration was going to take him from this world with no say, just like he was taken from Cloud with no say. Tears streamed as he raged and trashed everything within grabbing range. “YOU FUCKING IDIOT.” He signed his life away, but without knowing he had truly signed his whole entire existence over to Shinra.
Once everything was demolished, and his back hit the wall, Cloud slammed his hands to either side of his head as he sobbed. “I’m sorry.... I’m sorry.” Who was he apologizing to? Tifa? Aerith? Zack? Or everyone who had ever come into contact with him. Arms folded over his knees as he rocked back and forth, the images playing in a constant relay. What he wouldn’t give to make every minute of it stop so that he could find some sort of peace.
