#triggering themes

[itztobiastime]

Vent for myself

TW VERY VERY TRIGGERING TOPICS LIKE IF YOU'RE SENSITIVE OR SMH DO NOT READ. It's like really really bad.

This is more to feel calmer and get my head clean, back on track, i feel better when i write about how i feel.

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I kinda decided to cut contact with someone, we were great friends and we used to talk a lot and ect but i honestly just felt left out, ignored, forgotten, replaced and like the convenient friend. I decided to stop letting people choose if i'm convenient or not to be friends with, i'm not an object, i shouldn't put myself down or let myself get humiliated like that, so much that someone will literally refer to me as the "last resort friend when the first friends i wanted to talk aren't here", i decided to respect myself and my own boundaries more. It's sane how much bad luck i have. In these 2/3 years, my mom got cancer, my cat got cancer, my stepdad threatened to leave while she was in the hospital, my friends forgot about me, i got bullied and harassed, my other cat got sick, my favorite aunt was transphobic and we had to cut ties, i should write fanfics because what the hell !!! I had to repeat a whole year on school, I FAILED A YEAR ON SCHOOL BECAUSE I WAS ABUSED AND MY ABUSER WAS IN THE SAME CLASS, I HAD TO SEE HIM EVERYDAY. GEEZ. I CAN'T CATCH A BREAK! At least my mom is well now, both my cat and mom got surgery and survived WICH YAY, amazing, two of my family members also made surgery and it went well, i'm just hoping the last one will make one and be okay now. I can't believe i let someone refer to me like that, call me just because the friends they liked more weren't there, be put in last place, disrespected, forgotten, shoved aside, probably made fun of and lord i almost was the 'punchbag' friend again, almost, i will never let myself be put in the role as the 'punchbag' "friend" again, NEVER ever. I can't BELIEVE THEY DRAW BETTER THAN ME I NEED TO STEP UP MY GAME, I NEED TO LOCK TF IN. OUT OF PURE HATRED FOR HUMANITY, WHEN MY IPAD COMES BACK, I WILL DRAW EVERYDAY, I WILL GET BETTER AND I WILL BE ABLE TO DRAW WHATEVER I WANT👹.. Omg i really need to socialize more, find more friends, i'm such a loser lol😭 I have nightmares everyday, i can't even talk to others, and i also got fired from my job and i'm trying to get a new job, i have like only 10 bucks on my acc omg.., and lowkey i'm afraid cuz i need to help my family, my cat is still under treatment because she's sick, my ipad broke and my mom has to pay 900 bucks, i'm honestly kinda freaked out. I feel completely alone right now, i am not doing well in school either and i'm too embarrassed of getting humiliated by the teachers again. I have like, no help, people barely talk to me and i have no courage to talk to people in real life. I ain't gonna k*ll myself but oh geez, it would be great, but i won't of course, i'm even using dr*gs right now but they ain't helping either. I'm freaking out, i'm panicking and acting like everything is fine, i'm acting like i'm okay when i'm not, oh god i lost another friend i don't have enough, i'm done for, if i don't get a job i'll probably end up living in my moms basement playing roblox all day with no job oh no no. I'm afraid i might be a lost cause, god what do i do what do i even do no one really likes me, the only people that do is my family how pathetic is that oh imma die alone i'm gonna die alone, not even dr*gs can help me, not even my therapist can, those mushro*ms ain't not helpin, medicine ain't helpin, not even multil*tion is helping, nothing is, i'm so done... eh. Eh. i'll probably get better like always no it's fine, it's fine, i'm fine, i'm okay... i just need to distract myself, i can get better, it will be fine, i will be okay. I will get another job, i will draw better, i will find friends, one day i will end up as a nice dad, a stay-at-home father with a art job and a awesome husband, i will have a happy ending, no one gonna abuse me again, no one gonna k*ll me, i will be living a nice domestic dream, i will be okay... it's all gonna be okay. I will be okay, my ipad comes back tomorrow, i will have distraction, it will be fun for sure, oh i miss my ipad, i will be so happyyyy... It will be ok ⍢⃝

[itztobiastime]

Long rant i made for myself because i just felt like it was important, it's also rather personal too, you don't need to read it if you don't want to. This isn't something to be argued over, i am not good at discussing/arguing either, i just want to speak my mind.

Tw; Triggering !! contains VERY triggering topics !!!!!!

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Society put their own comfort as more important than SA victims. Avoiding representation in ANY ways is a huge red flag, we need representation of SA survivors, like we need any other type of representation because victims are brushed aside and constantly misjudged, it's extremely harmful. I have seen many times people ignoring victims for their own comfort because THEY don't want to feel bad, they choose to isolate victims and ignore them, creating a disgusting wall that traps victims from feeling safe to even talk to other people because they feel that they are the burden and not the ignorant people who push them to be seen as a 'burden'. I have been severely abused over and over, when i seeked help, when it was clear i was going through something, i was brushed aside, ignored and even isolated because people didn't feel comfortable about MY trauma. It's always about THEM and not US. I am always judged for being different, people can tell i am different and they always can feel something is off, instead of asking, of being reasonable, they will immediately be mean/ignore me/isolate me, people will never get how "following their gut/trusting their heart" isn't always right and can just be harmful. SA victims are pushed to suicide even when they're not suicidal, i wasn't suicidal, people pushed me to be and for a long while it worked. We get ignored, people hide us, shame us, ignore us, isolate us to feel more comfortable, they do not care if we die because of it, they do not care about our health, they care about THEIRS. Hypocrisy, then they go out and talk about "How victims need to be heard" while they themselves are the ones causing our voices to not be heard. People who didn't go through that trauma are let to talk about it more than actual victims are let to talk about it, just like cis people are let to talk about transgenderism more than actual transgender people themselves. I find it a red flag when people say "oh i don't like this movie because it has SA on it" and the movie is just a great representation about a victim's story, i would understand if they been through it and are just triggered, but they're not, they just feel uncomfortable with the reality, it's ignorant, ignoring people's trauma and giving your unwanted opnion over an experience that isn't even yours- it's harmful, ignorant and selfish. It's the same thing as saying "oh i don't like this movie because it has representation of queer people", SA victims are people, we are the same as everyone else. Our lives shouldn't be considered hard to talk about, we should be important to talk about, to help others, to protect others. People's cherry picking is exactly what causes others to isolate victims, so please, always support victims and if you can't, at least acknowledge that they are there and they deserve their place in society, in social circles. Because i am tired of being alone for something i didn't cause, i didn't have any control over, i can't distance myself from being social any longer just because people don't feel comfortable around me for their cherry picking. I was very social back then, actually, i can be, sometimes, not all the time, i'm a mystery idk. This is more about my discomfort towards people who never been through SA always being ignorant, not about victims who need space to heal, i respect and understand that it's okay for victims to not be comfortable about everything/certain things. Anyways, STOP CHERRY PICKING WHO DESERVES TO BE SEEN, TO BE HEARD, LIKED, OR PART OF SOCIAL GROUPS/COMMUNITIES/ECT !!!! OK BYE!

[originalheroluck]

[sbgsooo]

content warning!!

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uayyy i finished this drawingg forgot to post🥹

[longwhisperingshadows]

9 (more) Bizarre and Unsettling Public Access Shows Not Shown on Regular...

[cleodrawz]

Dear PAW Patrol fanfic writers…

If you plan on writing a fanfic that includes heavy/triggering topics (abuse, sexual assault, etc.), PLEASE add trigger warnings! Fellow reminder that the average audience for the media are eight year olds. I’m currently reading a fanfic that implies SA and while I don’t mind the topic, no trigger warnings were present in order to at least make me aware of what I’m reading.

I’m not saying that you’re not allowed to write about said topics, but please give those who don’t wish to read about those topics a warning.

Also just adding this here, DO NOT harass those who don’t. While yes, the average audience are children, the majority of fanfic writers are also children who most likely don’t know any better. Harassing them won’t do anything other than make them stop posting, and I don’t want any young writers to stop doing what they’re passionate about.

[softvampirewhump]

Moments:

⚠️ Intimate Whump Implied

Whumper descended the opposing stairway silently. The light aiding in their stealth.

Whumpee poised and ready for the taking. Asleep on the couch, none the wiser of their next moments.

[dumpster-lighterfire]

21/9/25

Vent that may or may not get post - in the case it does. Here's some content warning, it's likely not all of em but whatever; transphobia, internalized transphobia, child abuse & neglect, medical mismanagement, power abuse, honestly... Just a whole shitty ass situation with shitty ass adults.

.... Sometimes I do not know what to do with myself. It often feels like I am fighting with myself. Between the quiet, well behaved, polite, brilliant, out together, good "girl" that my mum, dad, older brother, neighborhood, school - society believes me to be. And then... The chaotic, messy, sleep deprived me that enjoys gay fanfic & loves Persona that is well... A guy... That very few people get to know or see.

Since I was young... I knew I was a guy. Hell I think even as little kid before I was even in fucking kindergarten yet, I kewn, I fucking kewn.... But back then I didn't fucking care. I had nothing to lose, I didn't know I could lose anything or what would happen to me. I loved lightning McQueen, wore boyboxers, refused to dress up as a disney princess, I refuse to be the flower girl at my mum's wedding because I quote and I quote; "Wasn't a girl & didn't want to be one." According to my mum... If somebody tried to correct me for behaving unlike a lady I would say something about not being a lady and being confused what was wrong with what I was doing.

But... The doctor told my mum I couldn't wear Boxers anymore, that if she didn't put more effort in correcting my behaviour then I would become a "freak" RIGHT in fucking front of me to, acting like I COULDN'T hear them or known what was going on. Yet I still fucking remember that moment I remember feeling my heart drop, being so confused, that I was doing something wrong. I wasn't even in fucking PRESCHOOL yet... I never fucking forgot that and I never, NEVER, fucking will forget that moment. That GODDAMN AWFUL FEELING.

I had to wear cute lil dresses that I despised to every occasion that could be considered special. Christmas assembly? Dress. School concert? Dress. Parent teacher conferences in schools? Dress. Rewards assembly? Dress. Graduation? Dress. Dress, dress, dress, dress, dress, DRESS. It was always with the fucking dresses, dispute my discomfort, dispute my complaints, I could never escape dresses. ... Ofc if I didn't bitch about the dress I had to wear, I would be given praise, reward for being a "good girl".

.... I think that was when I started to become or pretend to be that quiet, well behaved, polite, brilliant, out together, good "girl" .... My folks for as much as I love them, taught me intentionally that my wants, desires, comfort, even to a point - needs didn't matter. It didn't matter that I wasn't comfortable in dresses, it was expected of me. It didn't matter I could no longer wear the style of underwear I wanted, it was a childish thing for me to be upset about so I was expected it to let go. It didn't matter if I wanted to go by a different name then my birth name because it made me uncomfortable, it was expected of me to use it anyways. It didn't matter I wanted to play baseball with boys in school grounds after school, an up and coming lady wouldn't do that... That was expected of me. It didn't matter if I didn't understand a subject in class, it was expected of me to understand. Being quiet, not speaking out when something made me uncomfortable and/or I didn't like, being smart meant I was a good girl. And good girls get showered with praise, headpats, a "good job.", a "proud of you", take to McDonald's so you could have happy meal with a burger AND chicken nuggets.

And yet... I still giggly whenever someone calls me a guy, bro, man, ect. Dispute everything... I am still me. I am still a dude. I want to hate, scream at, despise my younger self for not fighting back. Take him by shoulder, shake him repeatedly screaming; "FIGHT BACK. SPEAK UP. PLEASE, PLEASE SPEAK UP FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING." I want to fucking hate Charlotte, stab em repeatedly multiple times if given the opportunity. But I can't, I simply can't.... Charlotte is a victim, somebody forced to become they're not. Someone that was wrong, hurt, betrayed by the people that was supposed to protect and guide him. Charlotte.... Is me.

I can't hate the actions and behaviours that past me took to appease the adults in my life, Can't hate past me for believing the lies and bullshit I was told since I was little. I simply... Can't. I tried forcing myself to hate that part of me, forcing myself to hate that part of me being trans. But I can't, it only leads to more pain, more stuffering, more tears, more break downs.

.... I'm still very much in a bad situation to come out of the closet. It's not safe in the slightest and still am forced clothing / situations I don't want to be in. The worlds... A really scary place for queer folk, epecially living in America. But... One day. One fucking day. I will have the short messy hair out of my dreams, I will have my own place, I will be able to wear whatever style of clothing I want. I will be safe to be, myself. Not the lie.

The road before that can happen is.... Long. Very, very long. But I'll make sure it happens. Eventually it will. Eventually I'll find another name away from Charlotte or my given that's much closer to who I am - who I want to be. But for now... Hi I'm Charlotte, I'm a guy, maybe a bit of a disaster of one but one none the less. I like Persona, silly lil gay fanfic. I got some issues but that's okay, I'm gonna try swearing less not because I want to be a proper lady but a gentleman.