long ass post ahead where i either drag or validate all possible generation 1 ships.
if you ship: nia x eli
you: probably watch stepbro x stepsis porn. the fact that nia and eli have actually expressed how they see each other as siblings and are extremely uncomfortable with being shipped together says a lot. no one's saying you can't ship, but please.... don't bring it up to either eli or nia.
if you ship: nia x van
you: can't tell the difference between a healthy relationship involving two people of the opposite sex and a romantic one. seriously... this ship is WEIRD.
if you ship: nia x cal
you: ... might be on to something actually. like they don't really have many interactions and they definately aren't as close as the other members are but... if they were to get together... that'd be kinda interesting.
if you ship: nia x asa
you: don't have the WORST taste, but if you ship asa with anyone other than yen, teo, or eli, be prepared to get absolutely slaughtered.
if you ship: nia x ura
you: have taste. emmaculate, actually. the way that they subtly show how much they appreciate each other and how they interact so gently but meaningfully.... could be beautiful if they weren't so close.
if you ship: nia x zim
you: are a basic bitch. everyone ships this. it's one of the biggest ships. it's still a good ship, but it's overdone.
if you ship: nia x yen
you: probably sexualize lesbians TO THE MAX. the only reason why people started shipping them was because they mentioned in an interview how they went through a rough patch during debut era and now everyone writes smut about them hate-fucking smsdjfghs
if you ship: nia x teo
you: probably only ship it platonically. we all know that they have a very sibling-like relationship. it's a wholesome ship if done correctly.
if you ship: zim x eli
you: hm... actually.. it's not that bad. they definitely are bros, but they would be cute together if they weren't in the friendzone. i bet you keep this ship secret tho.
if you ship: zim x teo
you: probably ship this platonically. they are literally best friends! they are so cute! everyone wants a friendship like this!
if you ship: zim x asa
you: are a crack addict. this is just a weird ship. they are just... too bro with each other... the fact that zim has literally referred to asa as her "brother from another mother" has turned most people off from this ship. you have problems.
if you ship: zim x yen
you: probably only stan girl groups including the female triptych units. you also probably are a wlw or apart of the lgbt+ community. we salute you soldier.
if you ship: zim x van
you: are a weirdo UNLESS you ship it platonically, then you're an angel. zim and van have a really cute friendship and we don't need WEIRDOS like you to ruin that.
if you ship: zim x cal
you: are good at making something out of nothing. zim and cal literally have no public content of them together. there's like 1 selca taken on zim's iphone 4s back in 2014. sometimes they'll be in the same frame together if you squint. you are literally eating crumbs.
if you ship: zim x ura
you: are good at reading people. the way ura feels so comfortable around zim is super heartwarming and you KNOW ura isn't like that with anyone, which means what zim and ura have must be special.
if you ship: yen x eli
you: hate asayen shippers. you tried to one-up them with this crackship, but its honestly just not working out. yen and eli don't have a whole lot of public content. keep reaching tho.
if you ship: yen x teo
you: probably think someone likes you if they complimented you once. teo and yen are on good terms and clearly they enjoy each other's presence, but c'mon... there's literally nothing there.
if you ship: yen x asa
you: are a DETECTIVE. people have been analyzing asa and yens relationship since the dawn of time and you are probably no exception. asayen moments compliations are in your 'watch later' playlist on youtube. we been knew sis.
if you ship: yen x van
you: think ketchup is spicy. all these van x female member ships are so weird, especially when van has hinted that he doesn’t want anyone sexualizing his friendship with the female members. yen and van have a good relationship, but it's obvious they are just friends. open ya eyes.
if you ship: yen x cal
you: have been fighting asayen shippers since day ONE. you know that cal and yen are close, but how close are they really? you probably love conspiracy videos. you also can't be wrong about anything.
if you ship: yen x ura
you: have the best fic recommendations. probably own an ao3 account. yen and ura together would be absolutely powerful. y'all aren't loud either, despite it being a pretty popular ship. arguably one of the best ships.
if you ship: eli x teo
you: are a veteran. eli and teo have been shipped since the dawn of time. i bet you used to stay up late just so you could watch go getters on youtube right when it dropped. good times.
if you ship: eli x asa
you: are a veteran, but a boomer. you probably sexualize the fuck out of this beautiful friendship. we all know you're a gay fetishizer, we're just waiting on you to say it with your chest.
if you ship: eli x ura
you: deserve jail time. i'm not even going to talk about this anymore. literally gagging.
if you ship: eli x cal
you: are constantly fighting other people who ship this. please stop asking who is the big spoon and who is the little spoon because y'all KNOW they are both the little spoon.
if you ship: eli x van
you: used to ship eli x asa but then realized that there are better things out there... like eli x van. a really cute relationship and eli himself has even admitted that he'd date van. you aren't THAT delusional. only a little.
if you ship: asa x van
you: read one teacher x student fanfiction featuring these two and decided you vibed with it. i mean... they just don't really seem relationship compatible? like as friends, yeah, they're great... as lovers?? imma have to pass.
if you ship: asa x cal
you: are probably chaotic evil. why would you want the two most chaotic people in this whole fucking group to get together?? what's going on at home??? is everything okay???
if you ship: asa x ura
you: just won a free trip to therapy.
if you ship: teo x van
you: probably have them married on the sims. you love the idea of them being domestic and cute together. you have great taste.
if you ship: teo x cal
you: believe in magic. teo and cal are so awkward around each other. notice how cal still uses honorifics with teo, but he's stopped using them with the other older members? hm. interesting. better get those eyes checked.
if you ship: teo x ura
you: have daddy issues that you never sought help for and now you're projecting it onto two innocent people. leave them alone. they HAVE A BROTHER/SISTER RELATIONSHIP!!!!!! IT’S ONE STEP AWAY FROM BEING INCEST!!!! GROSS!!!!!
if you ship: van x ura
you: are currently behind bars! congratulations! rot! van protects ura from people like you. both of them are uncomfortable with being shipped. leave. them. alone.
if you ship: van x cal
you: are the pure friend in the friend group. no one's gonna invalidate your ship honey. keep your head up.
if you ship: cal x ura
you: only ship it platonically and probably are living vicariously through cal and ura to help you get over a toxic friendship. oops, was that too personal? anyways, you are valid. just don't ship it romantically and you'll still have possession of your human rights card.
