#trogkeeper

[incorrecthsrquotes]

Keeper of Trogdor: And this is thy father’s sword.

Rather Dashing: Um, My father never had a sword. He sat out the whole war after running of to Troll Country.

Keeper: Oh. (beat) Yea, that’s right. Why in the blazes did I have this thing, then? (nonchalantly tosses the sword into the woods, where something squeaks loudly as it lands)​

[incorrecthsrquotes]

Worchex: (offering the Trogsword) This blade blesses its wielder with unfathomable power! Rather Dashing: What kind of power? Worchex: Unfafomble... unfaf... without fathom.

[incorrecthsrquotes]

No one talks about how depressed you get after fulfilling the prophecy.

Hardybardy, bored and restless after Trogdor's latest rampage

[incorrecthsrquotes]

Hardybardy: Welcome to my dark and foreboding lair filled with candles in extremely impractical positions!

Hardbardy: *turns and his robe instantly catches on fire*

[incorrecthsrquotes]

Worchex: He'll be here tonight, as the sun has cast its last shadow upon the Earth and the crescent moon is risen above the eastern ridge.

Hardybardy: So, like nine o'clock?

Worchex: (sighs) Yes, Hardybardy, he'll be here at nine o'clock.

[incorrecthsrquotes]

Trogkeeper: What... is your name?

Rather Dashing: I am Rather Dashing!

Trogkeeper: What... is your quest?

Rather Dashing: I seek to slay Trogdor the Burninator!

Trogkeeper: What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Rather Dashing: What do you mean? African or European?

Trogkeeper: I don't know... (gets zapped by dark magicks)

[incorrecthsrquotes]

Rather Dashing: So, how do I kill Trogdor anyway?

Trogkeeper: You can't just kill Trogdor!

Rather Dashing: Oh, sorry, I didn't mean...

Trogkeeper: No, you literally can't kill Trogdor. He's deathless!

[incorrecthsrquotes]

Keeper of Trogdor: Greetings, Rather Daring!

Rather Dashing: How did you almost know my name?

Keeper of Trogdor: I have approximate knowledge of many things.