#troll sheriff

[thequantumlyunstableman]

No One Will Listen to Pem 9-15 Oct

"And why is that?" Tam asked.

"Because the Lowarden are cruel and devious creatures. You've seen the technology they use."

"I've seen their defensive devices that activated because we crossed into their territory."

"You're taking their side!? They kidnapped your jubel!"

"Gerbil," Tam corrected. "And we don't know why they took it. Maybe they tried to save its life."

"Save its life?" Pem laughed. "These are the Lowardens we're talking about here. They don't save lives. They take them."

Tam looked ready to argue, but the Sheriff jumped in. "What about deputies? What about my people? Can we still save them?"

"Maybe," Pem said. "But the smarter thing would be for us to turn around now and for me to take you back home. You should forget this."

"Forget about my people?" the Sheriff was appalled. "Forget about my friends? I can't believe you would suggest such a thing!"

"I'm suggesting you choose life over throwing it away," Pem replied. "There's no reason for any more of us to do die today."

"I thought you said they were still alive."

"Maybe. For now. But if the Lowardens have them, they won't be for long."

"Well, then we should stop wasting time and go get them," the Sheriff said.

"I aagree," I told them. "Our friends need saving."

"Why won't any of you listen to me?" Pem asked. "There is danger ahead."

"There's always danger, that doesn't mean we should avoid it. If you want to leave, Pem, then go ahead. We're not going to force you to go with us to save people you don't know."

"And abandon a bunch of landbreathers in the middle of the ocean as the face against dangers they are clueless about?" he replied. "What kind of man would that make me?"

"Don't pressure yourself into..." I tried to say, but he cut me off. "Let's just do this."

"Finally," Tam grumbled and we began to swim forward, the four of us that were left.

But it wasn't long before they said, "We're being followed."

"What?" I asked, looking around.

"Don't look, you idiot."

But it was too late, I had already looked and, worse, they had seen that I looked. And, so, they attacked.

to be continued next week

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[thequantumlyunstableman]

Off to Save a Gerbil 11-17 Sep

"So we're agreed. We're going to go find out who that is and we're going to save them."

"Unless that someone turns out to be something horrible that wants to kill us," Tam said. "And then we will all die."

"We just escaped from something horrible that wanted to kill us. We want to go back to something horrible that wants to kill us. When isn't there something horrible that wants to kill us? That's the life we live. We might as well try to save someone while we're at it."

"You win, Frank. We're going to go risk our lives and the future of the omnibrane for some stupid gerbil. Let's just do it already."

"Thank you," I said before turning to the Sheriff. "If you and your deputies are too tired to come, they don't have to. We've got this."

"Whether it's Gnomenasher or your friends," the Sheriff replied, "we're in as well. We came to help get you home. We're not quitting now."

"Well, I'm not going," Haf said.

"Oh, thanks," Pem grumbled. "You know one of us is going to have to go with them until they're out of here."

"You'd rather deal with the LeechVine that doesn't realize its people now? Because if you would..."

"No," Pem stopped her there. "I'll deal with the bipeds. You can have the leechvine all to yourself."

Haf gave him an insincere smiled. "You're so kind."

So Pem led us down to the garage where we piled into what resembled a hovercraft if a craft was meant to be underwater. There was no top, only a windshield, presumably to protect us from drag, except in this case the drag was coming from water not wind. So I guess that makes it a watershield.

We sailed off into the ocean. It was a bit of a new experience for me, driving around under the sea without a roof over my head. But as far as strangeness goes, it really barely registered compared to the rest of the trip. I was driving out to save a giant gerbil with a bunch of trolls and a surly timetraveler. Who knew what awaited us when we got there?

to be continued next week

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[thequantumlyunstableman]

Where's the Giant Gerbil 28 Aug-3 Sep

"No way?" the merwoman laughed. "Really?"

The Sheriff glared at her "Yes, really. Not only do we care greatly for him. But Gnomenasher is also a magic finder. He can sniff it out miles away. We'll never be able to find the portal without him. "The portal is invisible and over open water. There are no landmarks. Without Gnomenasher, we'll be stuck here!"

"Well, no one wants that," Haf said. "But if he is a airbreather like you, then I don't know what to tell you. It must be too late by now."

"She does have a point," I said. "We lost contact with him when we were on the island. The island's gone now. I think we may have lost him."

The trolls were quiet for a few moments, then the Sheriff said, "Fine. If there's nothing we can do about it, then there's nothing we can do. But that still leaves the problem of getting home. Without Gnomenasher, how are we going to find the portals home?"

"We should be able to find your portals," Haf said.

"We can?" Pem asked.

"Sure. We just use our satellites to search for exotic matter."

"Assuming that the portals are always open," I said, "as I guess we hope they are. they should be expelling some form of matter at all times. Even if they're just on the subatomic level, something should be coming out, like an accretion disc on a black hole."

"Whatever that means," the Sheriff said. "But will it work?"

"I don't know," Pem replied, "but it's certainly worth a shot."

We all swam off to their communications laboratory where dozens of other merpeople were working. As we made our way toward the lab, it was strange seeing all this mermen and merwomen and merchildren just living their lives. They were strange and exotic to me, but here I was the strange one. Though I think they found the trolls even stranger than me.

Pem swam up to the machine and moved a few columns. The crystal display bursted into life. "That should do it."

"This is us," Haf said, pointing at one of the dots. "So presumably that is you. This one is near where we found you, so that must be the portal."

"Wait," I said. "That's us. That's the portal. Then what," I said pointing to the third dot on the screen, "is this one?"

to be continued next week

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[thequantumlyunstableman]

Tendrils like Tree Trunks 15-21 May

Toleuk's eyes slowly opened, but only half-way. She was still very groggy. The tendrils had sucked out too much of her lifeforce. "Come on," I told her, trying to pull her up. "You have to get up. We have to get out of here."

"Huh...?" she mumbled.

"We have to go! We have to go right now!"

"Go...?"

"Yes, we nee..."

Then tendrils began to erupt from the ground! They were larger tendrils, thick like tree trunks, and they began to tear the ground beneath us apart as they bursted out into the surface. "Up! Up! Up!" I yelled at Toleuk and thankfully she started to get to her feet. "Come on! Come on!"

"I am, I am," she said. Her voice was barely more than a whisper. Her movements were almost in slow motion. I looked to the others. They weren't doing much better. Tam was trying to get Domoban to his feet. Crag had one of the deputies up, I couldn't see which. We were all so weak, but the tendrils they were going strong and the ground was being pulverized from below. It would be gone soon enough.

"We need to move," Tam said, coming toward me, holding Domoban up. "What's our plan to get out of here?"

"Our plan?" I replied.

"Yes. Where's that magician friend of yours? Or Kink? Do you have a transport?"

"Are you kidding me?" I said. "We have a gerbil, that's it."

"A gerbil?" Tam growled. "You came to rescue me with a gerbil!?"

"It's a really large gerbil." I pointed over to where the Sheriff amidst the tree trunk tendrils had crawled over to Gnomenasher.

"Oh, great another thing we have to carry!"

"We need to go!" Crag yelled, two deputies leaning on him. "We have to get out of this cave."

"I don't know if climbing is going to be enough"

"There has to be somewhere on this island that is safe."

"I doubt that," Tam said. "I don't think this is an island at all."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Crag asked.

"It means," Tam said, "that I'm pretty sure that this creature is actually the entire island."

to be continued next week

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[thequantumlyunstableman]

Frank Gets Stuck with the B-Team 13-19 Feb

"I'm sorry, Sheriff," Crag replied. "I didn't mean it."

"For that, I'm putting you and Domoban on a team. The two of you and Frank will head down that way. The rest will come with me down the other way. We'll meet on the other side of the island."

"What?" Domoban exclaimed. "You're going to put me with just one deputy and a little human? I'm just a cobbler!"

"You're a troll, Domoban. So act like it," the Sheriff retorted harshly. "You'll be fine. Now, hurry, Gnomenasher could be in danger." The Sheriff led his team down the beach.

"Don't worry," I told Domoban. "We'll be all right. I'm sure there's nothing here we can't handle."

"Really?" Crag asked. "We just got attacked by little squirrels and they almost had us beat."

I glared up at him. "We'll be fine."

I definitely was feeling I got stuck with the B team. It wasn't filling me with much confidence as we started walking down the beach. I glanced back at the retreating sheriff and his two deputies and I wished I could've gone with them. Instead I was stuck with Domoban Rosef the well-pierced cobbler and Crag, the deputy he couldn't get along with. This was going to go well.

Surprisingly we weren't immediately attacked by any crazed beasts or giant monsters. There weren't any traps around to harm us. Domoban and Crag even got along. If 'got along' could mean 'stayed quiet and didn't interact with each other'.

Even more shocking, it seemed as if we had managed to reach the other side of the island without incident, not one thing tried to kill us. We didn't see Gnomenasher either, so it wasn't all good news. Plus, the others hadn't arrived. "Maybe we're not there yet," Domoban said.

"It is hard to be sure," Crag agreed. "It's not as if there's any real way to tell besides eyeballing it. We should keep going."

So we kept going, but there was still no sign of them. "We must've crossed halfway by now," I said.

"We might not have," Crag said.

"Maybe the sheriff found 'im and decided to circle back?" Domoban suggested.

"Without sending someone to tell us?" I asked. "I doubt it."

"Yeah," Crag agreed. "The Sheriff wouldn't do that."

"Maybe they got held up?" I offered hearing the worry in Crag's voice.

"Held up by what?" Domoban asked.

"I'm just saying, I'm sure they're fine. That we shouldn't worry."

"Who's worrying?" He replied making it very clear that the answer to that question was him.

"I am," Crag said, starting ro walk quickly down the beach. "We should keep going. They might need us."

"Need us? Need us to what?"

to be continued next week

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[thequantumlyunstableman]

Domoban Doesn't Do His Job Feb 6-12

I grabbed one on my shoulder and pulled him off, throwing him out into the forest and before he was out of my hand another had jumped down. "We need to do something!" I yelled.

"Any ideas?" the sheriff replied.

"I'd hoped you had some."

I tried to bat them off. Toleuk dropped to the ground and began rolling around. Two deputies tried to pick the creatures off of each other. Suddenly, we heard a loud yell and we all turned to see a massive form coming racing toward us. It was Domoban, charging at us like a wild rhinoceros. "I'll save you!" he roared, barreling into us.

The little squirrel creatures were fast enough to get out of the way. Unfortunately, I was not. Domoban came barreling into me, knocking me hard into a tree. He then tripped over Toleuk and went flying into the other two deputies.

The Sheriff went stomping over to his fallen form. "What the hell are you doing here?" "

I came to rescue you," he said.

"Rescue us? I told you to stay with Gnomenasher!"

"But," Domoban said, sitting up, "I heard screams."

The Sheriff sighed. "Let's go back and make sure Gnomenasher is still there."

"Go back!?" one of the deputies repeated, aghast. "But we just got out here!"

"And if something happens to Gnomenasher, we'll be stuck out here."

And so we retreated back the way we came. It was disheartening how quickly we reached the end of the forest. But when we reached the beach, it was empty. No one was there. We looked left and right. Up and down te beach. And nothing.

"Oh, no," the sheriff said. "Where is he?" Toleuk asked.

Domoban rushed to the edge of the island and looked down to the sea. "Gnomenasher!

"I hope he didn't go down there," I said.

"Me neither," the sheriff. "Eitherwise, we might never be able to find him again. And if we can't find him, we'll be stuck here. Forever."

"And it'll be all your fault, Domoban," one of the deputies said.

"Don't do that, Crag," the Sheriff said. "How many times have I warned you not to be mean to the people we're supposed to be protecting?"

to be continued next week

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[thequantumlyunstableman]

The Jungle on the Island in the Middle of the Ocean 30 Jan-5 Feb

I reached out for her hand and her giant hand enveloped mine. It looked like a child taking the hand of their parent. With relative ease, she pulled me up onto the land. When she put me down, I feel right to my knees. I was so tired and so grateful. I kissed the ground. Then I looked up at here, with sand sticking to my face, I told her, "Thank you."

She blushed. "Just part of the job."

"Where are we?" one of the deputies said. I looked past the trolls and beyond the beach where we sat. There was a jungle beyond it. "I don't know," the Sheriff said. "Frank?"

I looked at him, then the jungle, and then turned back to the ocean. I then rose to me feet and faced him again. "I guess we only really have one choice. We go into the jungle."

"The jungle," the Sheriff said with a sigh. "Trolls aren't really made for jungle."

"You made any better for the ocean?"

The Sheriff snorted. "Jungle it is." He turned the well-pierced man. "Domoban, stay with Gnomenasher."

"With your gerbil? OUt here!? You mean I came here for nothing?"

"I need someone to watch that gerbil. It's the only way we're getting back home."

"Fine," Domoban said. "But if I hear any screaming, I'm coming in to rescue you."

The Sheriff chuckled. "Deal."

"All right," I said. "Let's go find my friends."

"All right, deputies," the Sheriff said. "Let's go!" and into the forest we went.

As we went, I paid especially close attention to the trees, keeping my eyes open for any possible suspicious movement or behavior. After the last forest I was in turned out to be a monster in hiding, I wasn't going to chance it. No more forestmonsters for me thanks.

"So," Toleuk said after we had been walking for a while. "How are we planning on finding these people?"

"I don't know," I said.

"You don't know?" she sounded surprised. "You don't have any ideas?"

"I figured we'd just look around until something found us."

"Found us?"

"I don't tend to need to go out looking for trouble. Trouble usually just finds me." And as if on cue, that was when trouble found us.

Little creatures falling from the canopy, dropping on us. Biting us, scratching us, grabbing and pulling. They were only the size of squirrels and looked even smaller on the massive bulk of the trolls, but they were everywhere! There were at least a half of a dozen on me, maybe two dozen on the sheriff, and there was nothing we could do to shake them off.

to be continued next week

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[thequantumlyunstableman]

The Floating Island 23-29 Jan

"We have to run!" one of the deputies exclaimed. "Swim. Whatever. We have to go now!"

"No," the Sheriff told him. "If it's going to attack us, it's going to attack us. We can't outswim whatever that is. We need to stand as one to fight it."

"But we can't stand," Toleuk said. "We're stuck in the ocean and the ground is far beneath us."

The Sheriff gave her a side eye that would have been far more effective if we weren't all be splashed by giant waves.

As it got closer and closer, it got bigger and bigger. Escaping it seemed more and more impossible. It wasn't a single rowboat that we could separate and stay away from. It was...it was...an island? A floating...island?

The Sheriff began to swim toward it. There was a small rocky outcropping before you reached the beach. The sheriff climbed it. When he reached the beach, he sat down and waved toward us. "Come on," he said. We needed no more encouragement.

We all began swimming toward the floating island, but I was quickly caught in the wake of the trolls, pushed back and forth. They were all bigger and stronger and I could not compete against the length of their strokes. I could barely stay afloat against their wake. I almost drowned again as the swam past me.

I finally was able to resurface as they trolls began to climb onto the floating island. I watched them as I caught my breath. They climbed up it with ease, just a few handholds and they were onto the island.

I swam over as the last one was climbing up. I looked up at the island. From down here, it looked a lot higher. I was tired and my arms were fatigued, but I started climbing anyway. One hand on top of the other. I pulled as hard as I could. But I was tired and my feet couldn't find any purchase, not with the waves crashing down on me. I didn't think I was going to make it.

And then I saw a massive hand appear in my line of sight. I looked up at Toleuk leaning down above me. "Come on, little guy. Let me help."

to be continued next week

or everyday on @QuantumUnstable