Day 202: Update IV (or IIII – You Decide)
I've got a lot on my mind about my situation and living across the ocean so I'm going to take the unprecedented step of ranting and using my sarcasm instead of my wit. Let us chalk it up to the fact that even the most positive and uplifting people have off days – consider this one of mine. I'm a very opinionated woman and I'm not afraid of offending anyone. I don't mean to say that I wish to offend people, but if I offend in the process then so be it ::author of this post shrugs:: My views are not radical but I do manage to get peoples' hackles up when I express my views about Life, love, my goals and the world. If ever you find you don't agree with my view and want to argue with me, just remember: we're each entitled to our own opinion, and my opinion is you're wrong.
On a very positive note: Life seems to be moving steadily forward. I've a decent job now, have gotten my finances in order and I know what Unies I want to apply to. All this has been accomplished in a relatively short period of time but the job of getting things done is never over. Now I need to obtain that supplementary employment. Once I've achieved that, it will go some way towards making the inevitable happen.
I've been banging on about my diet for a while now to my mates but I haven't said a great deal about it here. The truth is, I'm not supposed to feel ill off and on throughout the day or when looking at food; but I often do feel ill and when looking at food. At the supermarket, I'm struck by the pictures of food on the outside of a cereal box or package of cookies (I have to hand it to the photographers – they do a superb job and make that food look edible!!) but I get physically nauseated by them. I'm not sure how much of this is psychological. I can honestly say it's not an eating disorder: My weight is steady, I eat when my tummy growls, I don't obsess about my weight and I don't do scales – if you must know, I use a favourite pair of trousers!! The positive thing about being put off my 'usual' diet is that I've lost all the weight I put on earlier this year (I was snacking for boredom and comfort); I've completely changed the way I eat, what I eat and portion sizes. While I don't mind being put off food (let's face it, most of the stuff out there is only food-like) and I'm not concerned about weight loss, I simply don't like feeling ill. Falling short of another singular rant about the healthcare system in this country, I'll just say my GP was ill-equipped to assist me in this area when consulted.
Every week, I realise I've been very fortunate in the small handful of mates who clearly understand I'm English. I also enjoy bringing people down a few notches who speak of my accent as marking me out as a yank (I've fooled yanks into thinking I'm Canadian so that's clearly a fallacy); you see, I'm very good friends with two people whose accents belying their 'real' nationality – the 'american' mate is really English and must work on a green card while the 'English' mate sounds like a yank.
Even my use of language on social media has been commented on by mates (both here and at home) with both sides agreeing it becomes me. I don't put it on; it's how I speak in real life – and for the record I never contrive an English accent as that's just silly unless you're an actor/actress with a top-notch linguistic coach. As a side note: if you're a yank and ever get the inclination to impress a Brit in this way, please don't. You're not funny, you're not cute; you're annoying (think of Dick Van Dyke from Mary Poppins) and stereotypically american.
One of my colleagues lately said I'd lose my British slang soon enough, which shows how much they clearly do not understand me. Poor daft sod. It's a good thing I like this person; because they are in no position to make such a statement. I'll allow that this was said out of general ignorance; yet it greatly offended me ::author putting her nose in the air::
I've said it before numerous times and I'll say it again: this is not my home; England is my home and always will be. In fact, one of my best mates lately told me, 'you're one of us now' while one of my colleagues told me that I'm English and don't belong here. On a deep psychological level, I've the strongest aversion to saying, 'I'm going home' at the end of the day because this isn't my bloody home. I use the phrase, 'going back to _______.' I freely admit to saying the other once in a while just to make a point, but knowing I'm going to say 'home' and the sound of the lie rankles inside – I want to shake it off like the unwanted advances of my ex boyfriend. This whole scenario reminds me of the Bible verse which says, 'Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen' (Ephesians 4:29). I don't think I'm taking it out of context even in this instance. For me to call my present location 'home' is unwholesome because it is feeding a lie (not only to other people but to myself), implying a sense of permanence which does not pertain to me and one which I neither feel nor embrace – I refer you to the title of my blog and the fact that I will be leaving again in the relatively near future.
4-July is also upon us all so I feel impelled to write a little something as I have views on america's flag: 1) My favourite (and the first real american flag) is Don't Tread on Me, with the snake – it featured in an episode of Bugs Bunny (Yankee Doodle Hare: 1954); 2) I don't have a problem with the handful of yanks who believe it's okay to burn the flag – it's just a piece of decorated cloth that can be made/bought again.
I think I've unburdened my mind enough this evening and actually feel better for having been honest. I know I've said some things people don't like, but as the saying in Yorkshire goes, 'take me as ye find me or bugger off.'
'I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.' – Philippians 4:13
'All dreams come true if we have the courage to pursue them.' – Unknown
'God give him grace to groan.' – Shakespeare Love's Labour's Lost, Act IV, scene I
'No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.' – Charles Dickens
'Great things never came from comfort zones.' – Unknown
'Life is not fair, but God is always faithful.” – Unknown
'H.O.P.E. = Hold On. Pain Ends' – Seen on Tim Fargo's Twitter page
'If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it.' – Jonathan Winters
'Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.' – Howard Thurman
'Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we catch excellence.' – Vince Lombardi
'Don't judge me by my past. I don't live there anymore!' – Unknown