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The right people will give you time to trust them. If someone is pushy about trusting them, then they're not healthy for you. As for the people who really want someone to trust them and are frustrated when it takes a while: would you skip a new movie you really want to see directly to the last scene? No, of course not. Give it time, what's the rush?
Yes, hello, refund the trust I once gave you and while you're at it, refund my secrets too.
Silent Rain
About trust...
I read a lot of things about trust, most times I heard something like trust is to believe in what the other person says, not doubting about them and so.
I have trust-issues, a lot, so I find very difficult to believe what people say without analyzing it once or twice (or more?) So... For me, trust isn't like that, it would be nice to be able to trust like some people told me "it should be".
But, for me, if I trust you, and you tell me something I can't completely believe, or if there's something that makes me feel like I should "protect" myself... I will tell you. "You mean this thing you said to me?" "I'm kinda scared about this", things like that.
Because that's a huge thing for me. To say something that my mind sees as a warning, something that could end up in me being hurt but that I'm, even so, letting you know for you to explain or discard it...
I don't want to be "too naive" again, to be the one who got fooled because is just too stupid to notice things.
But if I'm risking myself to be hurt again, is because you're important to me and I'm trusting you, in the way I can.
I’ve already shut you out of my mind completely.. You don’t just get to come back.
kurtcohbain (1/16/15)
Now that I read about dissociation and so... I remember I always try to evade hugs when I feel like that.
I feel like out of my body, like being slightly above it but not entirely separated, and being suddenly hugged always made me feel like... Unsafe.
I mean, I remember my father doing so, I was unable to control my emotions and he came where I was hiding (roof, I always went there to be away from everyone) and hugged me and I was fighting because it made it all worse, but he won't let me go till I calmed down. And I calmed down... But it still felt wrong, somehow.
And also he always say these words: "I am sorry".
Maybe that's why I don't trust in those words, or in most words, anyway. lol
Why would I trust in words if they will keep doing the same anyway? "I am sorry..." ... -Sigh-. And still I always feel guilty because I made them apologize. lol
When I feel like this, I want to be the one asking for a hug if I want it, or need it... But, probably I won't ask for it anyway. lol
... ... ... -Sigh-. It kind of bothers me my trust-issues, can't help but feel bad because I can't trust people and I prefer to don't open totally to them because, well, it isn't nice to be hurt again and again, right?
I'm mumbling, I should go to sleep already.
