The broken mind

Here we say whatever we want to say. We discuss and solve problems. We created this as our safe place.

[this-is-shut-down-go-away]

...What if I do get tired?

[this-is-shut-down-go-away]

bizarremonkey

“why is your post trending and why are you complaining to a pit of insects like tumblr about your dumb insecurities, everyones just gonna try to help, realize they cant because they arent a qualified psychologist, then tell you to go see a psychologist but ill just tell you to fuck off because i dont want your depressing shit on my dashboard”

_

First, I don’t even know why you say this is trending because this blog is basically to vent about stuff and I know that almost no one reads this shit, so I can vent whatever the fuck I want.

Don’t want to see my stuff (I seriously wonder how did you find this. lol), BLOCK ME. Like, seriously, do me a favor a block me, I don’t need your shit here. If your life is so miserable you want to try to make others feel bad when they vent, you have a biggest problem than me, so I’m not the only one who needs a psychologist.

[this-is-shut-down-go-away]

Maybe I just to sign in on a psych ward and stay there.

And just disappear.

I haven’t cut myself in almost two years and I screw it up five or six days ago. lol

But I feel really bad and then there’s a moment when I’m not me, I’m pain, I’m just pain...

And there’s so many things on my mind, how I’m not good enough, how I can’t get a good job or finish the things I want, how I failed at keeping my family together, how now I’m worrying my little sister, or how that fuckin’ girl is again around and how much I hate it, and hate her, and how I just... I won’t be able to stand it for much longer.

And I don’t know what I’ll do at that point.

I just want to shoot myself and none of these things will be a problem anymore.

I just want to die so badly...

[this-is-shut-down-go-away]

It’s a bit bothersome that I get too anxious? emotional? whenever she’s upset at me.

I don’t like it..

[this-is-shut-down-go-away]

I would say “Can I just die?”, but I think that’s quite selfish and would harm some people...

I just want to stop feeling like this.

[this-is-shut-down-go-away]

That old feeling of wanting to die. lol

[transbian-tronbreon]

suddenly depression again.

[wanderingoncarousel]

Why does living have to be associated with fighting to live?

[this-is-shut-down-go-away]

I just couldn’t ask. lol

Why it has to affect me how that person thinks of me? I mean, okay, it always affects me how a person thinks about me but... Being called so many bad things... Sometimes just makes me wonder if I’m really like that. lol

[this-is-shut-down-go-away]

So... Feeling bad again. lol

Like, some months I’m fine and can deal with the world. And others, like now, I’m just a sobbing mess who’s hurt with even the tiniest thing. lol

I hate feeling like this.

[this-is-shut-down-go-away]

I know it would be extremely egoist from me to tell her to stop talking to her.

But I can’t understand why she would want to remain friends with someone who has talked so bad about her so often, someone who used abusive’s methods to stay with her, all that she’s aware of. Someone who treated me horribly too (and it hurts because she didn’t defended me whenever she said bad things about me...) Someone who constantly wanted me to think I was nothing to her and that she was her everything.

So, yes, I’m mad as fuck knowing they talk often, because I do know. 

[this-is-shut-down-go-away]

A este punto no puede quejarse de que me llegue al pincho con todas las cosas que ha hecho.

Y yo no disculpo tan fácilmente como ella lo hace.

Somehow I /KNOW/ when they’re talking and makes me so fuckin’ mad. lolololololol

[this-is-shut-down-go-away]

Being complete and utterly honest.

I don’t want her back in her life. Not at all.

She always act as if she hadn’t done any wrong shit, and be all like “Oh, yesss, I love you and care about you and want us to be together again!”

Fuck that.

She always get mad for whatever stupid thing and say horrible things about her.

And it fuckin’ bothers me when she gets treated with so much kindness because she doesn’t deserve it.

But, then... Isn’t my decision. So I just have to suck it up if she decides to give her another opportunity.

[distantdissociative]

Ramble about large system

I remember when I first got diagnosed and there was like five of us we knew of

Now we are starting to reach 50 counting fragments, at this point I can’t even be bothered to go into denial over it, some crazy new guy shows up, the headaches come and go and the number steadily goes up and nothing phases me anymore. I bet if i got possessed by a legit demon I wouldn’t even blink. Just “Oh a demon from hell? Cool, we dont have one of those yet”

[this-is-shut-down-go-away]

Kind of makes me laugh because when I was quiiiite younger, and I first contacted with one of us, I remember it was something like “possessed by a demon”, and there was a LARGE story about it (I don’t know it has to do with the fact that my family actually thought I was possessed because I wasn’t “the same that before”), and he acted quite a lot like a dick except few times.

But, yeah, sometimes it’s like “I don’t know who the fuck was that but I guess I’ll know about them at some point”. (?)

[this-is-shut-down-go-away]

I really don’t think any of us could do something like kill anyone...

Not even him.

I may not know about all of us but... If it were like that, it wouldn’t have happened before? Something along the lines?

It kind of hurts...

[this-is-shut-down-go-away]

I wasn't on the dream as a character exactly. But more like a floating thing (?) There was a simple plastic bag with chocolate inside, filled chocolated, lots of flavours. And those were like the moments my Bunny and I spent together. And in other bag were like... Squared chocolate? Like cube-shaped? And those symbolize the bunny had with her best friend. And she was like choosing, and choose the latter. And I was sad and uncomfortable so I woke up.

[this-is-shut-down-go-away]

I think, in part, being able to help makes me feel a bit better.

Even more if I’m helping my little girl.