WTF happened? 08.19.17
That question, or rather.. whats going to happen had been on my mind, in a heavy and slightly distressing way, since may.
In January, I thought I knew exactly what was going to happen. I felt it in my heart. In my center. "Make this investment" it said. And I did. I put everything I was worth on the line. And than I borrowed $400k and added that too. This was proof just how much I trust myself in the world. I than decided to extend my risk by making my investment using options. Options would do two things; 1. It would leverage my bet 100x1. 2. It would expire in August so I would either win big, or lose everything. One way or another, I would know if my heart, was right.
In June my mind stepped in and asked if I had over reacted to this feeling. Over extended myself - and so the struggle began. The doubt slipped into my day to day and to help elevate my doubt, I decided to education myself on option trading. In that process, I discovered the answer to a part of my final 3rd question that I had spent the last 18 months searching for; How am I going to support a family comfortably, working part time, from anywhere in the world? Well. Option trading was it. I found myself a mentor and started to learn more and more. However, during this very same period, I watched my portfolio drop -$100k. -$200k. -$400k. Seriously. I had just lost more than the -$400k of the money that I did not have. I felt like I had not only lost everything I had worked so hard to save my entire life, but I had just put myself into debt of the banks who I borrowed the money from. My adventure was over and I would return to work to pay my debts. I was crushed.
This lesson was educational regarding what is really required to make a profession out of trading in the markets. A strong stomach and an unemotional and non attached view of money is critical. Its not a nice to have, but a must have. With nothing further to lose, I maintained my position and decided to ride it out until the end. I had felt ever feeling you can imagine. Anger. Sadness. Devastation. But I knew that I would eventually rise again so I decided to continue to learn about option trading with one key realization - Throughout this journey, first up and than down, nothing had really changed in my life. Maybe my bank account, but nothing of use or meaning. The incredible swing of fortunes only effected my emotions. Now I understood. Not through some story, but through the actual gain and the actual loss. I had the experiance.
Through my continued education, I learned that with options, I could extend the timing of my trade. This would require I take on my risk, but I could buy myself some additional time. So that is what I have done. I have bought myself until November. What will happen is anyone's guess. But I do know one thing for certain. I am someone greater for my experiences and this can never be stripped away from me. I also know that I will keep trading. Not for the emotional highs and lows and not for the money. But for the opportunity to live out my dream to work from anywhere in the world and to provide a sustainable living for those who I love and for the opportunity to promote sustainable solutions that will improve our world.