Truth #2
There are moments in the day where I zone out and all I can think about is his touch on my skin, his breath on my neck, and I cannot think of anything else. Why is this a problem? Doesn't everyone have sexual thoughts or imagined fantasies at one time or another? Yes, I'm sure they do. The problem with mine is that they can never be satisfied and so they consume me. My words stick in my throat when I see him. My hands become chained to my side with immobility. I want to wish the world away for a moment. Long enough to be enraptured in his arms and breathes in by his lips. The problem with desire is the reality is never equal to the hyped up rendition inside your head. It's like porn. There's the stuff that's just too hardcore when the chick is being attacked at every angle, flipped around or bent in half to please the guy who is watching her. Then there's the actual translation to it. When you try to be a version of that chick- you see the stretch marks on my stomach, my hair gets caught under your arm pulling out strands from my scalp, the bed springs creak throwing off the sensuality of the moment, somewhere a car alarm blares and I have lost my excited anticipation. While he may be able to finish quickly, I lie there waiting for the seduction and exhilaration that will never come for me. Movies write these scenes out like candy for people who cannot find their moments in real life. We crave it, seek it out again and again, live inside our heads at the idea that one day we could be touched like that again... if only once.
