#truthfulmel

[my-attempt-at-recovery]

Truth #17

People say that when someone's suicidal, they often times feel like a burden. I once questioned that. Wondered how someone could ever feel so misplaced or so "wrong" that they wanted to end their lives. But now I understand. And I wish I didn't.

[my-attempt-at-recovery]

Truth #11

I'm scared I'm not worthy of recovery. Because I'm not something you want to save.

[my-attempt-at-recovery]

Truth #10

My reason to stay safe every week is my promise to my psychologist. Maybe I'll eventually be able to see all the reasons. But for now that's enough.

[my-attempt-at-recovery]

Truth #12

I sometimes wonder if I should change the fact that my profile says "mental health recovery". Because that makes it seem like I'm some kind of role model??? I'm really not. Everyday I question if I should really be trying to recover. The answer is yes, but I certainly do not always see that.

[my-attempt-at-recovery]

Truth #9

I'm at a point where I genuinely don't believe I can get better. And just saying that makes me emotional. Because I want to get better. So badly. But it feels like these mental illnesses have the strongest hold me. It feels like I'm losing. And I'm scared. And unbearably sad. I don't know what to do, or what my next steps should be anymore. I don't even have the motivation to think of that. Damn it.

[my-attempt-at-recovery]

Truth #8

My psychiatrist suggested a group I could start going to, but he said I would probably have to stop seeing my psychologist while I’m doing that group. But to be honest the thought of that scares me. I feel like she contributes so much to my recovery. I can’t imagine not seeing her at this point... she’s my partner in crime... There’s no way I can just stop seeing her right now, especially because my mood has been extra low recently.

[my-attempt-at-recovery]

Truth #6

I’m really fucking scared that things will never get better. And I know that sounds irrational. And I know that my psychologist is a professional and she tells me every time I see her that things will get better. I know that. but what if it doesn’t? What if I’m a “special case”? What if I end up living the rest of my life like this? I wouldn’t be able to do it. I’m not strong enough for that. I know I’m being silly. But it scares every single day.

[my-attempt-at-recovery]

Truth #7

This might shock y’all but my name is not Mel. I can see why people think that but my username is meant to be “truthful-me-l” - and the L at the end stands for the first letter of my name. But you guys can call me whatever ;) I don’t mind! :)