So, first of all, Ciaran's dad's cancer has gone into remission, which is really fantastic. I only hope it lasts! With that we've been talking more and he said I should come to sligo to visit him. I think it's a good thing that he said it to me, it made me happy obviously and means he wants to see me - and probably misses me.
Obviously, being skeptical about everything lately, I didn't set anything in stone. I can think of reasons for why I should and shouldn't go there.
1. If we do want to get back together, there are so many things I need to ask him and a lot of anger I'll need to get off my chest.
2. I also plan on taking it very slowly. He broke my heart and my trust, and they're the two things I have never given to anybody easily. He'll have to earn them back.
3. I will have to ask him before I go if he still has feelings for me - which I'd kinda rather not asking. It's slightly obvious that he does but I really don't want to assume anything.
4. I'm kind of afraid that he'll get scared off by the fact that getting me back won't be particularly easy and he'll probably have to but quite a bit of effort into it.
5. There is still a possibility that he might not even be able to come back to dublin next year.
6. What if he ends up holding me back from all the plans I'm making to travel?
1. Yes, go! Not a day has gone by where I haven't wished we were still together.
2. It's obvious that I still love him, why spend more time feeling lonely when I know we both want to see each other.
3. Take it slowly anyway, there's no rush.
4. It was quite a clean break up, no hard feelings were there and we both still loved each other when it happened, we were victims of circumstances, and now you have a chance to be with him again.
5. I know I want to travel, but it'll be months before that happens, probably not until next summer, so why be away from the only person I want to be with for the year, just because saying goodbye again will be hard. And even then, hopefully it won't be for good, I'll only be gone a month or two.
My current thoughts on the situation are that, if I can get time off work and have the money, I should go. But talk to him on the phone first. Agree to only go as far as what feels right for both of us. Even if that means just hanging out. It's very likely that I won't be ready to jump straight into anything more. I think we need to find some common ground and work from there.
