#tsk tsk tsk anon

[thoughts-of-kel]

Uhm acshully,,,,, you said in your tumblr biography that your account had nothing to do with canon BUT every kel meme is canon so uhm.

lets just say im a... *taps fingers together mysteriously* rather paradoxical approach to my own existence.

[patrice-bergerons]

A different anon but please do a fic thing for do you think about cheese I will die and you know it screams carraville in light of your recent monstrosity

Hehehe my pleasure friend. I will probably write this too at some point (and then be known as that Weird Writer who writes crack sexy times over food. And it will be the fault of y'all who’ve been enabling me!!)

Send me made up fic titles and I’ll tell you what I’d write for them (eventually)!

do you ever think of cheese

So due to reasons Carra and Gaz need to take an elevator (for work…?) that is so small it could at most fit three people and the aircon in it is either broken or non-existent and is possibly cursed because it manages to feel like a furnace despite being located in England. Anyway Carra wonders whether they should take the stairs at the blast of oven hot air and Gaz is like no way I’m climbing up 5 stories fucking deal with it.

Except of course as luck would have it it gets stuck. They shout and bang on the door but to no avail. So they end up sitting on the floor waiting for someone to come find them. There isn’t enough space though and their calves end up pressed against each other. It’s also, as I mentioned before, freakishly hot. Five minutes in Jamie takes off his dress shirt with an unhappy i can’t stand this grunt, which leaves him in a sweat soaked undershirt clinging tightly to his still muscular torso.

Now Gary is also sweating. His heat tolerance is better than Jamie’s though so it’s not the temperature per se. It’s just that he is reacting, body and mind, and quite against his will, to the sight of a sweaty Scouser in front of him who bloody has no right to be so attractive. His skin feels like it’s on fire where it touches Jamie’s leg. And he has to try very very hard not to lick his lips tracing the flush that’s spread across Jamie’s (long and beautiful) neck. He knows he is gotta distract himself (and prevent Jamie from shedding more clothes) and do it quickly. The only problem though is that all their surefire banter topics now elude him. For the first time in his life Gary Neville can’t think of a single semi-decent Liverpool joke (and if it isn’t a sign that he is due for a check-up he doesn’t know what is.)

All that comes to his mind is–well other than various images of Jamie sweaty, naked and panting–is a thick layer of mozarella cheese melting in the oven, until it’s a soft and gooey mess. “So,” he says, somewhat stuttering as he forces to keep his eyes on somewhere safe like Carra’s ear, “do you ever think of cheese?”

All right friends, I’m not going to spoil all of my cheesy jokes here (see what I did there) but consider:

● Gary going on a long rant about blue cheese–how it doesn’t look like much at first and even feels gross as a concept but then once you try it, and like not just a bite, when you really give it a *proper* try, you see that there is more to it than meets the eye. The patches of mold feel sharp against your tongue, unraveling worlds full of mystery with each move of your mouth and you want it to never end. The taste, the cheese crumbling into a thousand pieces in your mouth. For it to expand and expand until the sensation is all there is left of the wo– Gary stops himself and swallows. Across the floor Jamie smirks and Gary wishes the floor would open and swallow him whole. How the fuck did a conversation that was meant to be a distraction turn into whatever the fuck that was? [You are not blue cheese damnit Jamie!!!]

● Meanwhile it takes Jamie a single concerned minute (his initial thought is that Gaz is very uncomfortable being enclosed in such a small space) to figure out exactly what’s up with his friend. (His bulging pants and the way he won’t look at Carra give him away.) He spends the next minute processing this new information while Gary desperately searches for a harmless conversation topic. He hasn’t thought of Gary in that light before--well no one can deny that there is a certain charm to his crooked nose and his Bury twang and the way he won’t let any argument go no matter how petty and–oh, Carra thinks, this could be interesting. But he lets Gary blabber on about cheese anyway with acting skills that are worse than his skills in management for a good while because really why the hell not. (It’s because Gary deserves it though, not because he looks super cute when flustered and scrambling)

(^^^me thinking about writing this fic mmm)

[deadscottblog]

wait is wanting trent as the guard part of his strength or is it wanting to see him in a hot uniform.

..  I never.. considered the second option. . but putting him in a sexy uniform wouldn’t be a bad idea

No, no, sex is a distraction

.. . dammmnit

[diotheinvader]

((Does the mun think , through some event at some point, that dio could have been redeemed ))

Oh but anon, you were supposed to answer that question~

But fine I’ll play along. If Dio were to be redeemed at any point, it would have had to been a) very early on in his life or b) just after he escaped his prison under the ocean.