Today I cried
My husband and I were on the road to pick up his car in the shop and I just felt such a heavy chest... I couldn’t stop myself from crying. We were actually trying to figure out why I was crying and pinpoint what was wrong.
I myself am a RN. I’m furloughed off right now, but our elective cases will resume and I will be going back to work on 05/04/20. Healthcare has become so political lately that I had to deactivate some of my social media. I feel like I’m losing hope in humanity and bringing in a child (or trying to) at this time... Is it selfish? Is it wise? Is it safe? Questions on top of what is already uncertain.
When we started our fertility journey back in 2018, I felt like we wouldn’t really need IVF. I thought we would have some issues getting pregnant, and it might take time, but I didn’t think our situation was so severe that we couldn’t be able to get pregnant naturally or through IUI. But last year’s circumstances proved otherwise. I’ve been fighting through this but yesterday, I just started thinking “maybe it’s not in my cards.” Maybe I have to shift and adjust what I envisioned in the future... maybe we won’t have kids. I feel like a failure in so many ways even though it’s out of my control. But this immense guilt is persistent...
So today, was just that day I had to take and mope around.