#tuesday obsession

[anxxiiety]

”This place is going up in flames And we watch and we wait And I think I kinda like the way it It burns in my face

There’s blood in the water but it tastes so sweet The sky is on fire, let it rain on me

Show me no mercy And let it rain, and let it rain Show me no mercy And let it rain (you’re going to make it harder) Show me no mercy And let it rain, and let it rain Show me no mercy And let it rain (you’re going to make it harder for me now)”

————

Hi, @willy-the-fan. I hope you’re doing well. I got back from vacation a few days ago and I’m so sad that summer is already over. I feel like it’s just starting. I barely got to see you or any of my other friends. At least I got to spend a lot of time with my family…that really made up for it. I hope that you have had a nice summer.

Today’s song is from the band PVRIS, and it’s called No Mercy. This album recently came out too!! I honestly love it, I can’t wait to delve a bit deeper into it and to really get a feel for the whole thing, if that makes any sense.

Anyway, I chose this song because when I first went through the album the day it came out I was skipping through a couple of the tracks but this one caught my attention. I’m not really sure what did it, the fantastic vocals, or the violent headbanger feel, or maybe just everything in between! Whatever it is, I’m in love. It just sounds so sinister to me and I love the idea of the song. It sounds and feels so badass and intimidating. I fuckin’ vibe with it.

Well I guess that’s all I got for today. If you enjoyed the song, PVRIS has other amazing tracks as well! You should totally check it out. In fact, they’re doing an album signing on the 30th in the same vinyl shop that I went to for the ATL signing not too far from where we live. If you really dig it, maybe we could grab a record and have it signed by the band! If you like the idea just let me know. If you have prior plans, that’s quite alright too. I understand it’s such short notice but it’s a spontaneous experience and it’s not too expensive. Just let me know! :)

Have a wonderful Tuesday!

Love, @anxxiiety.

[anxxiiety]

“Stop calling me out, we’re never going to

Put the pieces back together

If you won’t let me get better

And stop digging it up or we’re never gonna

See it all in bloom.”

————

Hey, @willy-the-fan! I hope you’re having a wonderful Tuesday so far. I’m sorry I didn’t post this earlier like I normally do, I had a very eventful weekend. Hopefully you had a great weekend too!

Today’s song is actually a new song. It came out two days ago, if I’m correct. I’m so excited for you to hear it because I instantly fell in love with it when hearing it. The lyrics are so meaningful and it just evokes some really nostalgic emotions for me.

This song isn’t just for me though. This song is for you, too. This is for every person who wants to feel like themselves again and for those who want to grow.

Personally, this song reminds me of our friendship. You’re always trying to help me out, and I appreciate that, but sometimes I think I need to learn how to do it on my own. How will I ever be able to cope if I don’t know how to do it for myself? I promise though, recently I’ve been feeling better. I’m trying to be more positive and it helps sometimes.

This song also just makes me feel like I’m not alone. I know that’s kinda weird because it’s only a song, but it makes me feel happy and I guess that’s really all that matters!!

I hope you liked today’s song, and maybe you received something from it! I really like this song because it’s just so uplifting for me. I like how it romanticizes the idea of growing to become a better version of ourselves. Hopefully we can achieve that. Anyways, have a lovely week.

With good intentions, @anxxiiety.

[anxxiiety]

”I think with my heart And love with my head Do you see the problem here? You rip me to shreds I think with my heart You fuck with my head Do you see the problem here? You rip me to shreds So tear into my heart And love with my head Do you see the problem here? You rip me to shreds I think with my heart You fuck with my head Do you see the problem here? You rip me to shreds So tear into me

Kiss me like nobody would When I was 15 I’ve spent some years rewinding But I’m still just me Kiss me like nobody would When I was 15 I don’t invite the head rush But it follows me Kiss me like nobody would When I was 15 I’m tired of the waiting And the wondering If I could find my something To burn out these feelings I’d cut them out completely And I’d stop this reeling”

————

Hey, @willy-the-fan. I hope you’ve been having a nice week since last Tuesday.

This week’s song is called It Follows by Waterparks, and I love this band soo much. This song has a bit of personal meaning to me, but I don’t want to go into a full on rant about it. Maybe you can give it your own meaning.

I also love this song because it’s so energetic and it’s relatable in a lyrical sense. I’m not one for cheesy love songs, but when it comes to a song about love tearing someone apart, you know im aLL fOr iT lmao

Alsooo the quote for this week is some of my favorite lines from the song, just thought you should know :)

Anyway, this song is such a bop and I love the bridge so much because Awsten’s voice just fucks me uPPP lol

Sooo yeah I hope you enjoy my Tuesday song because I sure as hell do (i fuckin love this band so much lmao). Have a great week n’ stuff.

[anxxiiety]

"I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe that we're meant to be But jealousy, jealousy, jealousy, jealousy get the best of me Look, I don't mean to frustrate, but I Always make the same mistakes, yeah Always make the same mistakes 'cause I'm bad at love But you can't blame me for tryin' You know I'd be lyin' sayin' You were the one That could finally fix me Lookin' at my history I'm bad at love" ~~ Hopefully, @willy-the-fan, this explains my past mistakes. It's a beautiful song with a deeper meaning than the surface shows, by one of my favorite artists. I don't think this needs detail because it's meant to have a different meaning for everyone. Anyway, if you have any questions about the song choice just let me know. Hope you like it, love. Have a good week. Until next time, @anxxiiety.

[anxxiiety]

“And freedom,

And falling;

The feeling I thought was set in stone.

It slips through my fingers,

Trying hard to let go.

It comes and goes in waves,

It comes and goes in waves,

And carries us away.”

I completely forgot it was Tuesday and I had to choose a song for this week, @willy-the-fan, but when I was searching through my playlists I came across this song and was immediately drawn to presenting it to you. This one has a special meaning to me.

I found this song, Waves, on the show known as Riverdale. I was captured by it due to its deep, emotional lyrics. This song has such a powerful message that I personally needed to hear a lot more than I thought, especially during a time like this.

It speaks much about freedom, and how it is sometimes taken for granted. To me, it personally displays the thought of growing up and moving on. It also shows how our feelings sometimes cause us to get our hopes high, and how we must not forget that reality has the ability to shatter these hopes.

When I listen to this song I think of my previous plans for Pennsylvania. I think about future road trips. I think about the crazy fantasy adventures I’ve always wanted. And, after coming to a realization, it is occurring to me that I probably won’t ever get to do these things. I won’t get to go on road trips, or visit the places I’ve always dreamed of seeing. The rush of adrenaline will eventually leave, won’t it?

There’s something I’ve always feared, but as time continues my fear expands. I fear growing up. I’ve always hated it. When I grow up, I think of offices, and business suits, and boring things. I never want to become that. It scares me. It’s even occurring now. This summer, I’ll have a job and so will all my other friends. We’ll have responsibilities to take care of. That means no movies. No concerts, no trips to the park, no mall days, no pool trips, no Six Flags plans…nothing. That scares me.

I probably sound so naïve, like a child throwing a tantrum because they can’t have what they want. And honestly? I think I’m okay with that. It means that I still have my childish behavior. But think about it: we will eventually be stripped of ourselves. Our youth. Does that scare you, too?

Listen to the song. On repeat if needed. Just apply this to yourself. Do you feel like your freedom is being torn from your hands, just draining between your fingers? I do. I took the feeling of freedom for granted; I thought it was set in stone. It’s slowly disappearing in front if my eyes, and now I’m wondering if it will ever come back. I desperately want it to stop. I want it to go back to the time when I was oblivious to this fact and I could live on thinking that this would be my forever. Ignorance really is bliss.

Sometimes, people get their hopes high, only to be broken by the result of reality. Their dreams of being who they want to be are washed away by the drenching consequence known as life. There are some who allow this to happen. They let go of their hope and give in to the fight of their freedom. Is this a good thing? Should they have let their passion die?

You never really hear of the other half though. Those that don’t let go. Those that don’t let the flooding feeling of falling rip them away from what they want: their freedom. The feeling of falling truly does come and go in waves. It tears some away from their freedom. But…what happens to those that don’t allow their freedom to be washed away?

It carries them away.

With love, @anxxiiety.

[anxxiiety]

“There’s so much history in these streets,

And mama’s good eats,

Oh Wonder on repeat.

There’s so much history in my head,

The people I’ve left,

The ones that I’ve kept.

Have you heard me on the radio?

Did you turn it up?

On your blown-out stereo

In suburbia.

Could be playing hide and seek from home,

Can’t replace my blood.

Yeah, it seems I’m never letting go

Of suburbia.”

Yesterday was a pretty crappy day, so I’m just glad that it’s Tuesday. I hope you had a nice week, @willy-the-fan. 

Let me just say that I absolutely love Troye Sivan. I love his voice, I love his style, I love everything about him and his music. I think you can already tell though, considering last week’s song was from Blue Neighborhood as well. I can’t wait for his new release Friday. 

This week, I think we deserve a break. No more emotional messes. This time, I think we need a bit of a pick-me-up, especially after last week. I’m slowly working my way to a total bOP but for now I’d like to take a moment to talk about something I feel like I haven’t mentioned in a while. This song is about my favorite feeling: nostalgia. 

I think this is the moment where I queue the youtube link for the song, Suburbia.

I don’t want to leave this one blank because there is a reason as to why I picked this specific song. 

First of all, I love this song because of the vIBESSSS. You know me, I’m all about the feeling a song can give me…y’know, what kind of mood it puts me in, what it makes me think about, what visual ideas come to mind—all that crap. You feel?

If you have no idea what I’m saying, just take a listen to the song. The quote I applied to this post speaks for itself, and as much as I’d like to elaborate on it, I don’t want to ruin your meaning for the song. Because your vibes matter, too. First impressions mean a lot, especially the first impression of a song. That’s how I see it, as stupid as that may seem. 

I’d like to say that this song reminds me of you and Abby, and all my other friends in this town. It reminds me of every All Time Low song that made me want to grow up and run away from this shitty place at the age of 17, and it reminds me of the idea of escaping with my friends, even if only for a week to a trailer in Pennsylvania. It made me think of every single memory with you and Abby. It also evoked thoughts of my friendship with Maddie, my relationship with Danny, and even thoughts of people like Gabby, Renata, Jenna, Marian, and so on. It brings me back to the old days. It brings me back to last summer. It reminds me of my low points and my high points in life so far. It reminds me of all my previous experiences with love, hatred, kindness, sadness, anxiety, and self-love. But mostly, it reminds me of the sky. You know my insane love for the iridescent shades of warm colors that paint the sky as the sun meet the horizon, or the crystal blue that stretches far beyond what we can see, with scattered white tufts that get as lost in the sky as we do. You can’t forget the stars or the moon, either, because they have their own special place too. I’ve said before and I will never stop saying it: my home is in the sky. In all, This song takes me home. This song gives me a feeling of nostalgia that reminds me of who I am and how I got here.

It also reminds me of the future. Who we are and what we can be. Every friend to come. Every new memory. Every new problem and every new sky. No matter where we go, we will always have our own sky to return to. Through sunshine and rainy days, the sky has been and will always be with us. That is why it is a reminder of home for me.

So please, never forget where you came from or how you got there. It has made you who you are today. Find yourself a permenant home that reminds you of who you used to be and who you are. Find yourself your own Suburbia. 

With love, @anxxiiety.

[anxxiiety]

“Only fools fall for you, only fools

Only fools do what I do, only fools fall

Only fools fall for you, only fools

Only fools do what I do, only fools fall”

These Tuesday's never fail to give me something to look forward to every week. @willy-the-fan, I hope you enjoy this one, because it's going to be a bit different from what I'm used to. 

By the way, here is a youtube link to the song if you need.

If you're listening to this song as you're reading, then that's probably a good thing. It might be better that way. This song? It's different from my style. I'd assume you weren't expecting something like this either. Or maybe you were. Either way, you asked for honesty, so that is what you'll receive. But it's not the honesty you were thinking of.

Before I dive in, I'm going to mention that this song doesn't need a large personal explanation on my part. I want you to reflect on the lyrics. The beat. The simplicity and the complexity that this song holds on your own personal level. After all, this song is dedicated to you.

Yeah, that's right. This one isn't going to be about me. This week is all about you. So buckle up, and let me explain.

First of all, I probably know what you're thinking just by looking at the quote itself. Don't think too hard. It's pretty metaphorical, but I'm not sure if it's what you think. This has more to do with your own actions.

I don't want to sound rude or offensive when I say any of this; I have no intention of hurting you at all, but I think this needs to be said. Recently, you've been very involved in multiple people's lives. i’m obviously not going to use names, but maybe you'll have an idea of what i mean soon enough.

These people have grown very fond of you as you continue to occupy their company. We’ve said before that you are full of charm and charisma, without a doubt. But you seem to play the game a bit too well. It's evident that you are extremely well at toying with emotions of many. We have all seen it before. 

Sometimes I wonder: is there a specific reason for this? Do you realize what you're doing to the ones who love you? Do you even love them the same way? 

I can recall a time where I was so enthused with the fact that somebody felt an attraction toward me that I began a relationship with them. It didn't end well, and I now realize that it was for the better, because I was able to learn something from my impulsive mistake. I realized I fell in love with the feeling of being in love.

Do you enjoy that feeling so much as, to go through measures of manipulation to receive this feeling as much as possible? I don't mean to be sadistic here, but it sometimes seems like that. This is because I know you are aware of what you do. You've said it multiple times. But you still continue to do this to those that love you and I cannot fathom why. It's painful, to watch you mercilessly wrap them around your finger.

I believe the line “Only fools fall for you,” can relate to both of us. I’d rather not say why I find this relatable over a tumblr post, but if you really want to know you can always ask me. But this line could be relatable to you, and all those that have ever fallen for you. Because they poured their heart out to you. And you still fucked with their emotions. 

As for the line “Only fools do what I do,” I can also find this painfully relatable. This line has to do with me. Don't think too much about it though. It's not important.

With this conclusion, I want you to know that, to me, this song means something more. It's can almost be perceived as a riddle, if you’d like to see it that way. Because this post wasn't much about me, I'd still like to give you some information. It could be useful, or maybe not. It depends on your perspective. So, here's your riddle.

 Am I a fool?