I spent 11 days in California with my family. We called it tumour trip 2017. It was amazing and exhausting and heart warming and everything I needed. I am now just waiting. Waiting for the call about surgery. Waiting for someone to tell me that it’s time to get rid of this thing.
People keep telling me I am strong, and I am! Don’t get me wrong. I know I am. But I am also weak. A couple weeks ago I spent 14 hours at the clinic and the ER investigating a weird headache. When you have a brain tumour a weird headache could mean a brain bleed or an brain infection; both of which are bad news. Thankfully I have neither.
I have been sick the last few days and every weird pain, every twinge in my head; it makes me worry about the tumour.
I’m scared of surgery; I’d be silly not to be. But. I am also strong and I will beat this. I need it done so I can start healing for real. All the healing from my spinal surgery feels futile right now because I have one more huge hurdle to jump before I can actually relax and heal.
I don’t know what I’m hoping to achieve with this. Maybe some sort of catharsis. Maybe I’m just reaching out to maybe find people who are dealing with the same thing. Maybe I just want people to know where I am. I’ll try to collect my thoughts and post something more eloquent next time.