#turn!verse

[the-toughestest-hufflepuff]

(First Annual) Author Advent Appreciation 2022

By @the-toughestest-hufflepuff

2022 Author is the one, the only 

Saras_Girl (Sara’s Girl)

Info on the author: Referenced from SG’s profile on AO3, the author’s name is Ryu and identifies as a proud trans man. So of course he/him pronouns (as well as "SG") will be used during this advent season when referring to the author.

As a side note, I just want it on record how proud I am of him for coming into his true self. And especially considering the classic stories we now live and breathe in Drarry and how many of them are about self discovery, self love, and self acceptance. His stories have always felt so real and tangible, and knowing now that he is now living his best life free to be who he is, just solidifies how deeply personal and beautiful fanfiction writing is to those of us that write it as well as read and reread and rereread as we do with his stories.

Ryu is a UK native if that isn’t gorgeously obvious from his writing.

Also IT’S TRANS VISIBILITY WEEK!! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️ I didn’t even do that on purpose!! 🥲🥹❤️

Thank you for your support in reading any of this, but please do remember this is an opinion piece, and literary analysis is meant to spark conversation! So reblog, comment, talk to me in the tags, send me asks! I love to be challenged!

Our first study is of arguably one of the most renowned Drarry-fic since it’s publishing in 2010 on Fanfiction.net. (Buckle up cause this isn’t going to be short friends)

T U R N (Part 1/2)

Turn is a 306k, 14 chapter beast of a fic. Seriously, it feels like reading two separate stories I nearly changed my mind on how I wanted to “breakdown” this fic because I thought perhaps it would have been easier to do a glimpse breakdown and a present day breakdown.

Like, a person could take this fic and break it down much further than I’m going to, and if this inspires you to do your own Triple A, then by all means, please do and tag me!

I will be honest with you all and say I 100% do not really know where to begin, and it’s because this fic was the most difficult one for me to do a first read on. I read it for the first time six months ago. (Please do not come for blood) I have very good reasons: Imposter Syndrome, and Second Hand Anxiety being the main two. I remember beginning to read this when I originally read Foundations!Verse and I couldn’t read past the second chapter I don’t think, I tried again about a year ago after I reread Reparations/Foundations for the first time in years, and because of my 2 year residence in Las Vegas that minor road rage Harry has in the first paragraph immediately shut my brain down and pumped my anxiety sky high.

I chose Turn as the first for Triple A because it is because of all of you who adore this fic as their comfort fic, or the first fic that made you fall in love with Drarry, that convinced me to muscle through what made me uncomfy and get through it. @stargazing-enby that gave me the last shove I needed by making those hilarious meme-fics and I have so far not been steered poorly by any fic I read from their recommendations. I had hoped going into this reread that knowing how the story unfolded and knowing most of the twists and turns(lol) I could let go of that tunnel vision anxiety reading I held onto my entire first read.

I am so happy to talk about this fic with all of you, but it will definitely be less of a breakdown and more of a “ASDFGHH” about all the little things I loved. The only thing I can’t find (even scouring back through the chapters) is where Purple Fish came from, I didn’t take note during my reading, and I thought it was in a scene with Harry and Maura, but I cannot find it for the life of me. Feel free to educate me lol

Okay Let’s Begin

     Untwist is such a wonderful call back.

Malfoy’s divorce being mentioned literally short circuits Harry’s brain. 

     Ginny and Harry’s interactions break my whole heart and it is the most wonderful thing watching them find their friendship in their divorce. You can feel the slow shift in Harry in the glimpse as his feelings grow for Draco and he see’s how happy Blaise makes her and recognizes that he is not the person for Ginny and never really was, but that does not negate the love he has for Ginny, it’s just not the right kind for the love she deserved and likewise for him; Harry also deserved that too. Their break up is one of the reasons I love this fic so much, it is beautiful and heart wrenching in how delicately their separation is handled without real animosity. Happiness by Taylor Swift is my ultimate older Harry/Ginny break up song for this exact reason. It is heavy in emotion but I hold onto the lyrics “I haven’t met the new me yet.” And honestly the song is filled with examples of how a relationship turns sour and hurtful by the mere factor of just forcing something that isn’t working anymore. The song may sound a bit too bitter for the Harry and Ginny in Turn, but then I think about Ginny saying "Yeah. I keep having this crazy thought that maybe all this would be easier if we just started yelling like we're supposed to,"  Like you can feel from both of them that yes they feel clearer headed because they are “above the trees, and looking down in it” but there is hurt on both sides, despite Harry constantly trying to just make it his fault as if he only knows how to feel guilty for other people's struggles. “No one teaches you what to do when a good man hurts you and you know you hurt him too.”      

     Okay, So i have to share my ridiculous theory that can be, I am the only one who sees this and no one will get it OR this is so obvious and I am the last one to be catching onto it. Gin. Why fucking gin. Why always gin? When reading the first chapter I couldn't stop thinking about it. Gin is Boris’s drink. Bathtub Gin is Blaise’s fucking hobby. Gin is Ginny’s nickname. There’s something there, or its TOTAL coincidence. But it got my gear turning. Gin.Gin.GinGinGinGin…..DJINN. Holy fuck, like what? Is Boris a Djinn? Is that how the glimpse is created? Genies/Djinns are arguably demons, or they’re a type of Fae depending on lore and forgive me because I am not well educated. But Djinn, like Fae, are tricky. They are fickle and mysterious and maybe not unkind but they don’t handhold or trust information to others. Djinn’s can stay hidden in plain sight, they can take the form of other people and animals, and they can manipulate realities. There are plenty of inconsistencies, but Djinn’s are terribly resilient and adaptive. So my theory is that the glimpse operators are part Djinn part Wix, and the corporation is run by full blood Djinns who decided to adapt into modern day by giving second chances to deserving cases. I dunno it’s a theory and it may only make sense to me, but I felt like I discovered a secret of the universe when I thought of it.

     Boris is a whole journey on his own though, and he never ceases to make me cackle with what he says to Harry. He speaks in fucking riddles and it’s amazing accept for when he sees Harry at the Weasley party after Fred being revealed. Honestly he reacted quite calmly considering, but he would have been so livid if it had been anyone else saved and Boris didn’t just tell Harry, like Remus, Tonks, Snape, etc. The what if’s of this scenario are endless and I think that is an important lesson from Boris. Him telling Harry to stop agonizing over every little past detail and to just exist and embrace the life he’s been dropped into. Get the most out of this. Don’t look for the lesson and the big universal answer. It’s a reminder a lot of us need. And I would be remiss to not mention his parting words to Harry: “I’ve helped a lot of lads in my time, and none of them was ever thought they was deservin. In all honesty, young man, I can’t say as any of them were as deservin as you.” Just chef’s kiss. Boris challenged Harry (immediately) everything about himself he thought about himself, and that’s a reason I think he trusted him so quickly. Harry is ten times more likely to hear someone who isn’t treating him like “the chosen one”

     Rose Weasley broke my heart. During that party when Harry is noting how reclusive and shy she is without Al ripped the heart from my chest. Her friendship with Al and then Scorpius is so sweet and I love the idea of them being the “next trio” at hogwarts. Maybe they are Rose Gold? Lol  I’ll come back to the kids though

BECAUSE WE HAVE DRARRY SHIT TO TALK ABOUT. 

GLIMPSE TIME: 

 Frank! FRANKFURTO. Whyyy the fuck do I love Frank so much? Is it because he’s basically Draco, but slithery? Also the little spider being an allegory for Harry’s own struggle finding his own comfort in the glimpse? (reminds me a lot of Helix with him and Solomon the Snail)

Harry making Draco tea and subsequently turning into a little old lady that tries to solve every uncomfortable situation with tea. Draco’s requirement of tea is also a parallel I noticed in Present day Ginny as well.

Harry never asks to be brought back. Did anyone else catch that? Like I don’t recall him being angry with Boris once he sees him again demanding to be brought back. He wakes up, remembers the conversation with Boris and despite his initial confusion, does realize what he did pretty quickly. He wants to make sure his family is safe, but other than that, this tired-closeted-grumpy-ass, savior of the wizarding world who never thought to put down his responsibility of society saving, settles into this alternate life being a gay carpenter in a common law marriage with Draco Malfoy like one would sink into a hot bath after a stressful week. Year. LIFE.

     Something I noticed too was that first day when he returns home, that friendly jab he has with Draco, he immediately expects a fight when he says he didn’t go to work and Draco just kind of chuckles and jests with him. But he’s not mad. And just that level of trust immediately instilled an understanding with Draco that they are a couple, but being together doesn’t mean you are in control over everything. Like from the outside their friends view their relationship as control over Harry cause he is a bit of a mess and Draco isn’t, BUT with Draco’s OCD-without-calling-it-OCD, he’s actually quite lax on the things his anxiety isn’t dictating direction. They have a super healthy relationship, and strong enough that Draco didn’t question Harry’s loyalty for half a second even when presented with Goldstein kissing Harry in the kitchen. Draco was confident is his Harry. 

     Harry and the arts is such a beautiful journey. Art and queerness are a natural connection. It’s freedom from the mold. It’s spontaneous. It’s Color. It’s beauty in the everyday mundanity. It’s everything Harry lacks from being Head Auror. Turn made me fall in love with artist Harry, and I think a lot of us are in that same boat. Through struggle and working through his emotions, Harry makes the first thing he actually likes even if he may think it’s not amazing, him and Maura are impressed by what he did with the little experience he had. Seriously a beautiful journey I think every artist can relate to is realizing you make better art when you get out of your head and let your emotions roll through you. 

     Okay, so Our Harry is not an artistic person (yet) and Other Harry is. Possibly because allowing his individuality to breathe, awoke the artistic side and allowed himself the space to try something new, but also fail. As we all know to be an artist means to exist with failure and imperfection with open arms. Self growth can only come through hardship. Our Harry achieved self growth through the hardship of law enforcement and parenthood, though we have already seen him struggle with imperfection with his kids and marriage, but without much growth from that because Harry blames himself for so much of that. The Other Harry found self love even by artistic creation and failure and imperfection in attempting new things. Beautiful and functional things. 

Drarry is Fashion and Function. 

Harry’s Gay Artist Renaissance 

Blaise and Maura Zabini are two of the best supporting characters and how their relationships to Harry evolves his perspective to being a better friend, and then a better parent when he goes back to the present is so sweet. Harry and Maura are such a good team, but I believe it is that connection with Maura and also the way everyone talks about this Harry makes him realize he wouldn’t have wanted a future without his kids or any kids. He wanted to be a Dad, and he was meant to have James, Al, and Lily. And they deserved a Dad who wasn’t half dead to the world, trying to fake being happy.

Draco and his stripes, and his morning room. That little “So this is your morning room” when Harry finds it and immediately takes the task to take care of the plants.

Draco and the horrible parlor.

Draco and his unbridled passion for exposing corruption. His knowledge of Harry that really takes Harry by surprise. The little “I know that face.” or “I knew you’d go for that potion first.” or the “Good joke, you know you’re the loudest I’ve ever heard.” How he eats everything Harry makes and leaves little notes for Harry on Frank. Him picking out Harry’s clothes which is about the only real controlling thing I think Draco requires. Everything else Harry does for Draco by choice and from a place of love. Harry notes that he has never by nature been an organized person, but he keeps clean and folds clothes, and returns sweaters because his other self must care about Draco. Poor Draco and that first night with the “clothes on the floor” murmur. Sweet angel, he will learn soon. 

Overall Draco’s neurodivergence and Harry’s physical disability are addressed so naturally throughout the entire fic. Harry’s leg and then his fingers, and Draco’s not officially claimed as OCD, but for lack of specificity that’s what it appears to be. As a neurodivergent with chronic pain and 6 years of healthcare work in my past, I believe the ebbs and flows as well as the plateau and sustained management of their disabilities are executed as accurately as possible. I also really love how Draco’s OCD isn’t claimed because the idea that Harry just wanted to understand Draco and not need a label for him is very endearing. Harry has always cared more about people and less what to call something specifically which is always why being in the alphabet mafia 100% fits his character so well for me.

Christmas. No one does Holiday Comfort like SG. I am also convinced now that SG fics is the Drarry version of the Hallmark Channel. This fic was like a warm bowl of soup stolen by the hands of Blaise Zabini. The parties and the charity work, a smart child with omniscient knowledge, passionate kisses and dinner with the inlaws finished with HOT BALLROOM SEX. Little “in-jokes” we don’t always get to know because they were between other Harry and Draco and not our Harry. God, I love the fucking horrible parlor.

Harry falling madly, hopelessly, desperately in love and then being ripped away from that.

Draco making scrapbooks *sobs*

One thing I really love, and Boris makes mention to this, but the “it’s easier to trick adults” thing. Like the first section of the glimpse Harry may as well have his own audience-fourth-wall-breaking-camera like he’s on the Office or something. There’s stuff he gets away with saying that is so lucky because they must not hear half the things he says or they think he’s just a goofball lightweight

Harry having so much fun fake arguing with Draco. There is a tremendous ease that Harry is only partially aware that the familiar comfort of their coupling has. Draco giving Harry the space to voice his thoughts is a big moment I think because Our Harry hasn’t learned how to be true with and to himself as well as his world. Other Harry has. Because Other Harry processed what truth was with young Draco throughout the war and in the aftermath of it.

Harry grabbing Draco and kissing with abandon all the time after he accepts his feelings for him.

“Harry’s heart swoops, and he’s doomed, he knows it.”

Harry and Ron “I NEVER HELD YOU BACK” *SOBBING* 

Lucius not intending to offend Harry for many years. It’s kind of sweet almost to have him criticize the Dursley's 

Chp 6 commentary: ok did Harry the fucking chosen one Potter just say he’s not convinced in destiny? Harry you are one sus mofo. I love when Harry has to like take a stab at a questionable truth, it’s like he’s playing a high stakes game of mad libs. 

After the Hot Ballroom sex that break Harry’s brain and it leaves him completely cock-dumb and heart-twisty. 

Fuck Harry is so nervous about letting people down. He doesn’t worry really about being in an alternate universe where he is a gay carpenter with Draco Malfoy, but he is terrified to have nothing to give to Mr. Pepper. And he is scared to say the wrong thing and upset Draco. And Harry wants to be like his Other self so bad that when Maura (a person who already knows his secret) tells him things like “well my uncle Harry did this or didn’t do that or you’ve never asked me that before” Harry’s go to is “Sorry.” Not even pressing for the why because he just wants to please

Harry Potter, the man who would rather defeat Voldemort thrice than let someone down.

Harry getting to work and sleep at his own pace.

NYE and Anthony Goldstein being the wettest fucking bench. Never has a person deserved more of a punch to the face than that fucking

Harry making a core memory at 38 selling his artwork!!

The hot ballroom sex needs to be mentioned again, but like I also love the small domestic comfortable moments of a Draco just touching Harry and teasing him or saying little like "Don't distract me, we're going to be late." UGHHH

The Turn tattoo also being an "Oh my god, he changes, he listened!" moment.

Then, when the glimpse ends, there is this wash of mourning that coats the tone. Harry is grieving. He was not ready to leave despite knowing it was time, and after having some time to think about this, Boris may have done that not just because Harry has settled in what he’s taking away from the glimpse, but It is absolutely the most instant way to tell that you want something. It pushes the brain to make a decision when one has been made for you. So that quick extraction snaps Harry within like 4 hours that he cannot stay married to Ginny. And it’s not because it’s Draco Malfoy’s fault, not only, and like Ginny says, they’ve been sleepwalking through their lives not allowing themselves to see the truth and the reality of their marriage and how it effected their kids and their happiness.

Harry is so driven  by the expectations of others in the present. He unconsciously makes so many choices based on the upsetness of the people around him. Which, is a clear trauma response he never worked out after the war was over. He is still struggling with childhood PTSD and just people pleased his way through life right through 15(?) years of marriage, three kids, and all the way up the ranks of Aurors.

Alright I'm ending it here today since this turning into a novel. If you made it this far, I love you desperately, and I hope I am doing this with an ounce of justice <3

Stay Tuned for the second part tomorrow!

Tagging blogs I saw expressing interest!: @phd-mama @phoebe-delia @luna13e-blog @mintawasalreadytaken @bluebutter-art @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm @lettersbyelise @basicallyahedgehog

[the-toughestest-hufflepuff]

(First Annual) Author Advent of Appreciation

By @the-toughestest-hufflepuff

2022 Author is the one, the only 

Saras_Girl (Sara’s Girl)

Info on the author: Referenced from SG’s profile on AO3, the author’s name is Ryu and identifies as a proud trans gay man. So of course he/him pronouns will be used during this advent season, as well as his name or I will acronym the handle to just SG. 

T U R N (3/3)

Welcome back for 2/3  (Part 1 Part 2) And it's only 3 parts because of Tumblrs character limit.

Sorry, I am like so besotted with SG’s Dracos. How he is consistently “not just playing hard to get…he’s actually just hard to get.” And it makes Harry have to work for him. It’s a sweet trope when one of them has to really work for the trust and love and bond of the relationship. Clearly Draco loves Harry quite quickly too. Possibly from the incident with Lucius, Draco goes after him to talk at the workshop. And he sees that instead of words, Harry was making him a token of apology. A fucking physical representation of all of the feelings he has and has ever had for Draco. I think it scared him how strong he felt for Harry, and if we could get any POV for him it would include the panic of “possibly being in love with a straight man, holy shit am I in love with Harry, and I may perish without him in my life what the fuck am I to do.” So sweet. We love idiots in love. It’s a classic trope, and this fic is the classics of classics. Like you cannot be a drarry fan and not intimately know one SG fic front back and center. We all have our fic. And yes you should all be very afraid at how much I will probably write about Foundations. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Like you aren’t ready, I’m not ready. 

     In total the slow build of Harry and Draco’s budding connection is quite wholesome and sweet if not mildly irritating but it feels like Harry is giving his best go at the same time as he is like “hope it all works out!” And then we have the sweet, Draco gets knock into Harry panic moment that also felt like it was going to be a first kiss moment, but in Draco-is-a-typical-hedgehog fashion, he gets scared and runs off before anything can really happen. And this is all really hard for Harry because his feelings are so close to the surface he knows anyone who looks at him just knows. They can see his revolving thoughts of Draco in his head.

Ugh that scene is so good, Draco is worried Harry got hurt and all Harry can think about his how good he smells and how much he wants to taste him. UST UST UST UST UST UST 

     We stan the greek deli. They are all wonderful and I love that Harry made other friends that look out for him. Kari is very sweet and I think it’s really nice that she is sensitive of how her father’s shrine to Harry could upset him. She understands him, and I think it’s really nice that there relationships he’s building that are platonic and include people that have mutual trust, respect, love, and that level of understanding about how Harry’s brain works and how he builds trust with people. This also makes me think about what Lily said to Harry about who’s job it is to take care of him now or keep him from looking like an idiot. Because It’s not anyone else’s job to take care of him, but he should lean on a village not just one person or two people. So yes, so proud of him for branching out and accepting more people into his circle.

Harry finding out what Azaleas mean and saying that back to Narcissa. Not only sweet, but i’m sure it resonated very well with Narcissa as to what Harry’s intentions were with Draco, knowing that he wasn’t just a blip in their life no matter if Harry was romantically interested in Draco or thought of him as a potential close friend. I also want to know more about what lead Narcissa to azaleas because clearly it’s how shes coped with Lucius’s mental state, but perhaps the caring and cutting of them is like Lucius’s feels for her. She grow them because she knows he wants her to take care of herself for him since he is now unable. And that makes me think there was a conversation between them before he spiraled out of his skull from the scrambling Azkaban did to his brain.

The banter. The sassy owl banter between Draco and Harry. Just so classic.

Them not tip toeing around each other, throwing insults at the beginning and having fun because no one else talks to them like that. Everyone is way too careful so they don’t get to joke around with most people anymore.

Fuckin Bilby <3333 finding the booze behind the cabbages and Harry not being able to bridle his curiosity.

“Have you missed me?” “Like a hole in the head.” Yeah, and probably a few holes somewhere else. Okay ill stop lol

Harry and Draco being photographed anytime and Harry just like heart lurching.

Hermione making Harry a roof garden.

Ron just in general being a great friend and a good big brother. My heart hurt when Ginny was apologizing for not being able to hold it together when Ron asked her if she was okay. Anyone who has a sibling knows this feeling of being incapable of hiding shit from them, good or bad. Even unspoken like we know. My big sister always can tell, and I can always tell. It doesn't mean we push each other to talk, but we notice, we can sense it, and we know the other is there to listen to whatever we want to share.

“I'm not that person, he thinks, slumping back in his chair and digging his fingers into the armrests. I'm not the person who belongs in the glimpse. But that doesn't mean that I have to be this person.” OOF big moment, and important quote. This could be applicable to anyone. You do not have to stay stuck in a area of your life that makes you miserable. You can do scary things and make big changes. Yes this ability to manifest change comes with privilege which Harry does acknowledge, but the is always a way to change for the better. It’s so hard to not feel settled when you are stuck in unhappiness, it’s like the feeling sucks you deeper and deeper. Which makes it feel impossible to get out of. It reminds me of "There's a hole in my sidewalk" By Portia Nelson, it’s a poem my therapist gave me when I was 16 to help me with my procrastination issues (still wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD til this year) but it is applicable to so many life struggles. 

Harry making peace, controlled peace, with the press and choosing his lens to be the sweet and excitable Larz Clearwater. 

Harry going to Fred’s grave.

Do you guys know about yew trees? They are the original death eaters which is why they are commonly planted around cemeteries.

Harry stringing together that Jenny doesn’t know Harry, because she was Fred’s fiance in the glimpse, and Fred is dead. W OU ND E D

Getting dinner with Draco likes it’s a regular thing cause clearly they started dating before acknowledging a relationship at all.

Harry lusting Draco in muggle fashion and waistcoats and three piece suits. And too be honest fucking same, Harry. 

Harry pushing Draco to do something he might actually enjoy instead of moving money around for other people, despite it being a stable and respectable job, it clearly sucked all the life out of him and Harry just wants to see him happy and colorful and stripey and hair ruffled and warm and smiley. 

The incident. Harry not feeling right about being stood up. Narcissa assuming Draco was just with Harry. Both of them connecting the dots and Narcissa being completely receptive and not challenging Harry at all on any theory, trusting him completely. Harry running into a dangerous situation by himself ™ emotionally driven by love ™ But i am quite proud of him for at least waiting for Ron before just barging in. Oh, Harry, have you really learned that much?! I’m so proud of you lol Ron knowing exactly what's up with Harry’s feelings cause here we are at the brother thing. Although he has no gay-dar everything else is working well enough. Kinsley also being there as a personal vendetta. Harry being mad because they hurt Draco’s perfect gorgeous face. Fuck professionality and runs into danger anyway. Well, I guess that's the most we can hope for out of him.

YELLING his love confession to a group of criminals knowing Draco could be conscious to hear him. The two of them fighting together even for a moment <3 Harry sacrificing his hand to save Misu.

Draco ready to TEAR THESE GUYS LIMB FROM LIMb- to find out that oh cool they're all taken care of. Yes, I knew that,exactly my plan *side eye.*

Draco and Harry sitting completely bruised and broken and Harry refusing to acknowledge his hand pouring blood. Guys, cut fingers really know how to bleeeed.Then Draco LOOSING HIS COOL and just being like give me the damn snake and basically saving her life.

Giving their statements where Ron basically calls that they’re gonna go leave together.

“You need to go home.” “Are you coming with me?” “Yes.” 

STRIPY CUP

“Look, just get clean, you’ll feel better, and I’ll find you something of mine to wear. Something... tasteful,”

Anytime anyone says “You’ll feel better” I immediately hear Remus Lupin say “It helps, It really helps” in my head. It’s become a part of my inner monologue and my sister and I say it to each other like once a day.

Harry helping Draco, validating his emotions from sustaining the injuries and Harry putting slave on his forehead.  

“ointment jar clutched in both hands, keeping them safe.” UGH I missed this completely until I went back to reread this scene, It is literally taking every cell in Harry’s body to keep from lunging at Draco to hold him and keep him safe. And show him how much he loves him. Even though Draco is mad he went after him, clearly it’s because he knows there's more emotions there, but isn’t sure how much he can really trust Harry will stick through it.

“I want a shower” …The words ‘I want you to come with me’ are not and do not need to be exchanged—he’s never been more nervous, but he’s also never been more certain.

Just such a pivotal moment. 

Just a little call back, we get that flashback in the middle of there shower sex scene, and it’s pointed out there, but I just want to emphasize that besides the little brushes and whispers of sensuality, that shower invitation in the glimpse is the first real affront of Harry’s brain having to consider gay sex wth Draco, and it freaks him out in the glimpse because he’s not ready and he’s still scared of how curious he is. In this scene, he is certain and ready and so desperate for Draco;s touch. It feels very full circle and that may be why this scene feels so heavy. It’s not just an emotional closure for Harry (kind of sort of) but it feels like we have finally lapsed the glimpse. This is uncharted territory and Harry can no longer keep comparing the two Draco’s. They are one, but this Draco has really become his Draco. He is not glimpse Draco because they simultaneously become too different and the same person. 

“I meant for you to clean yourself with that,” he says, sounding amused. “Who says romance is dead?” Harry wonders, finishing his task anyway and smiling when Draco leans against him to wash his hair with slow, languid strokes of his fingers.

Ugh that whole scene is just gorgeous and delicious and delicate and so fucking personal. As the reader it’s hard not to feel like your own soul has been flayed open for all to view. It’s so beautiful. Harry is finally getting what he’s been wanting since he left the glimpse and it’s weighted in acquiescence like he is just ready for whatever this means and hopes it’s all good.

HARRY WATCHING HIM SLEEP THE NEXT MORNING. I’m crying, Draco is precious as fuck.

Jenny fixing Harry as well as Misu the next morning. In natural healthcare fashion, gingerly roasting your patient while also wanting the best for them. It comes from an endearing place for sure.

THESE FUCKING GOONS

That’s good.” Ron nods slowly. There’s an unusual air about him, almost as though he fancies himself as a member of the Wizengamot. Harry waits. “And I noticed that you and Malfoy left... the scene... at approximately the same time.”

“We left at exactly the same time,” Harry corrects, voice wobbling dangerously now.

“Is that so?” Ron booms, and Hermione loses it altogether. She abandons her wine, drops her face into her hands and descends into silent giggles. Harry snorts. Ron sighs, clearly exasperated, and when he speaks again, he sounds like himself once more. “What’s the matter with you?”

Hermione lifts her head. “Is that SO?” she mimics, lets out a little squeak and disappears back behind her hands.

Bewildered, Ron looks from his wife to Harry as though demanding to know exactly what is so funny.

Just wholesome Golden Trio shit. I can just hear Ron trying to sound tough and Hermione thinking it’s the funniest shit. THE SASS outta these guys. I’m obsessed and I cackled so fucking loud when I read this.

I love how they reassure Harry that they approve of Draco though. It’s so sweet, and they obviously know their opinion means a lot to Harry.

Hermione reading Harry the riot act being concerned about his safety, setting him right about his guilt as to why Draco went after Fitzwilliam to begin with. All very comforting. Like Yes Hermione GO OFF.

Also how she fucking knows her best friend. “Do you really think I didn’t know about Draco?  I’ve known you long enough to know what you being in love looks like.”

Blaise and Harry’s friendship. I just really enjoy them together. They are witty and sassy and Blaise is good ornery and logistical mind who is intrigued with challenge.He’s a fancy man for sure, but I can see him in Harry’s workshop just chatting away wiping sawdust off of his expensive trousers lol

Harry just spacing out cause he can’t stop think-loving Draco. 

Draco saying Harry has a “peculiar effect on him” and then immediately gets mad at Harry for how Draco peculiarly effects him.

Draco sighs. “You’re doing that thing again. It’s extremely frustrating.” “What thing?” “That thing you do—you stare at me aimlessly and don’t pay attention to a word I’m saying.”

Harry feels as though he might never breathe again but that doesn’t stop him from slipping the fingers of his good hand into Draco’s waistcoat, resting them against his soft shirt fabric, following the gentle rise and fall of his ribs and marvelling at the thrilling, casual ease of being allowed to do so.

“That was the first time anyone other than my mother has said that about me and I’ve wanted to say it back,” Draco says

UGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Then they share a kiss so fucking hot that is DELETES EVERYTHING IN HARRY’S  BRAIN.

Draco smiles slowly. “Am I really that good?”

Harry snorts and reclaims his hand, drawing the smirking bastard closer. “Yeah, you’re so skilled at kissing that I immediately forget everything I want to say and can only talk about how wonderful you are,” 

Then the tune changes. And it sounds like Draco is like mad at Harry? But the longer he monologues, the more we hear that he’s WAY more frustrated with his requirement to be a certain type of person for society, way more nervous about Harry changing his mind because Draco is too difficult to suffer through any hell just to be with.

And Harry realizes that was why Draco ghosted for days. He was running every single nightmare scenario, and at the end of it all decided that he would take his chances. On Harry no less.

Take the unknown road now.

“DO YOU WANT A HAND WITH THAT.” DRACO IT HAS BEEN THREE DAYS THIS IS A GEORGE WEASLEY LEVEL “TOO SOON” JOKE

I also adore this little report they both have with the waitress at the Moody. 

Misu noticing people’s moods.(immediately reminded of Frank being a perv which also made me cackle)

Okay, one more full circle moment. Harry expressing his remorse for not doing more to help Draco. Draco not really accepting that, skeptical of how he would have received Harry trying to help.

Draco finding Harry’s flag.

Draco having the other flags.

James also have hedgehog like feelings and responds to vulnerability with anger and isolation. When in actuality, James loves his father so much he repeatedly hexes anyone who is homophobic towards his dad.

Then we have this beautiful epilogue tying together the new year’s eve party and Draco living at Harry’s as much as possible, hiring help for Lucius so it’s not on the both of them all the time, which is soooo important to Draco’s character because he was able to actually let go partially of the control over taking care of his father.

Harry having his very important things on his bedside table.

His own photo album *SOBBING*

T U R N

Blaise being the most dramatic person, gets reprimanded by Draco, the second most dramatic person.

Honorable mention to Neville/Anthony. Neville is so much more confident and gryffindory in our world than the glimpse and I wonder what could have been effected 7th year for him that may have stolen some of those confidence building moment for him. Was he still the one who cut nagini’s head off? But yeah, anyway, their dynamic is just so comparable. Kind of like the fearless doer and the regrettable, but soft, healer relationship.

The epilogue ties everything that we need to know together. No, not everything is explained in black and white, or even grey, but as Boris advised us, we don’t need to or get to know everything and that is okay. It is okay to have aspects of your life not in your control no matter how curious you may feel about it.

“There is a light at the top of the stairs,”

Now, Turn.

_________________

Alright! If you made it this far, Thank you ever so much for going on this journey with me. I know I missed things, so that's where you come in! Reblog and comment and share the reasons you love this fic too! I know I missed some awesome stuff with the kids and Dad Drarry and Ginny being a bamf too.

It was so special rereading this fic for the second time and picking up all the nuances I missed the first time when I was just trying to get through the fic without having a panic attack lol.

I'm sorry for the delay! I made the second half much harder on myself by not stopping to take as many notes, so I am definitely better equipped going into the next fic; which wil beee!

DRUMROLL#unbeta'd we die like men#author advent appreciation#saras girl#bless you if you read any of this#also im sorry it took so long!#drarry#TURN#Turn!verse#stripes are good#frankfurto#harry potter#draco malfoy#trans authors#anti JKR

All Life is Yours to Miss I will also be partaking in the Podfic because I've heard such wonderful things about it. Feel free to read along and I will try and post the next segment next weekend!

shameless retagging: @phd-mama @phoebe-delia @luna13e-blog @mintawasalreadytaken @bluebutter-art @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm @lettersbyelise @basicallyahedgehog

[the-toughestest-hufflepuff]

(First Annual) Author Advent of Appreciation

By @the-toughestest-hufflepuff

2022 Author is the one, the only 

Saras_Girl (Sara’s Girl)

Info on the author: Referenced from SG’s profile on AO3, the author’s name is Ryu and identifies as a proud trans gay man. So of course he/him pronouns will be used during this advent season, as well as his name or I will acronym the handle to just SG. 

T U R N (2/3)

Welcome back for 2/3  (Part 1) can be found here! And it's only 3 parts because of Tumblrs character limit. Part 3 will be IMMEDIATELY posted.

I want to talk about grief. Because I think it is important to the story and the characterizations for most characters. But we’re going to focus on our mains:

Ginny and Ron seem so much lighter, in fact there is this glazed rose colored mist over the glimpse that’s bright and airy and I think this is why. Ginny never had to lose a brother. They still lose plenty of people, but there is weight to all of the Weasley’s in present because Fred was such a blow. His death was meant to be impactful because we knew that one of them was going too, and we were all terrified it was going to be Arthur since that was alluded to in OotP. So this future that the Weasley’s get have where the whole clan lives provides them a foundation on which to heal faster and spread love and healing around them. Especially to Draco. Right down to the details of Ginny and Ron being so bubbly, Ginny’s hair is layers and has more life, and Ron is sweet and sensitive of how his friend thinks of him having what he thought would have been Harry’s “dream job.” LOL Compared those people to the Weasleys, Ron and Ginny, became after Fred died, who had years of hurt and vacancy and void to work through. Who stuck together because not doing that felt like a disservice to Fred’s memory.

Hermione. The Hermione who was tortured, and the Hermione who was spared. She barely talks about Bellatrix’s psychological and physical torture of her, and yet we know by how emotionally empathetic she is in the present day that she was well effected by that happening to her. Did you also notice Harry having a new understanding for her as well? It just felt different when he sees her again after the glimpse.

Harry i know felt Fred’s death just as hard, always feeling responsible for not being where he could have been to help, and glimpse Harry never had to feel that way. Glimpse Harry was tortured, but knew everyone else was safe, and that I know gave him peace. It’s interesting to compare his torture to Hermione’s because clearly his is more physical since bruh could shrug an imperius at 17, and bounce a legilimens well enough, so Bella would have had to resort to crucio and old curses or whatever her twisted mind could come up with, it’ certainly possible she made fun of him for stealing Draco and being a good like martyr or whatever. Hermione though was pinned down and whispered slurs and nightmares while having the word weaponized against her since she was 11 carved into her body. So Harry I believe feels how his physical ailment and her psychological one are equal in severity in the effect of their lives in their own respective universes.

Draco, best for last right? Because Draco scrapes by nearly unscathed in the glimpse. Which good for him, no shade there. He has nothing really stopping him besides a judgemental father waiting to get out of azkaban between him and what he wants. What I find more interesting to talk about is the grief and loss of a person who is still alive. I was a nurse’s aid for five years in elder care and dementia, and Lucius is the ghost of the person he was in the glimpse. Harry’s influence on Lucius is up there with Fred. I mean Lucius did it to himself, and Draco knows that, but that cannot invalidate the feelings one has watching a parent collapse into basic needs not being met. Quality of life diminishing. The brain decaying whatever is left of what makes a person them. You have to literally mourn the death a person you can still touch and talk to and love, knowing they are not the person you knew, and the need your help, but they will fight you at ever step of the way some days. His OCD is ultimately worse for it, because he’s had to relinquish control in so many other aspects that came with being a father, a husband, a son who had to help support his parents mentally, physically, financially, socially. Draco has so many stressors on him, and it’s what makes him the perfect twin flame to Harry in this scenario.

I totally missed a few things in the glimpse and I am SORRY

Fucking Lucius Malfoy and Harry Potter serenading each other with Celestina Warbeck. The fact that other Harry started this faffing tradition with Lucius to build a report with his “father-in-law” because he knew it was important t Draco that he have a semi good or at least present relationship with them. A tradition that Draco clearly finds endearing, and a bit ridiculous, but no doubt recognized as an olive branch extended based on his love for Draco. The whole ‘They are important to you, so they are important to me’ thing (which comes back in Foundations!verse too *side eye*) In actuality, this is cringey as hell to read, and I say that with a heart full of love and almost my whole lifetime of years of vocal training behind me. What I love the most from this learning experience for Harry is that he sprinkles this low key talent and knowledge throughout his present day life after he gets back. The little nod to buying a record for his workshop when he gets back. Even if it’s just to remember the little things that he worked for, like memorizing the entire discography of a caterwauling romance artist. Side note: I thought of “Curse-Breaking Man” today and cackled really hard. Fly me away on your broomstick of love. I just adore writing in imperfections and human-like mistakes like mishearing lyrics, and not always doing or saying the correct things, or a character not “yes, and-ing” because people aren’t always going to fit in these perfect boxes. We love realistic characterizations <3

     I also completely forgot to talk about Harry continuing to be in the Weasley’s lives like family even though he never married into the family. Like this guy still doesn’t get that these people adore him like a son whether or not he attached himself with marriage. He has been claimed by the Weasley’s. From the moment he locked eyes with Molly and Ron at King’s Cross he has belonged to them. Why did it take him seeing the glimpse to see that truly? I feel like Harry is constantly trying to separate himself from his friends/family in a way that feels very guarded, trauma based, like no he never wants to bring his burden to others. It’s why we see him internalize everything going wrong with his marriage too, which it is later revealed that the children clearly have eyes and could tell their parents were going through it. Harry holds onto so much guilt, and i do see where that’s been projected onto the kids because you can see them trying to protect or emotionally aid both him and Ginny. They are good kids, and they want their parents to be happy, but it’s clear they learned some not so healthy habits from their parents in the midst of all this.

Also “Arsekettle” 10 out of 10 roast. Are you calling someone a hot ass? Are you saying their blowing hot water out of their ass? (which is a twist for sure.) Like what does it mean, I am intrigued, and I want to know more.

Want to know what’s funny to think about? When this was written the epilogue took place 7 years after the publishing date and now all of us reading it are like “woah, 2017, it has been a minute. Since I thought about that year.” 

Alright time for Post Glimpse!

     The tomato clock is really funny, and to be honest I had no idea how to picture this thing until I saw an artist’s interpretation of it the other day. But it’s a nice little note to congruence.

     Harry’s realization at work. Rip my heart. When he’s just like “Fuck”  like this is first moment its really hit him. this is real, and theres no avoiding it. The glimpse is over and I have to deal with this. Not later. Not next month. Tell the truth, Harry Potter. Surely an interpretation of “I must not tell lies” right? 

     I just really love that animals or something not human to talk to is a SG staple. Frank, Misu, two spiders, sentient cupboards and dogs and snails. There is usually a lot of subtext in animals and how they interact with people in stories, and the snakes especially are no exception. I think Frank is a reflection of Draco and Misu is a reflection of Harry and having that symbolism of a snake, as complicated as snakes are for both of their pasts, snakes have their own personalities like people do. Draco and Frank are going to tell you when they dont like something, they are very sassy and attitude-y, needy for attention when they want it and both like Harry quite a bit, even if it’s hard for them to admit, but at the same time, it’s not uncommon for them to disappear on their own for a bit. Misu is probably about as clingy as snakes get, I bet, wanting to be not just close, but wrapped around Harry’s wrist all the time, talking to Harry without prompting and just enjoying the warmth of her person. Misu is such a sweet little snake and I love her little cinnamon roll self just as much I love cranky old man Frankfurto.

     Also they are both massive foodies and game has to respect game.

Harry changing from the “quick let me fix you” parent to the “rub some dirt in it” parent is some really important character development. At first I just assumed that this was being pointed out as a nod to Harry being more observant as an Auror and a parent, but I think it also is an example of Harry’s projection of pain onto his kids. Like because he had to go through so much pain and so much discomfort he feels like he has to spare his kids ALL pain and ALL discomfort and show them he loves them by mending their wounds as soon as possible. Glimpse Harry made his peace with pain. Glimpse Harry learned the beauty through discomfort and the art that can come from it. So why would he want to steal that life lesson and experience from another person? Even if that person is Maura and she is getting stabbed by whatever rusty deathtrap is in Harry’s workshop. *cough cough, * ok inner Draco, you can sit down now 

     PS: Maura’s snail dress, okay sorry moving on.

     I love the flashbacks to the glimpse after we are back in present. It’s nice as the reader because it’s kind of like we haven’t abandoned the glimpse yet? So it’s not so abrupt even though we know it is for Harry. Seriously the “What would Draco say?” and remembering little moments. Harry is literally grieving and it is so sweet and heavy because we don’t know who Draco really is in the present. Harry hasn’t really thought much of this world’s Draco since that night with Boris drinking the world’s grossest liquor. Harry is also the sweetest human because he is constantly feeling like he’s cheating on someone with the other. He literally wakes up a different fucking person than when he went to sleep and says, “Okay, I am going to internalize this and go to work at a job that makes very sad while I am currently having an identity crisis.”

“ He's here now, he's... home, he supposes, even though something discordant jars in his chest at the thought, and right now, if he has to stuff all of this crazy into a box and lock it up until he's ready, then that's what he'll have to do.” Literally broken. Shattered.

On a lighter note, did anyone peep Draco being a complete fucking karen to the coffee shop lady in that fashback? I cackled through that whole scene, Draco is such a shit sometimes. I will forgive Harry telling a young woman she should smile, but I still physically cringed. Totally on brand for glimpse Draco though, and then getting the comparison of Draco in present being a bit sassy, but amused by the same lady at the coffee shop. It’s small changes like this that make me feel like Our Harry’s Draco is Our Draco. And glimpse Draco is glimpse Harry’s Draco. At least Draco is self aware to like an extremely heightened amount. That’s an air sign for you, I guess. If nothing, we know our faults pretty well. How to fix them? Well… that’s harder.

Oh my goodness. Harry coming back and immediately wants to see his kids and be a good dad, and be present with their lives. Loving Lily’s nonsense words and her Frank friend. Cherishing all of Al’s notes and advices he leaves on his door, which is a cute little tradition they have, and it’s adorable, but like see where I mean that the kids are very well tuned to their parent’s emotions because this feels like something Al probably started doing to make his dad smile, because he wasn’t smiling enough, because he could see Harry wasn’t happy or at least that he was irritated more frequently and figured leaving him silly notes, because Harry notices little notes and Al would look for them to be gone in the morning. Because they are so alike emotionally it makes my heart clench. And James, the teenager who is too embarrassed to love his parents.Dying his own hair, classic emo kid behavior I can only respect. Wait til he pierces his septum, Harry. It’s gonna happen and Sirius would be so fuckin proud.

I just love Harry, Ginny, Draco as parents. I’d have loved to see more Draco/Scorp interactions just because I love Dad Draco, and Scorp is so emotionally free and bright and golden. Scorp is sunshine yellow. He is unafraid to be in other’s business, but I do think he is intelligent and cunning enough to know when it is ideal to be in other’s business. Oh and you bet your ass I’m talking about that LETTER. All I can imagine is Harry sitting across from Draco face fucking BEET RED and the glare of his glasses just reading “GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY” across them. Unfortunate to be outed by an 11 year old, but he should honestly be honored it was by Scorpius, absolute legend and extraordinary matchmaker for his own father and his best friend’s father. And the fact that Rose was in on it the whole time too. Chef’s kiss. Really I think I’m sticking with “Rose Gold Trio” Rose, yes has very bright pink energy, gone is the shyness we see in the glimpse, she is confident and a perfect mix of her parents with Ron’s brashness and protectiveness and Hermione’s wit and booksmart. Al is quite the sass-master, with Ginny’s gung ho gusto, but he has Harry’s deeply felt emotional understanding/compassion of others and that will ultimately dictate a lot of his motives, he’s the silver. The three of them together kind of feel like an opalescent sunrise before the moon sets, with just a few stars twinkling. Scorp is for sure that sunny gold. Could symbolic of the change in generational disposition, Draco changing parenting styles and just wanting his kid to be happy instead of “perfect” or “pureblood” A new sun is rising on this generation, hopefully les touched and shadowed by the wars their parents fought and they can fix a better tomorrow for all magical and non magical creatures.

Blaise mother fucking Zabini. Just killing it with the good vibes and hilarity as well as the most receptive dude to LIVE. being real though, when Harry told him he had a daughter and named her Maura, his gran’s name, that cinched it for Blaise. He believed and he knew Harry wasn’t having him on like for sure after that. Fucking bathtub gin. SEE it’s too much gin.

     Blaise dropping the fucking tea tray just the funniest shit. I love that he acts as old as fucking Boris at 38. Me too, Blaise. Me too…

     I’m a little in the weeds. Let's get back to our boys. 

     Q U I D D I T C H always with these too, and I love any fic where they have a healthy quidditch rivalry. Draco is so fucking prickly. Hedgehog’s must share their hedge, Draco! Also the fucking nerve of Harry seeing this mans at ONE quidditch game and the showing up at the goddamn manor. Look at Harry, getting his groove back. I also adore flustered Harry though and boyyy do we get him a lot in this fic right from the beginning from the tender kisses and touches of glimpse Draco, to Harry seeing Our Draco for the first time and his heart stops, learning how to jest and verbally spar with this Draco. Also Harry being a big flirt. Like for someone a little socially clunky, Harry flirts with anything with legs and pulse. He’s not doing it intentionally…unless you’re selling him clothes and telling him how good he looks OR if you’re Draco Malfoy, but I fuckin stan flirty and flustered Harry. 

     Grimmauld Place 2.0. Love Love Love, it’s better though, cause It feels like his and it’s got the vibes without anyone of the horrid past. I can literally see it in my head. It’s quirky, but still airy and lofty while being homey and cozy. Almost like the Burrow meets Grimmauld kind of way? And the spider that follows him!!!! CUTE. I am not a spider person, I actually have pretty severe arachnophobia, but fictional spiders are friends and especially because of Harry’s friendship of spiders being a recurring canonical theme, maybe it’s because spiders are chronically misunderstood and Harry finds kinship with creatures like that. I think this is also why he invites snakes back into his life as well. 

     I also just support Harry investing time into some self care. Going from a smartly dressed artist partnered with a particular fashionista with a penchant for balance to the painful hetero, sad and draaaab brown donned person his in reality was clearly a sore spot for Harry, and it fills me with so much joy that it was something he wanted to rectify fast. We also love that Draco notices. He’s got a keen eye, that one.

Continued in Part 3!

Tagging blogs I saw expressing interest!: @phd-mama @phoebe-delia @luna13e-blog @mintawasalreadytaken @bluebutter-art @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm @lettersbyelise @basicallyahedgehog

[gettzi]

I find fanfictions that include a 30-something Harry divorcing Ginny and realizing his life is not at all as he expected it to be very satisfying.