location: medical tent @ E.T. fest. open to: fat lip folk + anyone else @roswellstarters
“this is probably like, the lamest reason anyone has ever had to seek medical advice…” bridget stated as they held an ice pack to their inflamed eye, looking like a bee-stung animal crossing character. they should’ve guessed that the vegan-friendly biodegradable glitter off amazon was too good to be true. besides weren’t they meant to be boycotting bezos or whatever bo burnham said ? “it isn’t even a fun story, like that time soggy got someone else’s shit on his face when he dropped his cell in a portapotty and had to stay off work with pink eye for like... two whole weeks.” ...or was that archie ? who cared — at this point the greystone goons were basically interchangeable. “if i miss beabadoobee because of this, i’m literally going to riot. that bitch is like, my soul sister. this is my one chance to impress her and i look like fuckin’ vegeta when he gets K.O’d by frieza.” not that anybody in the medical tent would even understand what that meant, unless they were hiding a secret dragon ball obsession. “think i could pull a david bowie and bring back the fashion eye patch?”